issue207 恳请好心人看一下

水樱樱木UID??2342479

准备作文好久了,一直想找一个GF互改作文,可是每次都是先聊着后来久不见人影了,给好多人也发过邮件,可也没有人给我改了寄回,已经绝望了,可最后还是报着一丝希望在寄托能有好心人能帮我指点一下,总是自己写好像没有很大的提高,先谢过了:loveliness:
TOPIC: ISSUE207 - "Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
Clture , which is different from tribes , a small group , to country, a relative huge group , is defined as a form or type of civilization of a certain race or nation. Rituals and ceremonies ,being a part of forms and types, give us a direct comprehension about culture .They do help understand, be familiar with , then define a culture. To living surround in this atomsphere of culture, one becomes aware of oneself as one's growing up. When someone ignores of them, he or she could have a diminished sense of who they are.
  At first, the culture is a civilization owned by certain group, which could distinguish with others. Rituals and ceremonies are a kind of exterior pattern of culture's interior substaintion. Through analying and comparing their nacroscopical presentation, A deepen grade inherent essence could be digged out, which intigate the source of the culture. The reason why a society and group could assemble is that the every member own the same belief, value, moral, ethnic ,commene sense and ideology. That is to say, this kind of individual assemble gradually because of these commen features . Then the culture, which contains all these features , come into being concomitantly. A case in point is the different wedding custom ceremonies, every of which show  their specific cultures. The most significant discrimination is the color of wedding dress by bride, that is white , showing purity, in Western countries, compared with red, showing happy event ,in Eastern countries, actually , the eastern would wear white clothes when someone died in their famliy. Their different choose of color and attitude indicate their dissimilar culture . As a result , rituals and ceremonies do some help to comprehen and define the culture.
Second, the one lacking awarenc of these features , living in this society, on one hand, will be vague to the state of his or her own ,since he/she doesn't have the acknowledgy of the unit,the society's culture. Then one lack  the sense of existence. On the other hand , acquaint of oneself is a cruial process of accepting ,negation, registation and again, and culture plays a great role in this process, First ,one learn, finds the part of collusion then negate it, regulate it ,according to the standard of society, and finally reknow oneself. The person who have no idea of rituals and ceremonies in their culture ,is just like a Chinese doesn't know how to use chopsticks, a Japenese doesn't know how to wear a kimnow, a monk doesn't know why their captain is so respective. When all these possibilty come true, these person did diminish sense of who they are.
Admittedly, the rapid develop era, the communication between cultures arise day by day,. The precious relative traditional culture begin to accept other culture or the nation is newly constricted that its culture wasn't formed any more. The culture has insignificant impact on their self-sense.
  In sum, rituals and ceremonies still play their sepcific role in their certain culture. The tradition ones remain from the history and new one is no the processof forming. In order to learn your culture deeply, you'd better know some rituals and ceremonies.

水樱樱木UID??2342479

真是可怜啊,还是没有人改

chinaswwUID??209694

改了一些地方，主要的问题是用词不到位，对词语记忆不准确，进而导致语言上的障碍，容易让人不知所云，即使你有深邃的想法。最后可能时间不够，所以有些草草了。请参考

Culture, which is different from tribes, a small group, to country, a relative huge group, is defined as a form or type of civilization of a certain race or nation. （第一句结构有待改进，第二句就比它好）Rituals and ceremonies ,being a part of forms and types, give us a direct comprehension about culture .They do help understand, be familiar with, and then define a culture. To live in the atmosphere of culture, one becomes aware of oneself through one's growing up. When ignored, they could have a diminished sense of who they are.
  At first, culture is a civilization owned by certain groups, which could distinguish from the others. Rituals and ceremonies are a kind of exterior pattern of culture's interior substance. Through analyzing and comparing their macroscopical representation, a deepen grade inherent essence could be dug out, which intigate(实在不知道你想用什么词) the source of culture. The reason why a society and group could be organized is that each member owns the same belief, value, moral, ethnic, common sense and ideology. That is to say, this kind of individual assembles gradually because of these common traits. Then the culture, which contains all these features, comes into being concomitantly. A case in point is the different wedding custom ceremonies, embodying and expressing their specific cultures. The most significant discrimination is the color of wedding dress by bride, which is white, meaning chasteness, in Western countries, compared with red, showing happy event, in Eastern countries, and actually the mass in eastern world would wear in white during funeral. The different choices of color and attitude indicate their dissimilar culture.  As a result, rituals and ceremonies do some help to comprehend and define the culture.
Secondly, the one lacking awareness of these features, though living in this society, on one hand, yet will be vague to the state of his or her own, since he/she doesn't have the acknowledgment of the unit, the culture of that society. Then one would be deprived of the sense of existence. On the other hand , acquaint of oneself is a curial process of accepting, negation, registration(下面一层不明白你想说什么，用词不到位) and again, and culture plays a great role in this process. First, one learns, finds the part of collusion then negate it, regulate it, according to the standard of society, and finally reknow oneself. The persons, who have no idea of rituals and ceremonies in their culture, are just the same as a Chinese doesn't know how to use chopsticks, a Japanese doesn't know how to wear a kimono, and a monk doesn't know why their captain is so respective(这个也不明白你的想法). When all these possibility come true, these person did diminish sense of who they are.
Admittedly, in the rapid develop era, the communication between cultures arise day by day. The precious relative traditional culture begins to accept other cultures or the nation is so newly constructed that its culture wasn't formed before. The culture has insignificant impact on their self-sense.
  In sum, rituals and ceremonies still play their specific role in their certain culture. The tradition ones remain from the history and new one is on the process of forming. In order to learn your culture deeply, you'd better know some rituals and ceremonies.

水樱樱木UID??2342479

哈哈,好开心啊,终于有人给我改了,真是太感动了
好了,又有动力学了,加油,争取写的更好,fighting!