issue38 [OB小组] 第7次作业 看电视比看书更能学到知识

OB叔UID：188695

题目：ISSUE38 - "In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books."
字数：548          用时：00:51:39          日期：2007-7-19 10:03:52

Nowadays, there is a popular issue that" In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books". I can not agree with this assertion totally. In my opinion, although we can learn something by watching television, the most common and effective way to study is reading books.

First of all, we can get knowledge by watching television to some extend. With the rapid development of science and technology, television can provide us more opportunity to study. As we can watching television, we can get information by imagine, which is much more active than reading books. Take my experience for example. I like watching documentary program in television. Just like the program that is broadcasted in Discovery channel. These programs are made by scientific thinking, and they can provide us much more knowledge. From watching television, I have learned why dinosaurs are extinct. I see the pictures of  the remains of Tatantic which are taken in the deep water. I also learn the different kinds of habits of people by watching television. From this view, television can provide us many knowledge.

Yet, I still believe, it is the most effective way to learn something by reading books, since the knowledge of system in book is complete. While we can not get everything by watching television. As we know, the history of books is very long, just in China, it have been existed for almost 1000 years. So we can find almost each subject of knowledge in books. As books is the only way to make record in that years. So we can get complete knowledge by reading books. Take Newton for example. At that time, there was no television, but Newton still mastered a lot of knowledge in advanced math and physics. Why? The answer is simple, as books can provide him enough information to grasp the knowledge that he wanted to know.

In the end, television and books have their own advantages for learners. For television, it can provide people a interesting way to study. television has motion pictures, which is much more easy-understood for learners. For books, it can provide people a complete system of knowledge, and there are huge information in books. And at most time, we can only get some information by reading books. For instance. We can see the pictures of World War II in television. From television, we can get a vision information. But it is difficult for television to provide much more exact materials. At this time, we can get what we want just by reading books. And this is the advantage of books. From the instance above, we know that television and books have their own features.

To sum up, we have two different way to get knowledge, one is television and the other is books. They all have their own advantages. For us learners, we should choose a suitable way to get what we want.

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2007-7-20 01:35 编辑 ]

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xueziyu808UID：2258556

感觉牛顿的例子不太具有说服力
因为题目是在电视时代，电视可以让人们学到更多的东西。而牛顿的时代没有电视，所以不能有效地反驳这一点。
第二段的首词，我认为用admittedly比较合适，或者用：It should be admittedly that we can get knowledge by watching television to some extend.
为了论述看书本比看电视能够学到更多东西，应该着重强调书本和电视所传达的知识类型的不同，深度和广度的不同。电视倾向于娱乐性，具有深度的学术性的东西很少，但是书本里有各种各样的东西。电视用影像和声音传达信息，有一些东西是无法通过这种方式传达的，比如哲学。
再就是看电视和读书获取知识的方式不同。看电视是一种被动的接受，电视节目放什么，就要看什么，而书本涵盖知识面广，人可以根据自己需求和兴趣，找到相应的书籍。所以读书比看电视学到的东西多。
再就是倒数第二段，语法错误较多。In the end 我觉得用finally好一些。下面这一句，修改得部分在括号里。For television, it can provide people a(an) interesting way to study. Television has motion(moving) pictures, which is much more easy-understood(understandable) for learners.

OB叔UID：188695

呵呵 谢谢你的回复

xiao8686UID：2266881

Nowadays, there is a popular issue that" In the age of television,reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn asmuch by watching television as they can by reading books". I can notagree with this assertion totally. In my opinion, although we can learnsomething by watching television, the most common and effective way tostudy is reading books.

First of all, we can get knowledge by watching television to someextend. With the rapid development of science and technology,television can provide us more opportunity to study. As we can watchingtelevision, we can get information by imagine, which is much moreactive than reading books.(觉得这个观点不够的strong，读书也可以imagine的，要把通过television来imagine的独特写出来) Take my experience for example. I likewatching documentary program in television. Just like the program thatis broadcasted in Discovery channel. These programs are made byscientific thinking, and they can provide us much more knowledge. From（through）watching television, I have learned why dinosaurs are extinct（这个why dinosaurs are extinct读书也可以知道的）. I seethe pictures of  the remains of Tatantic which are taken in the deepwater. I also learn the different kinds of habits of people by watchingtelevision. From this view, television can provide us many knowledge.

