Argument26 [Victors小组]2I1A互改作业

njuzhshaoUID: 2258118

题目：ARGUMENT26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.
"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
字数：407          用时：0:40:00          日期：2007/7/22

In the argument, the arguer advocates that Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. To prove that Mr. Schade is the proper candidate, the author points out that in the past five years Steel City High School won several competitions, and quality of music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments there were improved markedly. The arguer commits a series of logical fallacies here.

First of all, the author fails to demonstrate that the decision Steel City High School made to hire Mr. Schade has a direct casual relationship with the successes the school achieved in the later five years. From the argument, the author presents us only an order in time, which is incapable to illustrate how much effects Mr. Schade had in the process. There was equal possibility that the headmaster turned to lie emphasis on their musical education, with relevantly investment highly increased. In that quality of the rehearsal facilities and musical instruments were markedly improved, it is unlikely that a music director alone without a special support from the school can do this. So it is not so wise to simply reach the conclusion that Mr. Schade brought their successes. 不是Mr.Schade的功劳也不一定。

Secondly, the arguer performs a seemly hasty decision for Mr. Schade's proper position. The argument gives an advise that Mr. Schade should be hired by Saluda school to be a planer and director of the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. However, without an even brief information about what was the concrete work Mr. Schade did in the Steel City High School, a conclusion that he will fit the position as a planer and director is a little hasty.There is a chance that Mr. Schade used to be a good executor there and may not be excellent with the new planning and directing job. In position arrangement, it is best to place proper man to most proper position. More consideration of this may give a wiser conclusion.适合的职位不一定。

So, the argument fails to give acceptable reasoning to concern us that Mr. Schade was the key of Steel City High School's successes in musical education, neither does he\she justifies that the most proper position for Mr. Schade is a planer and director as the author advocated. Further scrutiny must be done before a decision of whether he is to be hire and where he is most suitable.

[ 本帖最后由 njuzhshao 于 2007-7-22 19:00 编辑 ]

gyyxUID: 2290150

这个明天再来改，先占个座先

njuzhshaoUID: 2258118

argument一直心里存疑,不知道到底写成什么样子才算是比较好，昨夜才发现imong的讲解很透彻，今天再写的时候希望能够有一点思想和意识流进文章里。

gyyxUID: 2290150

Argument26 [Victors小组]2I1A互改作业
题目：ARGUMENT26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.
"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
字数：407          用时：0:40:00          日期：2007/7/22

In the argument, the arguer advocates that Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. To prove that Mr. Schade is the proper candidate, the author points out that in the past five years Steel City High School won several competitions and quality of music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments there were improved markedly. The arguer commits a series of logical fallacies here. 【汗，这个的模板比我还严重，以后表用】

First of all, the author fails to demonstrate that the decision Steel City High School made to hire Mr. Schade has a direct casual relationship with the successes the school achieved in the later five years. From the argument, the author presents us only an order in time, which is incapable to illustrate how much effects Mr. Schade had in the process. There was equal possibility that the headmaster turned to lie emphasis on their musical education, with relevantly investment highly increased. In that quality of the rehearsal facilities and musical instruments were markedly improved, it is unlikely that a music director alone without a special support from the school can do this. So it is not so wise to simply reach the conclusion that Mr. Schade brought their successes. 不是Mr.Schade的功劳也不一定。【这个段落分成两部分批吧，一个说他对得奖的贡献，一个说仪器不是由于他的原因】

Secondly, the arguer performs a seemly hasty decision for Mr. Schade's proper position. The argument gives an advise that Mr. Schade should be hired by Saluda school to be a planer and director of the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. However, without an even brief information about what was the concrete work Mr. Schade did in the Steel City High School, a conclusion that he will fit the position as a planer and director is a little hasty.There is a chance that Mr. Schade used to be a good executor there and may not be excellent with the new planning and directing job. In position arrangement, it is best to place proper man to most proper position. More consideration of this may give a wiser conclusion.适合的职位不一定。

So, the argument fails to give acceptable reasoning to concern us that Mr. Schade was the key of Steel City High School's successes in musical education, neither does he\she justifies that the most proper position for Mr. Schade is a planer and director as the author advocated. Further scrutiny must be done before a decision of whether he is to be hire and where he is most suitable.
恩，看了这个之后再看你看IMONG的文章后写的就是感觉模板不好啊，我也去看看IMONG的文章去了。

njuzhshaoUID: 2258118

这个是23号的文章了，其实说起来当时对非模板的东西只有感觉，还写不出来，再慢慢的体会，:)
像什么First of all, secondly Sp,这样的东西后来都基本不出现了……

gyyx忙里偷闲，谢过

不过这个结论还需要Argu一下，更有可能是我三天中有了点进步导致gyyx看起来舒服一点，而不是模板的问题，actually，能把模板用到一定也是一件难事和技术，after all 模板的出现几乎就是针对于Argument实战的，肯定有其独到之处。所以在作出这样的评价之前不如再看看好的模板文章。

[ 本帖最后由 njuzhshao 于 2007-7-26 09:16 编辑 ]

gyyxUID: 2290150

问过几个5分的大牛了
他们说自己也有模板的倾向
所以这样看来模板也太大的争议
反正模板也要有自己的创作