argument167 同主题写作第三期练习

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TOPIC: ARGUMENT167 - A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored. During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia.

一种治疗失眠的偏方薰衣草花香，现在被证明是有效的。在一次最近的调查中名患有慢性失眠的志愿者在三周之内每晚都在一个受监视的控制室内睡在带薰衣草花香的枕头上。在第一周，志愿者继续服用他们常用的安眠药。他们睡得很沉但醒来时很累。在第二周，他们不服用药物。结果与前一周相比他们睡得不那么沉并且感觉更累。在第三周，他们睡得比前两周时间长而且更深。这表明薰衣草在短时间内治愈了失眠。*偏方通常是一种在传统医药中常见的植物治疗形式，这些传统医药是在现代医药服务和科技出现之前发展起来的。

In the argument, the author concludes that lavender cures insomnia over a short period of time , Close scrutiny on the evidence, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the conclusion.

First, to have a reliable result, a study should has at least two group of people: the experimental group and the control group. Thus by doing which we can exclude other factors other than the  lavender-scented pillows that affect the reliability of the result. However in the argument the researchers did not have such a control group. Lacking which, it is entirely possible that other factors other than lavender-scented affect the sleep of the participants. Perhaps it is the medicine but not the lavender-scented pillow that worked. So in the second week when they take sleeping medication they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. Or even possible is that in the first two weeks the participant are not familiar with the environment thus they are nervous to have a good sleep, however, in the third week they become used to it that they begin to sleep slept longer and more soundly. Or as they does not sleep well in the first two week, they become so tired that even though they fell uncomfortable, they still slept longer and more soundly. Without a control group to rule out such possibility, the author’s conclusion is unsounded.

Furthermore, in the study whether or not the lavender is useful depend on the volunteers’ personal feeling. Common sense is that such method of determining the effectiveness of lavender is not always good enough. It is possible that though the volunteers do not experience any improvement of their illness, as they have give the clue that lavender may be useful, they may make the wrong judgment that they feel they slept less soundly. Besides, the author does not mention whether they feel less tired. If they fell more tired, than lavender may be useless at all. Without considering this, the author’s conclusion that lavender cures insomnia is premature.

Moreover, even if the volunteers actually fell better, it is no indication that lavender cures insomnia. Three weeks is quite a short period for the people who get the chronic insomnia. Perhaps the lavender only cures in a short time, maybe later those patients will suffer form the insomnia again. Or perhaps only in the existence of lavender does the patients feel better, absent form which they may have insomnia again. So without evidence that volunteers will not suffer form the insomnia later in a long time without the help of lavender, the author can not safely draw the conclusion that lavender cures insomnia

The argument is logically flawed, to bolster it ,the author has to set a control group to rule out other factors that affect the reliability of the results, to better assess the argument I also want to know whether those volunteers do not suffer form insomnia in a long time after the study.

mellon_lUID：2364758

In the argument, the author concludes that lavender cures insomnia over a short period of time , Close scrutiny on the evidence, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the conclusion.
First, to have a reliable result, a study should hashave at least two group of people: the experimental group and the control group. Thus by doing which句中没有出现which的先行词和引导的成分，我猜你想表达的是，thus by doing this， this指代上句内容，或者和上句合并，然后用which we can exclude other factors other thanrather than 下同 the  lavender-scented pillows that affect the reliability of the result. However in the argument the researchers did not have such a control group. Lacking which和上个which相同, it is entirely possible that other factors other than lavender-scented affect the sleep of the participants. Perhaps it is the medicine but not the lavender-scented pillow that worked. So in the second week when they take sleeping medication they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. Or even possible is that in the first two weeks the participant are not familiar with the environment thus they are nervous to have a good sleep, however, in the third week they become used to it that they begin to sleep slept删去 longer and more soundly. Or as they does not sleep well in the first two week, they become so tired that even though they fell uncomfortable, they still slept longer and more soundly. Without a control group to rule out such possibility, the author’s conclusion is unsoundedunsound.
Furthermore, in the study whether or not the lavender is useful depend on the volunteers’ personal feeling. Common sense is that such method of determining the effectiveness of lavender is not always good enough. It is possible that though the volunteers do not experience any improvement of their illness, as they have give the clue that lavender may be useful, they may make the wrong judgment that they feel they slept less soundly. Besides, the author does not mention whether they feel less tired. If they fell more tired, than去掉 lavender may be useless at all. Without considering this, the author’s conclusion that lavender cures insomnia is premature.
Moreover, even if the volunteers actually fell better, it is no indication that lavender cures insomnia. Three weeks is quite a short period for the people who get the chronic insomnia. Perhaps the lavender only cures in a short time, maybe改为while later those patients will suffer formfrom the insomnia again+ after a long period. Or perhaps only in the existence of lavender does the patients feel better, absent form which they may have insomnia again. So without evidence that volunteers will not suffer form the insomnia later in a long time without the help of lavender, the author can not safely draw the conclusion that lavender cures insomnia
The argument is logically flawed, to bolster it ,the author has to set a control group to rule out other factors that affect the reliability of the results, to better assess the argument I also want to know whether those volunteers do not suffer form insomnia in a long time after the study.

总的来说，我觉得提纲是非常正确的，但是在语言上有几个小的错误，另外，我觉得用词可以精简一点，有点wordy，这点我没在文中标出来。个人意见，欢迎批评与讨论

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谢谢mellon_l 的修改！
改的很仔细！