issue152 有拍必回

xbcperceptionUID: 2309800

TOPIC: ISSUE152 - "The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies."
WORDS: 605          TIME: 01:00:00          DATE: 2007-7-17 1:23:53

Corporation, which is one of the symbols of a modern society, springs out in all over the world nowadays. These companies may produce different product and target at various consumers, but their primary purpose seems all the same-trying to make more money. Although money is a critical factor for a company's progressing in the future, an executive should take lots of other responsibilities into consideration for the development of the company.

Admittedly, making money within the bounds of law is one of the crucial responsibilities the executives. Although we can not deem money as the mighty God and rely on it to solve all the problems, money is necessary for all the companies and can indeed solve a great deal of issues that may face us today. Money provides financial support to the company, it ensures all the employees are well paid, back up the company from emergence of short of funds and so on. And the current economical situation is also regarded as a reflection of the corporation's potential and capability to survive in the future. Therefore, increasing profits at the lowest cost is often assumed as a fundament responsibility of the executives.

However, besides making money, a qualified executive should be aware of lots of other aspects of the company in order for its development in the fierce competitive market. There are lots of other factors such as the reputation of the company, brands of the product that determines a company's future. And the executive should take actions in these respects to ensure its company's interest can last a long time. Take the Japanese company Honda for example, this company pay much attention on the brand of its product, when its executives find out there are lots of unqualified cars have already been sold out, they decided to call back all the problems-suffered cars. This action of the company show its concerns about the consumers' interest, whereas as a result of this action the company may suffer severe loss at a short time, it protect the brand of its products, consequently, the consumers may give confidence to the quality of Honda's products and ensures the company's expanding and progress afterwards.  

Moreover, taking some social responsibilities, which may seem sacrifices the corporation's interest ostensibly, actually benefit the company in the long run. The involvement in social charity work, donating for a college's scholarship and so forth may seem have nothing to do with the profits the company can make at present, but taking such responsibilities surely will have lots of positive effect on the company and also on the society as a whole. On the one hand, such kinds of activities serve as propaganda campaigns. Consider, a company set up a certain scholarship in a college will give student a deep impression of the company, then promote its reputation and highlights the brand of its product among people. On the other, the company's generous actions will also do good to the society, the investment in charity work or scholarship just relieve the financial burden of the government and also give the poor people some assistance. This can foster a relatively stable and orderly society, which in turn provides impetus for the company's future success since a stable environment is conducive to the development of the company.

In sum, as money is a vital element for the company's development, the executives should try their best to make money as much as possible, but an excellent executive should be aware of other responsibilities that are of equal importance. Only in this way can the company live through the fierce competitions and advance itself more smoothly.      

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2007-7-20 11:35 编辑 ]

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

Corporation, which is one of the symbols of a modern society, springs out in all over the world nowadays. These companies may produce different product and target at various consumers, but their primary purpose seems all the same-trying to make more money. Although money is a critical factor for a company's progressing in the future, an executive should take lots of other responsibilities into consideration for the development of the company.(So what's your ts? 请正面回应ISSUE主题, 同意? 不同意? 有保留同意? 同意半句? )

Admittedly, making money within the bounds of law is one of the crucial responsibilities the executives. Although we can not deem money as the mighty God and rely on it to solve all the problems,(这句存在意义不大, 因为后文你会就此展开论述的, 这里转折下下反而让人觉得逻辑很曲折) money is necessary for all the companies and can indeed solve a great deal of issues that may face us today(论证主题是company, executives, 缘何转向us, today? 这句话冒出来跟你的主题句没多大关系, 还增加了论证难度, 实在多余). Money provides financial support to the company, it ensures all the employees are well paid, back up the company from emergence of short of funds and so on. And the current economical situation is also regarded as a reflection of the corporation's potential and capability to survive in the future.(这里论证脱节了: 执行官挣钱为责任是靠两个前提得出--执行官对公司的作用, 钱对公司的作用, 也就是说中间有个公司做连接体, 而你只偏重了后一点, 这样论证的力度就被大大减弱了, 或者说, 没有对中心论点形成直接对应, 而是草草得出了一个结论) Therefore, increasing profits at the lowest cost is often assumed as a fundament responsibility of the executives.

