argument147【0710G-HIT坚持交作业小组】第一次作业 SavileRow

SavileRowUID：2284947

题目：ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

1 把10岁-25岁定为最可能玩游戏的群体是缺乏论据支持的
2 W的游戏虽然符合玩家提出的最重要游戏特征，但并不能保证游戏玩家就会喜欢
3 广告宣传并不能保证销售
4 没有考虑到市场大环境的影响
第一篇argu，感觉写得真烂啊，写了快一个小时，麻烦重拍

In this editorial, the author claims that the sale of Whirlwind(W) video games are likely to rocket in the next months. To support this claim, the author cites the fact that video-game players prefer games featuring lifelike graphics which require the most up-to-date computers. The author also points out that W has introduced several such games, as well as carried out advertising campaign directed at the age-group that are most likely to play video games. Careful examination of these supporting evidence ,however ,reveals that they lend little credible support to the author's claim.

First of all, the author unfairly assumes that people 10 to 25 years old are the age-group that are most likely to play video games. The author, nevertheless, provides no statistics to back up his assumption. Lacking such evidence it is quite possible that W's advertising campaign has targeted the wrong age-group.

Secondly, the author asserts that W's video games will win players' favor. Accordingly, W's video games provide lifelike graphics requiring the most up-to-date computers which is the most important feature responded by players in a recent survey. Yet, this may not be the only characteristic influencing on the acceptance of video games. Theme setting ,character design, sound effect, etc. perhaps equally ,sway the popularity. Since the author has not adequately responded the concern, it is entirely possible that W's video games will not attract consumers due to their other deficiencies except for their graphic superiority. If this is the case, the evidence render the claim unconvincing.

Thirdly, the promotion of advertising campaign is little indication to that promising sale will be received. Perhaps, the campaign is not successful in persuading consumer's purchase, or the over-rated price stimulates consumer's little interest .Without ruling out other possible reasons, the author cannot convince me on the basis of them that the dramatic increasing sale will be attained.

Finally, the author does not account for other challenges the sale of W’s video games might face. Perhaps the competition in the market is so fierce that W’s components are releasing the similar products, or perhaps the volume of market for these types video games is dwindling. In short, without considering other factors that might contribute to the sale of W’s video games, the author cannot validate his assumption that the sale will be rocketing as long as the new video games are released.
In sum,the claim relies on a series of flawed assumptions and therefore is not credible as it stands. To bolster the claim, the author must provide clear evidence that (1)people 10 to 25 years old are categorized in the age-group who are most likely to play video games;(2)W's video games are equally attractive on other aspects, such as theme setting, sound effect and so forth, which cater to the targeted consumers' interest. To better assets the argument I would need a report on the market of video games and a marketing report which contains the concrete advertising and price strategy.

mablaUID：2312557

题目可能还有逻辑错误，如：
0.东西好不一定卖的好，price、marketing都是关键因素
1.such games need  up-to-date computers，一般来说会比较贵，players不一定花这个钱买。
2.survey没有背景可以作为一个整体来批，不光是lz的第一点；没有背景的survey很可能出现样本集不够大，不具有代表性等等若干问题。
3.原文的结论是sales reverse，是否可以批一下？因为such games的sale增长什么程度不一定，同时其他sales decline，所以综合结果不得而知。

我觉得你的提纲中第1点和其他各点不是一个重量级，有点单薄，如果从各个方面集中批survey的可靠性，放在一起可能更好。3-4点可以优化重组，从maketing的角度，讲竞争、广告等对最后结果的影响；再从用户群体、经济背景等“背景”角度讲可能出现的不同趋势。

全文结构、组织是完整、完备的，如果能更有效地组织找出的错误（当然，以找到足够多错误为前提），无疑会有更好的效果。
本人只看过两篇范文，对argument理解不够，瞎说两句，仅供参考。


1 把10岁-25岁定为最可能玩游戏的群体是缺乏论据支持的
2 W的游戏虽然符合玩家提出的最重要游戏特征，但并不能保证游戏玩家就会喜欢
3 广告宣传并不能保证销售
4 没有考虑到市场大环境的影响


In this editorial, the author claims that the sale of Whirlwind(W) video games are likely to rocket in the next months. To support this claim, the author cites the fact that video-game players prefer games featuring lifelike graphics which require the most up-to-date computers. The author also points out that W has introduced several such games, as well as carried out advertising campaign directed at the age-group that are most likely to play video games. Careful examination of these supporting evidence ,however ,reveals that they lend little credible support to the author's claim.

First of all, the author unfairly assumes that people 10 to 25 years old are the age-group that are most likely to play video games. The author, nevertheless, provides no statistics to back up his assumption. Lacking such evidence it is quite possible that W's advertising campaign has targeted the wrong age-group.

Secondly, the author asserts that W's video games will win players' favor. Accordingly, W's video games provide lifelike graphics requiring the most up-to-date computers which is the most important feature responded by players in a recent survey. Yet, this may not be the only characteristic influencing on the acceptance of video games. Theme setting ,character design, sound effect, etc. perhaps equally ,sway the popularity. Since the author has not adequately responded the concern, it is entirely possible that W's video games will not attract consumers due to their other deficiencies except for their graphic superiority. If this is the case, the evidence render the claim unconvincing.（这点写的好，值得借鉴：拥有最总要的trait，但其他方面差同样可能导致整体不成功，系统的观点，呵呵）

Thirdly, the promotion of advertising campaign is little indication to that promising sale will be received. Perhaps, the campaign is not successful in persuading consumer's purchase, or the over-rated price stimulates consumer's little interest .Without ruling out other possible reasons, the author cannot convince me on the basis of them that the dramatic increasing sale will be attained.

Finally, the author does not account for other challenges the sale of W’s video games might face. Perhaps the competition in the market is so fierce that W’s components are releasing the similar products, or perhaps the volume of market for these types video games is dwindling. In short, without considering other factors that might contribute to the sale of W’s video games, the author cannot validate his assumption that the sale will be rocketing as long as the new video games are released.
In sum,the claim relies on a series of flawed assumptions and therefore is not credible as it stands. To bolster the claim, the author must provide clear evidence that (1)people 10 to 25 years old are categorized in the age-group who are most likely to play video games;(2)W's video games are equally attractive on other aspects, such as theme setting, sound effect and so forth, which cater to the targeted consumers' interest. To better assets the argument I would need a report on the market of video games and a marketing report which contains the concrete advertising and price strategy.