Yet, I still believe, it is the most effective way to learn somethingby reading books, since the knowledge of system in book is complete.While we can not get everything by watching television. As we know, thehistory of books is very long, just in China, it have been existed foralmost 1000 years. So we can find almost each subject of（不要of） knowledge inbooks. As books is（这里语法错误） the only way to make（不要make） record in that years. So we canget complete knowledge by reading books. Take Newton for example. Atthat time, there was no television, but Newton still mastered a lot ofknowledge in advanced math and physics. Why? The answer is simple, asbooks can provide him enough information to grasp the knowledge that hewanted to know.（newton的例子不好，对于这里的论证没有特别性）

In the end, television and books have their own advantages forlearners. For television, it can provide people a interesting way tostudy. television has motion pictures, which is much moreeasy-understood for learners. For books, it can provide people acomplete system of knowledge, and there are huge information in books.And at most time, we can only get some information by reading books.For instance. We can see the pictures of World War II in television.From television, we can get a vision information. But it is difficultfor television to provide much more exact materials. At this time, wecan get what we want just by reading books. And this is the advantageof books. From the instance above, we know that television and bookshave their own features.

To sum up, we have two different way to get knowledge, one istelevision and the other is books. They all have their own advantages.For us learners, we should choose a suitable way to get what we want.
结尾和倒数第2段存在重复了。

总体论证不错

OB叔UID：188695

嗯 谢谢xiaoxiao的批改 容我研究一下啊

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phillipsareaUID：2318537

Nowadays, there is a popular issue that" In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books". I can not agree with this assertion totally. In my opinion, although we can learn something by watching television, the most common and effective way to study is reading books.(N次看到OB的POPULAR ISSUE开头,呵呵,不过容易入题,好!)

First of all, we can get knowledge by watching television to some extend. With the rapid development of science and technology, television can provide us more opportunity to study. As we can watching television, we can get information by imagine(这里应该是video吧), which is much more active than reading books. Take my experience for example. I like watching documentary program in television. Just like the program that is broadcasted in Discovery channel. These programs are made by scientific thinking, and they can provide us much more knowledge. From watching television, I have learned why dinosaurs are extinct. I see the pictures of  the remains of Titantic which are taken in the deep water. I also learn the different kinds of habits of people by watching television. From this view, television can provide us many knowledge.

Yet, I still believe, it is the most effective way to learn something by reading books, since the knowledge of system in book is complete. While we can not get everything by watching television. As we know, the history of books is very long, just in China, it have been existed for almost 1000 years. So we can find almost each subject of knowledge in books. As books is the only way to make record in that years. So we can get complete knowledge by reading books. Take Newton for example. At that time, there was no television, but Newton still mastered a lot of knowledge in advanced math and physics. Why? The answer is simple, as books can provide him enough information to grasp the knowledge that he wanted to know.(NEWTON这个例子的确举的不好,换作任何一个人都可以举这样的例子,没有突出NEWTON的特点)

In the end, television and books have their own advantages for learners. For television, it can provide people an interesting way to study. television has motion pictures, which is much more easy-understood for learners. For books, it can provide people a complete system of knowledge, and there are huge information in books. And at most time, we can only get some information by reading books. For instance. We can see the pictures of World War II in television. From television, we can get a vision information. But it is difficult for television to provide much more exact materials. At this time, we can get what we want just by reading books. And this is the advantage of books. From the instance above, we know that television and books have their own features.

To sum up, we have two different way to get knowledge, one is television and the other is books. They all have their own advantages. For us learners, we should choose a suitable way to get what we want.为什么不把最后两端合并?

