argument117 勇往直前小组第三天

zhangjing106UID：2157010

In this argument, the arguer considers that the office-supply departments would become the most profitable component of our stores. To support his opinion the arguer cites three evidences. However, after I exam the arguer's memo, I find several flaws lying on his argument.

Firstly, the arguer cites data about a recent survey that over 70 percent of the repondents say that they have to add more work time in home than before. But the arguer does not provide any detailed information about this suvey, such as the number, age proportion of respondents and the places the survey takes place. It is possible that only one hundred people take part in this survey without persuasive power. Or perhaps most of the respondents are young and middle age people who are busy in working every day. Perhaps the survey takes place in some major cities in which people have high working pressure. Hence the arguer could not convience me that the data of this recent survey is persuasive and the work-at-home trend will increase.

Secondly, even if the method to this recent survey is rational and scientifitic, it also could not induce that the consumation of home office machines will increase. People sometime need work home from the workplace as students should do homework. But people might do not need home office machines at all. Some people working in marketing need contract with clients who need telephone instead of office machines. Some teachers of elementry and middle schools need correct examations of students who need computers more than printers or small copy machines. People who need home office machines might be not the majority of people who need to take more work home from the workplace. So I could not be persuaded that consumption of home office machines will increase.

Thirdly, even if the consumption of home office machines will increase, it is not sure that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of Valu-Mart stores. The arguer does not provide any evidence that office-supply departments could gain more money than other departments. As we all know, the most profitable goods are electricity machines such as televisions and computers, or foods such as meet and rice, or cloths. Every people need eat and wear dress. These departments providing electricity machines, foods and cloths might be more profitable than office-supply departments. In order to support his suggestion the arguer should provide more details about office-supply and other departments to convince me.

In sum, the arguer ignores some crucial factors to support his suggestion. He should provide more detailed information about the recent survey. Then, the work-home should be described more exactly. At last, I need know some data of comsumption of all departments of Vale-Mart stores.

167.A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored. During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia. A folk remedy is usually a plant-based form of treatment common to traditional forms of medicine, ones that developed before the advent of modern medical services and technology.
1、没有说明第一周志愿者睡得很沉醒来很累的原因，也许是因为吃药或者在新环境睡觉。
2、第二周的感觉不好是因为没有服用药物。
3、没有说明第三周时志愿者醒来后的感觉。
4、一组研究无法提供令人信服的证据，应提供对照组。

56.Collectors prize the ancient life-size clay statues of human figures made on Kali Island but have long wondered how the Kalinese artists were able to depict bodies with such realistic precision. Since archeologists have recently discovered molds of human heads and hands on Kali, we can now conclude that the ancient Kalinese artists used molds of actual bodies, not sculpting tools and techniques, to create these statues. This discovery explains why Kalinese miniature statues were abstract and entirely different in style: molds could only be used for life-size sculptures. It also explains why few ancient Kalinese sculpting tools have been found. In light of this development, collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease in value and the miniatures to increase in value.
1、仅仅发现头部和手部的模具，不能说明等身泥土塑像都是用模子做成的。其他部位？技艺更高超的艺术家。
2、缩略雕像的风格不同，不能说明等身雕像用模子做的。用途不同，发现数量有限，如果发现数量增多，可能风格就会较单一。
3、雕刻工具很少发现不说明没有雕刻工具而都是用模子做的。
无法得到作者的结论。

192.The following is a letter to the editor of the Roseville Gazette.
"Despite opposition from some residents of West Roseville, the arguments in favor of merging the townships of Roseville and West Roseville are overwhelming. First, residents in both townships are confused about which authority to contact when they need a service; for example, the police department in Roseville receives many calls from residents of West Roseville. This sort of confusion would be eliminated with the merger. Second, the savings in administrative costs would be enormous, since services would no longer be duplicated: we would have only one fire chief, one tax department, one mayor, and so on. And no jobs in city government would be lost-employees could simply be reassigned. Most importantly, the merger will undoubtedly attract business investments as it did when the townships of Hamden and North Hamden merged ten years ago."
1、  合并不一定能消除混乱和节省开支，工作量还是一样多。
2、  解决雇员的方法不合理。重新委任雇员不一定适合他们工作。
3、  Hamden和North Hamden合并时吸引更多的商务投资的情形不一定适用R和WR市的合并。

120.The following appeared in a health newsletter.
"A ten-year nationwide study of the effectiveness of wearing a helmet while bicycling indicates that ten years ago, approximately 35 percent of all bicyclists reported wearing helmets, whereas today that number is nearly 80 percent. Another study, however, suggests that during the same ten-year period, the number of accidents caused by bicycling has increased 200 percent. These results demonstrate that bicyclists feel safer because they are wearing helmets and they take more risks as a result. Thus, to reduce the number of serious injuries from bicycle accidents, the government should concentrate more on educating people about bicycle safety and less on encouraging or requiring bicyclists to wear helmets."
1、骑车引起的事故数量增多不一定是因为戴着头盔，可能是因为十年来骑车的人可能增多。
2、没证据证明骑车人因为戴着头盔而感到更安全所以敢冒险。
3、没有证明戴头盔和出事故相关。也没有说出事故的案例里面有多少人是戴头盔的。


[ 本帖最后由 zhangjing106 于 2007-7-23 23:42 编辑 ]

yaoqian0424UID：2323517

argument117 勇往直前小组第三天
In this argument, the arguer considers that the office-supply departments would become the most profitable component of our stores. To support his opinion the arguer cites three evidences 这个说法不是很好，主观性很强. However, after I exam the arguer's memo, I find several flaws lying on his argument.
这个开头和我写的很像，都是比较容易模仿的开头，可以节省考场时间

