issue41 【勇往直前】

nornsUID：2325187

TOPIC: ISSUE41 - "Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."
WORDS: 484          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2007-8-5 12:40:05

With the development of science and technology, mainstream subjects such astronomy, physics, engineering and math have been playing an increasingly important part. Then, people start to re-evaluate the benefits of those nonmainstreams as astrology, fortune-telling and paranormal, which once loomed so large in our history before the prosperity of modern science. Do they still play an vital role? yet I admit that they are still important today,

Undoubtedly mainstreams dominate most of our life. In school, we are no longer required to learn psychic or astrology. In technology, it is scientists, rather than these seemingly 'magic' people that are pacing our society forward. When people are ill, their first priority is not those nonmainstreams but modern science. These part, definitely showed us  that nonmainstreams are paid less attention, compared with our development of technology and science.

However, is it really mean that nonmainstreams are of little importance today? If we take a deeper look about these subjects we would find a new understanding. The essence of these nonmainstreams, is actually the first step of understanding the world. Through the description of the phenomenon, on the one hand nonmainstreams meet our psychology need, and on the other hand they provide the possibility for the commencement of modern science. In these two ways they are still working even nowadays.

Fundamentally, nonmainstreams have its benefits. One important part of it is the psychology need of human. Studying the origin of these nonmainstreams, we found that they more likely serve as comforts before a scientific explanation can be made. Astrology tried to relate the twinkling stars with our life, they explained the curious existence of starts and gave us a way to predict our fortune. On the one side, it comforts us by making a reasonable explanation of the existence of stars; on the other side, it, to some extent, meets the desire to control the future of our fives. Even today, the advance of technology can not make our control our future and predict our destiny-in some way it is mission impossible. However, nonmainstreams like this can comfort us by providing a seemingly acceptable way to this issue. Although these might be ridiculous according our science, but, even today they weigh a lot to those who felt helpless before the cruel destiny.

Another benefits of these nonmainstreams comes more pragmatic. The essence of these are actually the first tempt to explain the unknown. In this way it breeds our modern science. Astronomy, actually begins when people were looking up into the sky and wondering the of these stars, and the first-hand data of it, is actually accumulated through the nonmainstream of astrology-though the theory of astrology may not be right, it noted down enough information for astronomy and provided such a phenomenon for a right explanation....

To sum up, nonmainstreams, though might not be as vital as they were in the ancient times, still play an important part in our life. Our society should be more tolerant with them.

[ 本帖最后由 norns 于 2007-8-6 16:00 编辑 ]

nornsUID：2325187

modify time

woodmanUID：161906

Withthe development of science and technology, mainstream subjects such astronomy,physics, engineering and math have been playing an increasingly important part.Then, people start to re-evaluate the benefits of those nonmainstreams asastrology, fortune-telling and paranormal, which once loomedso large(boomed?) in our history before the prosperity of modernscience. Do they still play an vital role? Yet(这个词用在这里很奇怪，既然是回答上面的问题，就不必转折吧) I admit that they arestill important today,
(开头你用一句话引入主题，赞同其重要地位，继续往下看，呵呵。)

Undoubtedlymainstreams（什么主流，写清楚点比较好，或者加个science？） dominate most of our life. In school, weare no longer required（以前的人必须得学这些吗？从何考据？） tolearn psychic or astrology. In technology（加个field）, it is scientists,rather than these seemingly 'magic' people that are pacing our society forward.When people are ill, their first priority is not those nonmainstreams butmodern science.（这3个句子排比得不整齐，而且第3个看病与前面2个不构成并列，而是一个具体的例子或细节） These part（part指什么意思呢？）, definitelyshowed us  that nonmainstreams are paid less attention, compared withour development of technology and science.
偶觉得这一段你可以写得工整一点，如果想排比的话。

However,is(does) it reallymean（means） that nonmainstreams are of little importance today? If we take adeeper look about these subjects we would find a new understanding. The essenceof these nonmainstreams, is actually the first step of understanding the world.（下文那个满足心理需要与上边这个第一步有什么关系？） Through the description of the phenomenon, on the one handnonmainstreams meet our psychology need, and on the other hand they provide thepossibility for the commencement of modern science. In these two ways they arestill working even nowadays.
这一段应该是过渡段吧？指出非主流领域2个作用（1.comforts，2.为科学的开始提供可能）

