作文一篇，求狠拍

EmeraldUID: 2238409

刚刚写的一篇作文，望各位Gters提出宝贵意见,谢谢各位。

Topic:  Are parents the best teachers?

    Nowadays, some people are tend to treat parents as the best teachers for children. They may right in some aspects. However, I still think that parents are not children's best teachers. There're several reasons for my opinion.
   
    First, parents are sure to have enough knowledge to teach their children when their children are in elementary schools. Almost all the parents could teach their children basic maths or other simple subjects. But as children go to high school, not all the parents have such a broad knowledge to give to their children. In a word, their children won't get enough knowledge from their parents. Without enough knowledge, one can't get used to our society. In this situation, children must go to high school to get enough knowledge. From this aspect, parents are not the best teacher for their children.
   
    Second, if children are tend to stay home and being taught by his/her parents. It means that children failed to coordinate with his/her classmates or teachers. Those children won't have enough opportunities to interactive with other students and teachers. Though coordination, one could learn how to deal with different opinions , he/she could learn the spirit of teamwork, which is important for one to step into the future. One can't do anything all by oneself without any problems, he/she has to coordinate with others.  Though interactive with others, one could learn how to tell others his/her opinion without annoy others or make others feel ashamed. He/she could learn how to live with other persons in harmony, how to exchange each other's opinions in a effective and simple way. Without knowledge of how to coordinate and how to interactive with others, one is very possible to be a failure in today's society. So, parents are not children's best teachers. For they can't give their children enough opportunities to communicate with their peers and teachers.
   
     In a word, the reasons for parents are not the best teachers for their children are obviously. They can't give their children enough knowledge to learn. They can't offer opportunities for their children to communicate with others, which could make children step into the future and our society easier.

蝾螈UID: 2326125

Nowadays, some people are tend(tend 是动词，我在字典里没有查到别的词性，而且有人把父母当成最好的老师不是一种趋势，而是已经有人这么做了) to treat parents as the best teachers for children. They may right in some aspects(:funk: 这句话里没有动词吧~我说). However, I still think that parents are not children's best teachers. There're several reasons for my opinion.(这个for 用的感觉怪怪的，不过我不确定到底对不对.还有这个的题目是Are parents the best teachers?既然是parents,那一定就是their children的teacher吧,所以我觉得不用特意强调是teachers for children)

   First, parents are sure to have enough knowledge to teach their children when their children are in elementary schools. Almost all the parents could teach their children basic maths or other simple subjects.(Most parents can teach certain basic knowledge,such as how to count 我会这样写) But as children go to high school, not all the parents have such a broad knowledge(knowledge可数吗?这里，应该是不可数的的吧not all parents have enough knowledge to help their children.) to give to their children. In a word,(in other words会好一点吧) their children won't get enough knowledge from their parents(这句话看上去好象没有parent就不行似的呢when they go to high school). Without enough knowledge, one can't get used to our(this ) society. In this situation, children must go to high school to get enough knowledge.(那就不用上小学和初中了吗?) From this aspect, parents are not the best teacher for their children.(那如果parents正好都是老师，而且可以一直辅导到高中毕业，是不是就不用上学了呢?)

  Second, if children are tend(动词) to stay home and being(be) taught by his/her(跟前面的children应该是对应的吧,用their就好了) parents. It means that children failed to coordinate(coorprate) with his/her classmates or teachers. Those children won't have enough opportunities to interactive (interact)with other students and teachers. Though(Through) coordination, one could learn how to deal with different opinions(deal with的一般都是problem or some situation) , he/she could learn the spirit of teamwork, which is important for one to step into the future(好象要坐时间飞船到未来似的,个人认为which is important for future就行了). One can't do anything all by oneself without any problems, he/she has to coordinate with others.  Though interactive with others, one could learn how to tell others his/her opinion (express their own opinions)without annoy(annoying) others or make others feel ashamed. He/she could learn how to live with other persons in harmony, how to exchange each other's (exchange就有互相的意思了，不用each other's也行)opinions in a effective and simple way(in proper way). Without knowledge of how to coordinate and how to interactive with others, one is very possible(likely,possible的主语不能是人) to be a failure in today's society. So, parents are not children's best teachers. For they can't give their children enough opportunities to communicate with their peers and teachers.
这个理由的出发点是好的，但是表达上会让人认为如果孩子不上学就没有机会认识外人了，只活在自己的世界中，lz再改改吧
结尾我改成这样:To draw a conclusion,it is obvious that parents are not the best teachers.Neither can they teach their children enough knowledge,nor can they offer their children opportunities to communicate with others.Thus, I have to express my opinion once more,parents are not best teachers.

以上一些浅见，只当参考用。献丑了，哈哈:loveliness:

xiaosi326UID: 2344433

Nowadays, some people are tend(tentdential) to treat parents as the best teachers for children. They may right in some aspects. However, I still think that parents are not children's best teachers. There're several reasons for my opinion.(你首段运用了背景引入，这很稳当，但是如果你的背景描述再详细点就很好了，其实首段的作用是很重要的，太直接，简短的的带过会让人对文章产生一种误解)
   
    First(firstly), parents are sure to have enough knowledge to teach their children when their children are in elementary schools. Almost all the parents could teach their children basic maths(math)or other simple subjects. But as children go to high school, not all(few of) the (cancel “the”)parents have such a broad knowledge to give to their children. In a word(needless to say), their children won't get enough knowledge from their parents. Without enough knowledge, one can't get used to our society. In this situation, children must go to high school to get enough knowledge. From this aspect, parents are not the best teacher for their children.(小的语法错误或者用词不地道，我就不一个个去改了，这段很大的优点是结构清晰，这我很欣赏 )
   
    Second, if children are tend to stay home and being taught by his/her parents. It means that children failed to coordinate with his/her classmates or teachers. Those children won't have enough opportunities to interactive with other students and teachers. Though coordination, one could learn how to deal with different opinions , he/she could learn the spirit of teamwork, which is important for one to step into the future. One can't do anything all by oneself without any problems, he/she has to coordinate with others.  Though interactive with others, one could learn how to tell others his/her opinion without annoy others or make others feel ashamed. He/she could learn how to live with other persons in harmony, how to exchange each other's opinions in a effective and simple way. Without knowledge of how to coordinate and how to interactive with others, one is very possible to be a failure in today's society. So, parents are not children's best teachers. For they can't give their children enough opportunities to communicate with their peers and teachers.（这段给人的感觉没有第二段清晰，观点阐述比较庸长，假如你是用递进方法阐述的话，应该加上连接词，那样会使这段的描述更精练）
   
     In a word, the reasons for parents are not the best teachers for their children are obviously（这句感觉太不舒服了，所以改下,还是源用你原来的词汇，只是结构改改一点点“In a word，obviously，the reasons for parents are not the best teachers for their children”）. They can't give their children enough knowledge to learn. They can't offer opportunities for their children to communicate with others, which could make children step into the future and our society easier

（多用非人称的词汇做主语，那样会使你的文章变得很专业，你的问题不大，只是小问题比较多，但很有发展的潜力，相信再锻炼多几篇的话，你的文章一定会变得很出色的）

EmeraldUID: 2238409

谢谢！

lixueice_121UID: 2331745

:)