总体很贴题,结构也很清晰,但是没特点,跟我的一样 -_-|||

OB叔UID：188695

嗯 谢谢phil的回复 我再看看newton的问题

最後の使徒UID：2257608

Nowadays, there is a popular issue that" In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books". I can not agree with this assertion totally. In my opinion, although we can learn something by watching television, the most common and effective way to study is reading books.(这个主题句是偏向一方的观点, 但从行文来看你却用了平衡观点, 二者综合都有用, 这种情况下主题句应作适当调整) First of all, (这点算让步, 用Admittedly/Conceding之类的引导词更精确些) we can get knowledge by watching television to some extend. With the rapid development of science and technology, television can provide us more opportunity(ies) to study.(从后文看似乎不是机会, 而是信息之类的) As we can watching television, we can get information by imagine(images), which is much more active than reading books.(短时内"we can"重复次数太多了, 句势可以改改) Take my experience for example. I like watching documentary program in television. Just like the program that is broadcasted in Discovery channel. These programs are made by scientific thinking, and they can provide us much more knowledge. From watching television, I have learned why dinosaurs are extinct. I see the pictures of  the remains of Tatantic which are taken in the deep water. I also learn the different kinds of habits of people by watching television. (这三句用同样句势比较好, 另外都显得浅了些, 除了第二条外另两个没有跟电视直接挂上钩, 还需要进一步的论证, 比如电脑CG模拟的恐龙灭绝影象, 旅行家拍摄的世界各地的人们等等) From this view, television can provide us many knowledge. (让步在于完善思考, 同时为自己的论证做准备, 这里写完就难以跟后文衔接, 既然电视能提供这些知识为什么你要转投图书呢? 此时在让步结尾处对让步条件进行限定, 第一可平稳过度到自己的观点, 第二也可以让自己的主论点优势更明显, 比如最后总结说, Concerning vivid images and sounds, televisions do have their advantages when helping us study, but when it comes other extent...) Yet, I still believe, it is the most effective way to learn something by reading books, since the knowledge of system in book is complete. While we can not get everything by watching television. (就一个分句?) As we know, the history of books is very long, just in China, it have been existed for almost 1000 years. So we can find almost each subject of knowledge in books. As books is the only way to make record in that years. So we can get complete knowledge by reading books. (从这里来看论证点应该是complete temporal knowledge, 而不是knowledge system. 这里的逻辑有些跳跃, 时间长不代表书籍覆盖范围就广, 这个因果不必然, 至少用客观叙述来说, 在过去的日子里, 我们的祖先给我们留下了丰富的知识财产, 都是写在书上的....而读这些书能让我们直接了解历史, 即使是那些电视中的历史剧, 也是以书籍为基础的, 云云, 感觉论证内容还大有可以扩展的空间, 一是要把基础上的逻辑连接做好, 二是要把它跟书籍的好处直接联系上, 毕竟complete也不代表就好)Take Newton for example. At that time, there was no television, but Newton still mastered a lot of knowledge in advanced math and physics. Why? The answer is simple, as books can provide him enough information to grasp the knowledge that he wanted to know. (这个take for example显得很突兀, 为哪个观点举例? 前面在说中国...另外这个论点显得跑题了, 题目已经限定了In the age of television, 别人完全可以说要是牛顿生在有电视的年代搞不好他更牛逼) In the end,(同样这种没有信息量的并列式引导词影响文章连贯性, 不妨改为"Taking the above two aspsects into consideration/In such sense/So far"等等, 表示这里你是在进行总结) television and books have their own advantages for learners. For television, it can provide people a interesting way to study. television has motion pictures, which is much more easy-understood for learners. For books, it can provide people a complete system of knowledge, and there are huge information in books. And at most time, we can only get some information by reading books.(这个论断应该属于上一段的内容, 这里没必要又发展出一个书籍好处的论点来, 因为在说二者的互补) For instance. We can see the pictures of World War II in television. From television, we can get a vision information. But it is difficult for television to provide much more exact materials.(how? 这么笼统地套上一个例子显得没有说服力) At this time, we can get what we want just by reading books. And this is the advantage of books. From the instance above, we know that television and books have their own features.(这段有点车轱辘话来回说的意思, 作为题目的发展, 应该着重讨论书籍和电视如何相互作用, 我们如何利用它们, 学习手段的最终目标是什么, 而不是来回说"它们有各自的优点") To sum up, we have two different way to get knowledge, one is television and the other is books. They all have their own advantages. For us learners, we should choose a suitable way to get what we want.

总评: 有几个问题 1, 主题句难以涵盖全文观点, 比如BODY第三段的内容就没说, 结果是第三段自己定位也不明确 2, 论证不深入, 有些点没有跟自己的主论点或分论点联系上, 有些例子则表达的很笼统, 很难跟论断联系起来 3, 文章的结构流程有些松散, 除了BODY第二段的引导词比较明确的表示转折外, 其它几段之间的逻辑关系都不太明确 建议在具体的行文过程中在注意下思路的组织, 把由大到小的层次理清了, 然后以此为基础分步实现论证, 现在的感觉很生硬

OB叔UID：188695

嗯 谢谢使徒详细的批改 我会好好分析的

phillipsareaUID：2318537

果然是斑竹,改的好详细....要仔细学习学习!

wakaka0UID：3534087

仔细学习一下