Fundamentally,nonmainstreams have its benefits.（这个ts有点简单哦） One important part of it(its放one的后面) is （to meet）the psychology need of human. Studying the origin of thesenonmainstreams, we found that they more likely serve as comforts before ascientific explanation can be made. Astrology tried to relate the twinklingstars with our life, they explained the curious existence of starts(stars) and gave us a way to predict ourfortune.（预测命运与comforts的联系呢？这里点明一下比较好，下文就显得不突兀了） On the one side（上一段用过了，一边…，一边….）, it comforts us by making a reasonable explanation of the existenceof stars; on the other side, it, to some extent, meets the desire to control the future of our fives（好像那些占星算命什么的都是告诉你命运不可人为啊，何以control？）. Even today, the advance of technologycan not make our control our future and predict our destiny-in some way it ismission impossible. However, nonmainstreams like this can comfort us byproviding a seemingly acceptable way to this issue. Although these might beridiculous according our science, but, even today they weigh a lot to those whofelt helpless before the cruel destiny.这一段我觉得比较的零乱，预测到命运就让人comforts了吗？应该是满足好奇心吧。我觉得comfort应该指心理慰藉作用吧。如果知道自己命运坎坷，还能comfort么？而且预测是预测，算命什么的一直主张天命不可为，如何control呢？把预测命运与comfort联系起来，有点牵强。

Anotherbenefits of these nonmainstreams comes more pragmatic. The essence of these areactually the first tempt to explain the unknown. In this way it breeds ourmodern science. Astronomy, actually begins when people were looking up into thesky and wondering the of these stars, and the first-hand data of it（改成its不是更简单明了吗）, is actually accumulated through the nonmainstream ofastrology-though the theory of astrology may not be right, it noted down enoughinformation for astronomy and provided such a phenomenon for a rightexplanation....
这一段应该是时间受限没写完吧，嗯，我觉得要说清楚非主流领域对于科学的作用很难，呵呵，具体怎么样为科学的开始提供可能的呢？我当时本来也打算写同意，后来觉得这一点偶想不出什么点子去写，后来就放弃，改成写反对了。

To sumup, nonmainstreams, though might not be as vital as they were in the ancienttimes, still play an important part in our life. Our society should be moretolerant with them.
从限时的情况来看，你的思路还是很清晰的，大致的论述也做到了。缺乏一点雕琢，好的我不说了，专挑缺点，哈。
开头应该说明一下不是vital，否则看了开头以为你同意现在非主流至关重要。
论证有点不到位的感觉，就是蜻蜓点水般，没有深入。从句式来说，比较单一，用词上也没有出彩之处。
不过偶像不要受打击啊，偶限时的东东你要是看了估计看得想抓我去撞墙，哈哈，偶的限时怎一个烂字了得。

woodmanUID：161906

颜色都不见了，每次发帖都这样，ft

pippo1983UID：172110

强。。。。对aw很有心得了已经:) :handshake

chennaianUID：2332916

好

nornsUID：2325187

Withthe development of science and technology, mainstream subjects such astronomy,physics, engineering and math have been playing an increasingly important part.Then, people start to re-evaluate the benefits of those nonmainstreams asastrology, fortune-telling and paranormal, which once loomed so large(boomed?) in our history before the prosperity of modernscience. Do they still play an vital role? Yet(这个词用在这里很奇怪，既然是回答上面的问题，就不必转折吧) I admit that they arestill important today, 偶开头没写完。掉大了＝＝
but not as vital as they were in the ancient times.
(开头你用一句话引入主题，赞同其重要地位，继续往下看，呵呵。)

Undoubtedlymainstreams of our inquiry, engineering, physics, medicine and economics （什么主流，写清楚点比较好，或者加个science？） dominate most of our life. In school, we are no longer required（以前的人必须得学这些吗？从何考据？） tolearn psychic or astrologywe are taught from a si. In technology（加个field）, it is scientists,rather than these seemingly 'magic' people that are pacing our society forward.When people are ill, their first priority is not those nonmainstreams butmodern science.（这3个句子排比得不整齐，而且第3个看病与前面2个不构成并列，而是一个具体的例子或细节） These part（part指什么意思呢？）, definitelyshowed us  that nonmainstreams are paid less attention, compared withour development of technology and science.
偶觉得这一段你可以写得工整一点，如果想排比的话。

