issue12 [0710G Victors互助小组]第9次作业 by Lemon

lemon71500UID: 2335516

TOPIC: ISSUE12 - "people's attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by any internal characteristic."

What is the truth influence that dominate people's attitudes in daily life is a question which annoyed many philosophers for a long time, here the speaker presents s/he point that it is people's immediate situation or surroundings, not their internal characteristic, that determine their attitudes. In fact, these two aspects are both important when shaping one's behavior, yet the internal characteristic is a decisive factor.

First of all, to some extent, the immediate situation or surrounding has its function in the formation of one's attitude or action. And it is direct and obvious, yet it is limited and ancillary. The influence it brings is only a rough direction which everyone may follow. For supporting examples we can see people in a dangerous circumstance, no one will feel happy or enjoyment if only that s/he is sane, someone will choose escape or recession as their method to address it, while the others may be waiting for the worse happening, anyhow, these reactions are all negative. That's a just example that the surrounding may influent one's behavior, but simply.

However, since all people in the example above will present a negative reaction to a dangerous situation, their further behavior is decided by their internal characteristic. People's internal characteristic is firstly acquired from his/her parents by genetic inheritance, and then shaped by the growing experience, knowledge, and anything like them. When confronted with a similar surrounding, people with different nature will have diverse presentation, for example, a same dangerous situation may make some brave ones to fighting, and some cowards to retreating, simultaneously a bright people will choose to cope with it intelligently and optimistically. So it is their internal characteristic which finally decides which is the proper action belongs to them.

Obviously people's internal characteristic is more important and decisive in the forming process of one's attitudes. Situation or surrounding only decides this behavior or attitude belongs to what kind, it is optimistic or pessimistic, positive or negative, yet from it we can't read a special people's peculiar attitude. On the contrary, internal characteristic can affect a more substantial influence on people’s behavior, and in reverse an attitude can also reflect a person's internal characteristic, such as his nature and thought, experience and capability. Albeit the circumstance is changing all the time, with a permanent characteristic, people won't presents too much difference in their behavior and attitude.

Consequently, the speaker failed to indicate the potential interrelation between people's attitude and his/her characteristic, and s/he overstates the function of the situation in the forming process of one's behavior, with the demonstration above we can draw the conclusion that the true and finally decider of one's attitude is his/her internal characteristic, not the situation or surrounding around him/her.

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2007-8-1 14:33 编辑 ]

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

What is the truth influence that dominate(s) people's attitudes in daily life is a question which annoyed many philosophers for a long time,(一句意思完, 断句或者加and) here the speaker presents s/he point that it is people's immediate situation or surroundings, not their internal characteristic, that determine their attitudes.(那个philosophers没啥意义, 如果你的文章不是以哲学为出发点的话建议别用, 单纯复述题目就行了) In fact(你对题目的回应是什么? 用In my opinion, 标志会明显些, 另外需要将你的观点与题目联系起来: 否定? 部分肯定? 部分否定? 肯定?), these two aspects are both important when shaping one's behavior, yet the internal characteristic is a decisive factor. First of all, to some extent, the immediate situation or surrounding has its function in the formation of one's attitude or action. And it is direct and obvious, yet it is limited and ancillary. (建议把转折处断句, 同一逻辑意群的内容连在一起. 另外前面半句在这里也没什么支持, 主题句转折会让人搞不清本段的论证方向)The influence it brings is only a rough direction which everyone may follow. For supporting examples we can see people in a dangerous circumstance, no one will feel happy or enjoyment (多余/词性错误) if only that s/he is sane, someone will choose escape or recession as their method to address it, while the others may be waiting for the worse happening, anyhow, these reactions are all negative.(如何构成这种影响? 为什么还是两种反应? 这两种反应为什么有限的? 和negative又是什么关系? 能属于attitude么? 短短几句话非但没有解决问题, 倒是让人有了更多的疑问, 你举的例子很笼统, 想说明什么问题也不明确, 结果左右言它, 很难对应到你的论点, 在面对危险时, situation是什么? attitude/action是什么? 为什么会有这种情况? 对于判断的展开应该是解释式的而不是叙述式的, 不然就会形成无论据的假设, 这种假设是无法提高ISSUE的论证强度的) That's a just example that the surrounding may influent one's behavior, but simply. However, since all people in the example above will present a negative reaction to a dangerous situation, their further behavior is decided by their internal characteristic.(这句的因果也没法支持, 为什么所有人都这样就被内在解释? 而且你这里用了"a negative reaction" 既然是一个怎么前面是用someone..后面又是diverse呢?) People's internal characteristic is firstly acquired from his/her parents by genetic inheritance, and then shaped by the growing experience, knowledge, and anything like them. When confronted with a similar surrounding, people with different nature will have diverse presentation, for example, a same dangerous situation may make some brave ones to fighting, and some cowards to retreating, simultaneously a bright people will choose to cope with it intelligently and optimistically. So it is their internal characteristic which finally decides which is the proper action belongs to them.(到这大概看出你层层递进的论证思路了, 很好, 但语言表达过于混乱, 无法把你的逻辑线理清楚, 因为你说的是however, 所以之前的内容应该侧重于表面的共性, 而个性的表达是由内在决定的, 因此需要将它和之前的内容完全区别开, 现在给人的感觉你的结构是顺接而不是转接, 上一段没有支持转接前内容的论证) Obviously people's internal characteristic is more important and decisive in the forming process of one's attitudes.(缺乏和上一段的照应, 而且感觉上这句是上一段的主题句, 因此至少要用个In this sence...而不是唐突的用obviously) Situation or surrounding only decides this behavior or attitude belongs to what kind, it is optimistic or pessimistic, positive or negative, yet from it we can't read a special people's peculiar attitude. On the contrary, internal characteristic can affect a more substantial influence on people’s behavior, and in reverse an attitude can also reflect a person's internal characteristic, such as his nature and thought, experience and capability. Albeit the circumstance is changing all the time, with a permanent characteristic, people won't presents too much difference in their behavior and attitude. (这段基本把前两段的内容车轱辘话又说了一遍) Consequently, the speaker failed to indicate the potential interrelation between people's attitude and his/her characteristic, and s/he overstates the function of the situation in the forming process of one's behavior, with the demonstration above we can draw the conclusion that the true and finally decider of one's attitude is his/her internal characteristic, not the situation or surrounding around him/her. 总评: 需要加强提纲写作! 写前确定每段的论证出发点, 侧重点, 主题句是什么, 关注的是哪个方面, 该举什么例子, 和下一段是什么关系, 把这些理清楚了再下笔. 你的论证出发点很好, 有写出满分的潜力, 但结构组织上却浪费了这种段落间的照应和连贯, 把本来"紧密"的结构变成了"重复"的结构, 每段分工不明, 全文几乎是把一两个意思来回反复的说, DETAIL少, SPECIFIC少, 例子少, 从而使文章晦涩而难以理解, 加上较多的语法错误, 限制了你思想的表达. 不妨在之后写的时候先试下用中文写出细节化的提纲, 这样练上一两篇加强自己对结构的认识, 相信会有很大的进步.