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[求助] 作文求拍,谢谢大家~ [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-7-18 13:25:20 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Why do people attend college or university?        
On the contemporary society, there is a tendency that more people choose to further their education in college or university. Moreover, this phenomenon exists not only in China but also many other countries. So why an increasing number of people attend college or university is a question that is worth considering. As far as I am
concerned, it can be attributed to two main reasons, including obtaining specialized knowledge, more career opportunities and enriching oneself. Let us take a close
look at the two reasons.

Since the competition is increasingly severe nowadays, it goes without saying that a college degree carries more weight in the job market. Almost everyone expects a
decent job with a high salary, good opportunities to develop and high chances to promote. As a result, facing so many choices after graduating from high school, attending college or university becomes the preference for numerous people. Sometimes, even this is not always enough. For example, in my country, every year, millions of graduates leave colleges or universities and compete for the relative saturated career openings. It is obvious to see how difficult to find a satisfying job career. So
confronted with such an embarrassing situation, more people can do nothing but continue on for graduate degrees to be well qualified.

Additionally, it is exciting to see a great many universities solely for the old are set up. After retirement, a lot of old people want to enrich themselves, cultivate their

interests as well as know more friends of the similar age. Universities just meet this demand, which create good atmosphere to study and discuss what interests the
old.

In conclusion, varied reasons are involved in why people attend college and university, and the two main reasons are listed as above. For many, it lays a solid
foundation for a promising future; for the old, it provides a pretty good place to enrich themself.

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沙发
发表于 2007-7-18 13:39:08 |只看该作者
自己顶一下,大家给个意见吧!谢啦~

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板凳
发表于 2007-7-19 03:36:16 |只看该作者

回复 #1 宁小宝 的帖子

A little bit messy.

You seem gave three main reasons: obtain knowledge, improve job opportunity and enrich life.

Follow these three lines to develop.

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地板
发表于 2007-7-20 10:35:40 |只看该作者
Why do people attend college or university?        
On the contemporary society, there is a tendency that more(俗) people choose to further their education in college or university.Moreover, this phenomenon exists not only in China but also many other countries. So why an increasing number of people attend college or university is a question that is worth considering. As far as I am
concerned, it can be attributed to two main reasons,including obtaining specialized knowledge, more career opportunities and enriching oneself. Let us take a close
look at the two reasons.
(感觉很罗嗦,建议第2句放到下面几段)

Since the competition is (+becoming 加点变化感) increasingly severe nowadays(我感觉应该是these days),it goes without saying that a college degree carries more weight in the job market. Almost everyone expects a
decent job with a high salary, good opportunities to develop and high chances to promote. As a result, facing(谁?是"attending college or university"?) so many choices after graduating from high school, attending college or university becomes the preference for numerous people. Sometimes, even this is not always enough. For example, in my country, every year,millions of graduates leave colleges or universities and compete for the relative saturated career openings(不懂这个词). It is obvious to see how difficult to find a satisfying job career. So
confronted with such an embarrassing situation, more people can do nothing but continue on for graduate degrees to be well qualified.(解释清除一下)

Additionally, it is exciting to see a great many universities solely for the old are set up. After retirement, a lot of old people want to enrich themselves, cultivate their

interests as well as know more friends of the similar age. Universities just meet this demand, which create good atmosphere to study and discuss what interests the
old.(有点单薄,建议写详细些)

In conclusion, varied reasons are involved in why people attend college and university, and the two main reasons are listed as above. For many, it lays a solid
foundation for a promising future; for the old, it provides a pretty good place to enrich themself.

谢谢https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=705886

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发表于 2007-7-20 11:39:48 |只看该作者
Why do people attend college or university?        
On the contemporary society, there is a tendency that more people choose to further their education in college or university. Moreover, this phenomenon exists not only in China but also many other countries. So why an increasing number of people attend college or university is a question that is worth considering. As far as I am
concerned, it can be attributed to two main reasons, including obtaining specialized knowledge, more career opportunities and enriching oneself. Let us take a close
look at the two reasons.

Since the competition is increasingly severe nowadays, it goes without saying that a college degree carries more weight in the job market. Almost everyone expects a
decent job with a high salary, good opportunities to develop and high chances to promote. As a result, facing so many choices after graduating from high school, attending college or university becomes the preference for numerous people. Sometimes, even this is not always enough. For example, in my country, every year, millions of graduates leave colleges or universities and compete for the relative saturated career openings. It is obvious to see how difficult to find a satisfying job career. So
confronted with such an embarrassing situation, more people can do nothing but continue on for graduate degrees to be well qualified.
(这段分析的很好)

Additionally, it is exciting to see a great many universities solely for the old are set up. (这样说给人错觉,建议改为:for further study)After retirement, a lot of old people want to enrich themselves, cultivate their
interests as well as know more friends of the similar age. Universities just meet this demand, which create good atmosphere to study and discuss what interests the
old. (这段内容有待充实)

In conclusion, varied reasons are involved in why people attend college and university, and the two main reasons are listed as above. For many, it lays a solid
foundation for a promising future; for the old, it provides a pretty good place to enrich themself.
总体来说,觉得第一段给人的感觉不是很清晰,明明是2个REASON,给人感觉像是3个
第二段的分析很棒
句子和用词逻辑建议加强

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RE: 作文求拍,谢谢大家~ [修改]

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