However,is(does) it reallymean（means） that nonmainstreams are of little importance today? If we take adeeper look about these subjects we would find a new understanding. The essenceof these nonmainstreams, is actually the first step of understanding the world.（下文那个满足心理需要与上边这个第一步有什么关系？） 过渡段的架构还是很头疼的问题， 有时候有东西就放些概念什么的，可是如果没有，这一段应该怎么办呢？几句话稍嫌单薄 说多了反而把下面的逻辑混淆 归为下一段的话层次感不强， 你有没有什么建议呢？Through the description of the phenomenon, on the one handnonmainstreams meet our psychology need, and on the other hand they provide thepossibility for the commencement of modern science. In these two ways they arestill working even nowadays.
这一段应该是过渡段吧？指出非主流领域2个作用（1.comforts，2.为科学的开始提供可能）

Fundamentally,One important part of these nonmainstreams is （to meet）the psychology need of human. Studying the origin of thesenonmainstreams, we found that they more likely serve as comforts before ascientific explanation can be made. Astrology tried to relate the twinklingstars with our life, they explained the curious existence of starts(stars) and gave us a way to predict ourfortune.（预测命运与comforts的联系呢？这里点明一下比较好，下文就显得不突兀了） On the one side（上一段用过了，一边…，一边….）, it comforts us by making a reasonable explanation of the existenceof stars; on the other side, it, to some extent, meets the desire to control the future of our fives（好像那些占星算命什么的都是告诉你命运不可人为啊，何以control？）. Even today, the advance of technologycan not make our control our future and predict our destiny-in some way it ismission impossible. However, nonmainstreams like this can comfort us byproviding a seemingly acceptable way to this issue. Although these might beridiculous according our science, but, even today they weigh a lot to those whofelt helpless before the cruel destiny.这一段我觉得比较的零乱，预测到命运就让人comforts了吗？应该是满足好奇心吧。我觉得comfort应该指心理慰藉作用吧。如果知道自己命运坎坷，还能comfort么？而且预测是预测，算命什么的一直主张天命不可为，如何control呢？把预测命运与comfort联系起来，有点牵强。这个是我疏忽了， 确实满足好奇心是很重要的目的。 而对于命运的预测， 是否是命定论经你一说我觉得很复杂：一方面有预定的成分； 另一方面算命里有改命这么一说，风水什么的（不知老外有没有） 呃 不过估计扯那么远不现实

Anotherbenefits of these nonmainstreams comes more pragmatic. The essence of these areactually the first tempt to explain the unknown. In this way it breeds ourmodern science. Astronomy, actually begins when people were looking up into thesky and wondering the of these stars, and the first-hand data of it（改成its不是更简单明了吗）, is actually accumulated through the nonmainstream ofastrology-though the theory of astrology may not be right, it noted down enoughinformation for astronomy and provided such a phenomenon for a rightexplanation。
这一段应该是时间受限没写完吧，嗯，我觉得要说清楚非主流领域对于科学的作用很难，呵呵，具体怎么样为科学的开始提供可能的呢？我当时本来也打算写同意，后来觉得这一点偶想不出什么点子去写，后来就放弃，改成写反对了。

To sumup, nonmainstreams, though might not be as vital as they were in the ancienttimes, still play an important part in our life. Our society should be moretolerant with them.
从限时的情况来看，你的思路还是很清晰的，大致的论述也做到了。缺乏一点雕琢，好的我不说了，专挑缺点，哈。
开头应该说明一下不是vital，否则看了开头以为你同意现在非主流至关重要。
论证有点不到位的感觉，就是蜻蜓点水般，没有深入。从句式来说，比较单一，用词上也没有出彩之处。
不过偶像不要受打击啊，偶限时的东东你要是看了估计看得想抓我去撞墙，哈哈，偶的限时怎一个烂字了得。


我觉得比较矛盾的问题
1过渡段的架构还是很头疼的问题
2 论证的深入问题

陈星君UID：2416582

:handshake