Firstly, the arguer cites data about a recent survey that over 70 percent of the respondents say that they have to add more work time in home than before增加工作时间和文中说的增加工作量还是有区别的，最好不要改动了. But the arguer does not provide any detailed information about this survey, such as the number, age proportion of respondents and the places the survey takes place 两个place 可以换掉其中一个. It is possible that only one hundred people take part in this survey without persuasive power这句话的说服力还不够，适当斟酌下. Or perhaps most of the respondents are young and middle age people who are busy in working every day这句话里说的busy in working everyday似乎对论证的帮助也不大，为什么忙就会带工作回家呢，没有必然联系. Perhaps the survey takes place in some major cities in which people have high working pressure. 这里列举了可能性之后还应该和VM联系下，比如因此得出的结论不适用于VMHence the arguer could not convince me that the data of this recent survey is persuasive and the work-at-home trend will increase.
这段的主要问题是论述没有紧密围绕所提出的缺陷，列了反例之后没有与找出的错误相联系

Secondly, even if the method to this recent survey is rational and scientific, it also could not induce that the consumption of home office machines will increase. People sometime need work home from the workplace as students should do homework. But people might do not need home office machines at all. 我自己漏考虑了根本不需要的情况 Some people working in marketing need contract with clients who need telephone instead of office machines. Some teachers of elementry and middle schools need correct examations of students who need computers more than printers or small copy machines. People who need home office machines might be not the majority of people who need to take more work home from the workplace. So I could not be persuaded that consumption of home office machines will increase.
这里还漏说了other office supplies 如纸什么的

Thirdly, even if the consumption of home office machines will increase, it is not sure that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of Valu-Mart stores. The arguer does not provide any evidence that office-supply departments could gain more money than other departments. As we all know, the most profitable goods 这里的语气可以委婉点，“比较赚钱的”而不是最赚钱的are electricity machines such as televisions and computers, or foods such as meet and rice, or cloths. Every people need eat and wear dress. These departments providing electricity machines, foods and cloths might be more profitable than office-supply departments. In order to support his suggestion the arguer should provide more details about office-supply and other departments to convince me.
除了比较其他部门，对office-supply department 自己而言这种措施也不一定会盈利，可以提一下

In sum, the arguer ignores some crucial factors to support his suggestion. He should provide more detailed information about the recent survey. Then, the work-home should be described more exactly. At last, I need know some data of comsumption of all departments of Vale-Mart stores.
结尾对作者改进的方法说的有些笼统，不具体，可以在进一步说比如办公用品的需求及种类，另外he should, I need 最好统一下

我觉得LZ的主要不足之处是举的反例、他因与论点之间缺乏很好的逻辑关系，没有紧密围绕论点
个人一点愚见，仅供参考

另外我也写了同样一篇，相互拍拍吧
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=707605&extra=page%3D1

nornsUID：2325187

他说的很中肯， 有篇imong的文章是写段内怎么展开的，我找到链接了给你～

再就是开头要有中心句，恩。

woodmanUID：161906

In thisargument, the arguer considers that the office-supply departments would becomethe most profitable component of our stores. To support his opinion the arguercites three evidences. However, after I exam the arguer's memo, I find severalflaws lying on his argument.

Firstly, the arguer cites data about a recent survey that over 70 percent ofthe repondents(respondents) say that they haveto add more work time in home than before. But the arguer does not provide anydetailed information about this suvey(survey),such as the number, age proportion of respondents and the places the surveytakes place.It is possible that only onehundred people take part in this survey withoutpersuasive power(什么意思？). Or perhaps most of therespondents are young and middle age people who are busyin working every day（不必然的会把工作带回家）. Perhaps the survey takes place in some major cities in whichpeople have high working pressure（同样，工作压力大不必然会把工作带回家）. Hence the arguer couldnot convience(convince) me that the data ofthis recent survey is persuasive and the work-at-home trend will increase. 这一段的论证存在问题较多，你例举的情况都存在漏洞，反而容易被别人抓住你的把柄驳斥。
Secondly, even if the method to this recent survey is rational andscientifitic, it also could not induce that the consummation(consumption)of home office machines will increase. People sometime need work home from theworkplace as students should do homework. But people might do not need homeoffice machines at all. Some people working in marketing need contract withclients who need telephone instead of office machines. Some teachers of elementry（elementary） and middle schools needcorrect examations of students who need computers more than printers or smallcopy machines. People who need home office machines might be not the majorityof people who need to take more work home from the workplace. So I could not bepersuaded that consumption of home office machines will increase.

Thirdly, even if the consumption of home office machines will increase, it isnot sure that the office-supply departments will become the most profitablecomponent of Valu-Mart stores. The arguer does not provide any evidence thatoffice-supply departments could gain more money than other departments. As we all know, the most profitable goods are electricitymachines such as televisions and computers, or foods such as meet and rice, orcloths.（这个不一定吧？有点毫无根据，既然没什么利润，那怎么还会有那么的商店卖办公用品呢？卖家最关注的是获利）Every people need eat and wear dress. These departmentsproviding electricity machines, foods and cloths might be more profitable thanoffice-supply departments. In order to support his suggestion the arguer shouldprovide more details about office-supply and other departments to convince me. 这一段写偏了，你可以从产品质量，库存成本，市场竞争等方面来写。如果你抓住办公用品不是高利润商品来写，很牵强，而且让别人觉得你的观点错误。
In sum, the arguer ignores some crucial factors to support his suggestion. Heshould provide more detailed information about the recent survey. Then, thework-home should be described more exactly. At last, I need know some data of comsumption(consumption) of all departments ofVale-Mart stores. 结尾可以稍微再具体一点点，呵呵

举反例的时候要考虑恰当不恰当，避免出现给人留下很大把柄反驳你的机会