Issue130 [8月上海组] 第2次作业 - 欢迎重拍，有拍必复， :P

ShawninGTERUID: 2256189

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

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In the background of globalization process, it has been a rapid social change that extended to the economic, political and social-culture spheres, where the family and school system also operates. Consequently, it calls a creative thinking and solid reform in these two spheres in which there are children socialization.

Generally Children socialization is a process of acquiring culture. While the human infants are born without any culture, they must be transformed by their parents, teachers, and others into cultural and socially adept animals. During socialization, we learn the language of the culture we are born into as well as the roles we are to play in life, and finally grow up to help bring about a better society. However, from different angle, there are some facts still need to be concerned.

First, In so far as education has acknowledged creativity at all, it has commonly focused on 'allowing' rather than 'developing' creativity, on arts-based 'expression' rather than broader or deeper kinds of creativity; and on the role of technique rather than disposition. This illustrate the point that our education system is at a stage that the students really lack of creative mentalities.

Moreover, social change always affect the provision of school education. For instance, in some countries in the West, an information economy is dominant in society and school must be able to prepare students for life in such an economy. In many countries in the South, the informal sector of the economy is expanding, and people are only prepared to gain just enough schooling to be able to work in local markets. The other instance for the opinion is that in some countries with a large Muslim population, the increasing adoption of western ideologies on the part of schools may meet resistance from those who make other, very different, demands on education on the basis of religious beliefs. Such changes in society effect the socialization of children. That is to say, each individual in society is today constantly exposed to new values that may not conform to, or difficult to reconcile with, the traditional values of that society. Traditional teachings and moral values seem to need a change.


Third, in a democratic society, schools must accept responsibility for transmitting to students the values, such as truth, patriotism, justice etc, that will help to perpetuate a democratic form of government. But the reality is that the majority of students are being so stuffed with an indigestible mass of material that has no time to draw on his own resources, to use his own mind for analyzing and synthesizing, and evaluating this material. Education paid more attention to the intelligence education rather than non-intelligence education, such as democratic values, societies morals, etc. Obviously this will hinder children to be the responsible roles of country in future.

Finally, it is certain that children socialization is a complex process and plays big role to the country's future. How well does the society or education system meet the challenges will left for future generations to discover.




[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2007-7-20 16:54 编辑 ]

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

In the background of globalization process, it has been a rapid social change that extended to the economic, political and social-culture spheres, where the family and school system also operates.(这个背景的缩放范围太大了吧，全球化和孩子社会化有什么必然联系么？跟本题有照应么？) Consequently, it calls a creative thinking and solid reform in these two spheres in which there are children socialization.（what's your opinion on this issue? 要正面回应，至于创造性思维和重建这种话题跟题目没有直接关系） Generally Children socialization is a process of acquiring culture. While the human infants are born without any culture, they must be transformed by their parents, teachers, and others into cultural and socially adept animals. During socialization, we learn the language of the culture we are born into as well as the roles we are to play in life, and finally grow up to help bring about a better society.（这里何来转折关系？下文提到的事实又是指什么？孩子社会化的变化？） However, from different angle, there are some facts still need to be concerned. First, In so far as education has acknowledged creativity at all, it has commonly focused on 'allowing' rather than 'developing' creativity, on arts-based 'expression' rather than broader or deeper kinds of creativity; and on the role of technique rather than disposition. （how? why? 没有细节没有论据，这个表达很笼统也没有支持）This illustrate the point that our education system is at a stage that the students really lack of creative mentalities. （看到这大概知道你对题目的理解了：主要对应后半句话，认为社会化要考虑创新性，而我们的教育忽视创新性，进而使我们没能有效使孩子社会化——但这是我的总结而已，你也没说清楚，创新性为什么在社会化中又扮演如此重要的角色？我们如何没有重视创新性？仅仅两句论断是不够的，这些教育现状-创新-社会化的逻辑联系要靠你的论证去建立，而你的结论也需要由你的表达来对应到题目） Moreover, social change always affect the provision of school education.（又跳到了social change，这里跟社会化又是什么关系？你的每个分论点都是为了你的主论点服务，可是你的主论点又不明确，结果就是发展的这些分论点难以直接对应到主论点，进而无法与题目关联，造成文章跑题）（主题句后先解释，还没知道这些provision, change是什么就开始举例子，谁也不知道你要说什么，还要根据你的例子去推测——这个过程应该由你来完成，而不是读者） For instance, in some countries in the West, an information economy is dominant in society and school must be able to prepare students for life in such an economy. In many countries in the South, the informal sector of the economy is expanding, and people are only prepared to gain just enough schooling to be able to work in local markets.（这里想说什么？教育特征因地区经济而不同？跟孩子社会化又是什么关系？没有解释主论点使这个例子的存在也没有明确意义） The other instance for the opinion is that in some countries with a large Muslim population, the increasing adoption of western ideologies on the part of schools may meet resistance from those who make other, very different, demands on education on the basis of religious beliefs. Such changes in society effect the socialization of children. That is to say, each individual in society is today constantly exposed to new values that may not conform to, or difficult to reconcile with, the traditional values of that society. （看到这里算是明白你的意思了，社会变化使社会化要求发生变化，硬要扯到题目对应的话应该是我们的教育体制往往还跟不上这种变化，云云，但这些问题还是没有在分论点一开始就说清楚） Traditional teachings and moral values seem to need a change. Third, in a democratic society, schools must accept responsibility for transmitting to students the values, such as truth, patriotism, justice etc, that will help to perpetuate a democratic form of government.（why? 后面直接转but了，这里也没说它们为什么必要——题目前半句在说孩子社会化关系到社会未来，显然这个话题应该被展开） But the reality is that the majority of students are being so stuffed with an indigestible mass of material that has no time to draw on his own resources, to use his own mind for analyzing and synthesizing, and evaluating this material. Education paid more attention to the intelligence education rather than non-intelligence education, such as democratic values, societies morals, etc. Obviously this will hinder children to be the responsible roles of country in future.（又是一句有论断没有论证的） Finally, it is certain that children socialization is a complex process and plays big role to the country's future. How well does the society or education system meet the challenges will left for future generations to discover. 总评： 不客气的说，此文跑题。 1、题目前半句说了孩子社会化关系到社会未来，而你在展开时则直接去说社会化包括哪些要素，至于它们为什么会关系社会未来则没有说。 2、题目后半句说我们做的不够。这里你倒是说了，但缺乏展开，本身而言是一个叙述加说理的过程，但你只写了叙述部分，然后又去牵扯那些自己发展的有关社会化的要求，而由于没写到题目前半句的内容，这种够不够也就缺乏相应标准和必要性要求了。 建议参考此贴再理解下题意同主题写作第五期－－issue130