However, besides making money, a qualified executive should be aware of lots of other aspects of the company in order for its development in the fierce competitive market. (这句话似乎要要统率后面两段内容, 既然这样就单独分一段出来好了) There are lots of other factors such as the reputation of the company, brands of the product that determines a company's future.(这几条怎么看都象还是为了钱: 名誉不好赚不到钱, 品牌不好赚不钱, 钱才是未来) And the executive should take actions in these respects to ensure its company's interest can last a long time.(interest是什么? 钱) Take the Japanese company Honda for example, this company pay much attention on the brand of its product, when its executives find out there are lots of unqualified cars have already been sold out, they decided to call back all the problems-suffered cars. This action of the company show its concerns about the consumers' interest, whereas as a result of this action the company may suffer severe loss at a short time, it protect the brand of its products, consequently, the consumers may give confidence to the quality of Honda's products and ensures the company's expanding and progress afterwards.  (个人认为你在选择论证角度的时候出了问题, 找了个非常不好说明的出发点, 一再重复interest, reputation这些, 却难以摆脱反面论点的阴影, 究其原因是你没有界定清楚公司目标的范围, interest, reputation和money之间是相互重合, 相互联系, 互为因果的, 这也涉及到本题的出发点选择问题, 如果不能从正面去有力驳斥它的话, 不妨用恶劣影响法, 即过多强调执行者对公司挣钱的义务会导致公司忽视其它方面为了金钱不择手段, 最后影响公司的信誉, 名声并最终造成金钱的损失, 公司无法继续运行)

Moreover, taking some social responsibilities, which may seem sacrifices the corporation's interest ostensibly, actually benefit the company in the long run.(这里又把interest作为论证主题了, money呢? 之前你把interest作为其它主题, 那么与它不同就不等于与money不同了) The involvement in social charity work, donating for a college's scholarship and so forth may seem have nothing to do with the profits the company can make at present, but taking such responsibilities surely will have lots of positive effect on the company and also on the society as a whole.(what has this to do with the executive and the money? how can it have positive effect? 1 论证深度不够, 没有具体分析它的好处, 2 论证出发点不明确, 为了公司? 为了社会? 公司存在的意义到底是什么?) On the one hand, such kinds of activities serve as propaganda campaigns. Consider, a company set up a certain scholarship in a college will give student a deep impression of the company, then promote its reputation and highlights the brand of its product among people. On the other, the company's generous actions will also do good to the society, the investment in charity work or scholarship just relieve the financial burden of the government and also give the poor people some assistance.(还是出发点不明确, 为了穷人? 为了名声? 为了品牌效应?) This can foster a relatively stable and orderly society, which in turn provides impetus for the company's future success since a stable environment is conducive to the development of the company.(两个目的都是有论断没论据没解释, how?)

In sum, as money is a vital element for the company's development, the executives should try their best to make money as much as possible, but an excellent executive should be aware of other responsibilities that are of equal importance. Only in this way can the company live through the fierce competitions and advance itself more smoothly.      

总评: 这道题比较难写, 因为题目中有很多关键词需要解释, 还有些前提需要论证.
而你没有论证这些问题, 造成的结果就是论证的主体不明确.
全文基本没有提到executives的作用, 而是一直在说公司该做什么, 此为跑题.
文章很随性的说些自己觉得正确的公司的目的, 造福社会, 获得名声, 云云, 散乱的分布在段落各处, 一出现就让人觉得又多了一个分论点, 可是论证呢? 不如把这些内容提炼出来, 作为前提讨论下公司的存在目的到底是什么.
虽然看出来你想从社会责任和公司名誉两个角度来论证问题, 但段落内的组织论证却使这种对应并不清晰, 相反与反面论点相重合, 论证目的也不明确, 一方面是没有前提论证公司的作用, 另一方面也是没有把论证深度提到讨论它们终极影响的高度, 比如名誉问题就没有分析获得名誉的最终目的, 这样使人可以攻击它们的最终目的还是为了钱. 因此讨论下公司的社会价值, 公司执行官的个人目的和社会对他的承认程度等等.

建议对此题再深入思考下, 觉得发展的主论点和分论点都过于仓促和潦草了.