Argument99 [Victors小组]2I1A互改练习作业

njuzhshaoUID: 2258118

题目：ARGUMENT99 - The following appeared in a memo from the economic minister of the small country Paucia.
"Using a newly developed variety of seed, farmers in our neighboring country Abundia produced 80 percent more rice last year than in any previous year. To
increase the income of farmers in our own country, we should encourage them to cultivate this new variety of rice rather than some of their traditional crops. Such
high yields of rice will also improve our country's balance of trade by enabling us to begin exporting it."

The arguer suggests that a new variety of rice should be cultivated, while those advantages it will bring, as improvement in country's balance of trade and increase
in farmers' income presented by him/her, are not completely concerned.
Whether the new variety of rice will bring an increase in production in Paucia lies as the first question. Though cultivation in country Abundia of this kind of rice
achieved a highly success, however, without further imformation provided, we knows little about the actual key factor accounting for its 80 percent extra
production. A greatly better weather alone compared with that in last year may contribute much to this number, and there is equal chance that a positive policy
towards algriculture may result in an enlargement in area for rice, where the extra rice was produces. A rising price can be a better and more direct factor for that.
Without ruling out these possible alternatives for the main factor of the increase, a belief that these new seeds are to be attributed the success to seems
unreasonable. In that climates and condition of earth may vary greatly from Abundia to Paucia, whether and how much we can benefits from this hasty transplant
of this new variety of rice leaves uncertain and even not so affirmative.
What is more, even when a similar harvest is predictable, steps have to be taken before jumping into the conclusion that we should encourage farmers to cultivate
it. At the first glance, it is reasonable to accept the implication of the speaker that more rice production is sure to provide farmers a better life condition, however,
things may be not like this at all. Usually, income of selling a single kind of good will not increase in due proportion with quantity. Price goes down sharply in the
extreme case that a large amount of farmers are encouraged to cultivate a same kind of rice and with, to some degree more unfortunitely, a good harvest, and
there is no guarantee that farmers will benefits hence. Substituted by this new rice, the former crops of all kinds that used to maintain a healthy nutrition
composition of local residents might be destoried.
A much more dangerous by-effect of it to the country is still out of consideration of the author's incomplete reasoning. The author suggests that government can
exporting rice so as to balance the international trade, however, reliance on farm products is not seemingly such a health condition of a country's economy. Once
farm products make up for the main part of country's revenue, without an alternative, a possible poor harvest occasionally happens can ruin the whole balance of
country's economy.
So further result of study should be provided before we are able to make a wiser decision of whether to transplant these rice into Paucia. And whether to widely
encourage the farmers also requires more consideration.

gyyxUID: 2290150

The arguer suggests that a new variety of rice should be cultivated, while【表原因用while不好吧】 those advantages it will bring, as improvement in country's balance of trade and increase in farmers' income presented by him/her, are not completely concerned.
Whether the new variety of rice will bring an increase in production in Paucia lies as the first question. Though cultivation in country Abundia of this kind of rice achieved a highly success, however, without further information provided, we knows little about the actual key factor accounting for its 80 percent extra production. A greatly better weather alone compared with that in last year may contribute much to this number, and there is equal chance that a positive policy towards agriculture may result in an enlargement in area for rice, where the extra rice was produces. A rising price can be a better and more direct factor for that. Without ruling out these possible alternatives for the main factor of the increase, a belief that these new seeds are to be attributed the success to seems
unreasonable. In that climates and condition of earth may vary greatly from Abundia to Paucia, whether and how much we can benefits from this hasty transplant of this new variety of rice leaves uncertain and even not so affirmative.

What is more, even when a similar harvest is predictable, steps have to be taken before jumping into the conclusion that we should encourage farmers to cultivate it. At the first glance, it is reasonable to accept the implication of the speaker that more rice production is sure to provide farmers a better life condition; however, things may be not like this at all. Usually, income of selling a single kind of good will not increase in due proportion with quantity. Price goes down sharply in the extreme case that a large amount of farmers are encouraged to cultivate a same kind of rice and with, to some degree more unfortunately, a good harvest, and there is no guarantee that farmers will benefits hence. Substituted by this new rice, the former crops of all kinds that used to maintain a healthy nutrition
composition of local residents might be destroyed.

A much more dangerous by-effect of it to the country is still out of consideration of the author's incomplete reasoning. The author suggests that government can exporting rice so as to balance the international trade, however, reliance on farm products is not seemingly such a health condition of a country's economy. Once farm products make up for the main part of country's revenue, without an alternative, a possible poor harvest occasionally happens can ruin the whole balance of country's economy.【这段的论述没有前面好，展开的不够】

So further result of study should be provided before we are able to make a wiser decision of whether to transplant these rice into Paucia. And whether to widely
encourage the farmers also requires more consideration.
感觉写的是很流畅，没有了八股的A的感觉，结尾可以再厚重点。

njuzhshaoUID: 2258118

while其实逻辑关系是转折，while后面都是否定。既然引起歧义就值得一改，谢gyyx。
第三段和最后同样面对虎头蛇尾的问题。

其实主要是想要试验下这样的想法，就是范文给人的感觉就是不存在任何脱离题目内容的扣帽子，比如那种"The author commits a fallacy of hasty generalization."这种纯逻辑分析的句子，但是比我们多出来的是像"A greatly better weather alone compared with that in last year may contribute much to this number, and there is equal chance that a positive policy towards agriculture may result in an enlargement in area for rice, where the extra rice was produces. A rising price can be a better and more direct factor for that. "这种相对丰富的实际的可能情况，当然上面这一段是故意实践了下下，如果能够不由自主地做到当然更好。

同意坛中关于压缩开头summary的观点，尽量迅速开始实质的论证，因为reader被假设了解题目内容，所以除非字数不够，summary可以从简。


感觉上gyyx的A偏八股，也希望稍稍变点形式。

最后，谢gyyx。

njuzhshaoUID: 2258118

还有 gyyx 居然一眼就看出我结尾的草草而为，呵呵，佩服……

gyyxUID: 2290150

你的尝试很好啊
我的A是太模板化了
说起来模板都形成了的说
还有6天就考试了
都不敢去尝试什么新的东西了
生怕又不会写了