Issue83 拍我吧，留链必回

woodmanUID：161906

Issue83. Government should preserve publicly ownedwilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are oftenextremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.

Along with the ever-increasingly pace of industrialization,environmental problems are being a threat to undermine our prosperous andcontented life. And wilderness areas in world fail to escape by sheer luck. Toachieve sustainable development and avoid economic and academic loss,government should take some measures to protect these areas.

Firstly, preservation for remote areas will contribute tothe protection of whole ecologic system in the world, since the overall ecologicsystem is composed by many partial ecologic systems which interact closely. Asnowadays environmental problems have never been worse before, wilderness areas,perhaps the last beauty for human beings, are facing more and more threats. Manypeople may think the areas of wild forest are so remote that only a few peoplelive there, environment there must be quite well. Disappointingly but truly, contaminatedwater from the upper course of the river, over hunting, even poaching, etc. aredestroying environment in these areas. We can see no further than the Dunhuangdistrict, a remote place in northwest of China forexample. Dunhuang is used to be a beautiful and long-history place next to Ta KaLa Ma GanDesert, however, due to over exploit of its resources for developing travelcause, its environment is being destroyed-- rivers become draught-up there , lakesgradually disappear, desert invades more and more land, and many species dieout. Actually, there are so many remote areas all over the world areexperiencing such deteriorating. Hence, it is necessary for government toprotect these areas; otherwise, deterioration of environmental condition of wildernessareas will affect other partial systems and finally the whole ecologic system

Further, to preserve wilderness areas has value both fromeconomic and academic aspects. As for the economic value, it is no surprise forus that most remote areas are abundant with energy sources and mineralresources, such as coal, oil, iron and aluminum. As nowadays most countries arefacing potential resource crisis, such areas may greatly alleviate the pressingsituation. Moreover, many valuable wild plants that are used to make medicineusually live in these remote areas. And in fact some of these plants can onlybe found in remote areas, since they have weak adaptation to other environment.So, if remote areas are polluted, these plants may die out. While, concerningthe academic value, the remote areas may offer us evidence about the change ofspecies and the evolution of earth, since they are not destroyed by humanactivities. From these precious evidence and materials, scientists could studythe truth of the Earth as well as life. Hence, we will benefit a lot from preservingremote areas.

From the discussion above, we know that preservation forremote areas are fairly necessary, and then come the question, what’s theproper role of government in such activities? The answer is that governmentshould lead public in protecting remote areas. The reason is that: for onething, public’s awareness can only be fully aroused by means of propaganda. Withoutthe very process of stimulation, the public will continuously take for grantedthe deforestation, desertification, unscrupulous floods and so on. And only governmentowes such a sweeping influence on the whole society. For the other thing, bymaking laws, such as the Wildness Act of 1964, only government possesses thepower to force public to stop artificial devastation of the natural state ofthese areas. Obviously, individuals, groups or many other communities have nosuch authority. So, government should call for the whole society pay attentionto the Earth we live on, and engage in protection of the Earth we live on.

In sum, as damage of the remote areas will not only affectthe whole ecologic systems, but also make us suffer an economic and academicloss. Hence, it is quite necessary to preserve such areas. And governmentshould lead the public join in the activity in environment protecting. Althoughsuch protection may not bring significant profit soon, this will benefit theenvironment and life there, and in turn, human beings as well.





[ 本帖最后由 woodman 于 2007-8-10 18:43 编辑 ]

joyceningUID：2314914

Issue83. Government should preserve publicly ownedwilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are oftenextremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.

Along with the ever-increasingly pace of industrialization,environmental problems are being a threat to undermine our prosperous andcontented(用词不太合适) life. And wilderness areas in the world fail to escape by sheer luck. To achieve sustainable development and avoid economic and academic loss,government should take some measures to protect these areas.

Firstly, preservation for remote areas will contribute to the protection of the whole ecologic system in the world, since the overall ecologicsystem is composed by many partial ecologic systems which interact closely. As(感觉since更合适) nowadays environmental problems have never been worse before（这句很不顺）, wilderness areas,perhaps the last beauty for human beings, are facing more and more threats. Many people may think the areas of wild forest(这个表达也很不太好) are so remote that only a few peoplelive there, environment there must be quite well. Disappointingly but truly, contaminated water from the upper course of the river, over hunting, even poaching, etc. are destroying environment in these areas. We can see no further than the Dunhuang district（？？你对public owned areas怎么理解？我觉得是那些非洲大草原之类的，不属于任何国家的国土）, a remote place in northwest of China forexample. Dunhuang is used to be a beautiful and long-history place（a beautiful place with a long history） next to Ta KaLa Ma GanDesert, however, due to over exploit of its resources for developing travel cause, its environment is being destroyed-- rivers become draught-up there , lakes gradually disappear(应该是要说干涸把，好像不能用这个词), desert invades more and more land, and many species die out. Actually, there are so many remote areas all over the world are experiencing such deteriorating. Hence, it is necessary for government toprotect these areas; otherwise, deterioration of environmental condition of wildernessareas will affect other partial systems and finally the whole ecologic system

Further,（觉得这段和上段不是递进关系，没必要用further） to preserve wilderness areas has value both from economic and academic aspects. As for the economic value, it is no surprise for us that most remote areas are abundant with energy sources and mineral resources, such as coal, oil, iron and aluminum. As nowadays most countries are facing potential resource crisis, such areas may greatly alleviate the pressing situation. Moreover, many valuable wild plants that are used to make medicine usually live in these remote areas. And in fact some of these plants can only be found in remote areas, since they have weak adaptation to other environment. So, if remote areas are polluted, these plants may die out. While, concerning the academic value, the remote areas may offer us evidence about the change of species and the evolution of earth, since they are not destroyed by humanactivities. From these precious evidence and materials, scientists could studythe truth of the Earth as well as life. Hence, we will benefit a lot from preservingremote areas.

From the discussion above, we know that preservation for remote areas are fairly necessary, and then come the question, what’s the proper role of government in such activities? The answer is that government should lead the public in protecting(to protect) remote areas. The reason is that: for one thing, public’s awareness can only be fully aroused by means of propaganda. Without the very process of stimulation, the public will continuously take for grantedthe deforestation, desertification, unscrupulous floods and so on. And only government owes such a sweeping influence on the whole society. For the other thing, by making laws, such as the Wildness Act of 1964, only government possesses thepower to force public to stop artificial devastation of the natural state ofthese areas. Obviously, individuals, groups or many other communities have nosuch authority. So, government should call for the whole society pay attentionto the Earth we live on, and engage in protection of the Earth we live on.我觉得这段走的有点远了，好像是在说政府为什么应该采取行动，应该采取哪些行动。其实上面两段说野生区域的价值就是在解释为什么政府要采取行动了，至于是什么行动，可以不用讨论，题中没有涉及（个人观点了 呵呵 ）

In sum, as damage of the remote areas will not only affectthe whole ecologic systems, but also make us suffer an economic and academicloss（好像是一回事，生态系统破坏了我们肯定会遭受那些损失）. Hence, it is quite necessary to preserve such areas. And governmentshould lead the public join in the activity in environment protecting. Althoughsuch protection may not bring significant profit soon, this will benefit theenvironment and life there, and in turn, human beings as well.
结构还是很清楚的，就是倒数第二段，我觉得有点不扣题 批错了不要介意哦

xiongnashiongUID：2359406

Issue83 拍我吧，留链必回
Issue83. Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.

Along with the ever-increasingly pace of industrialization, environmental problems are being a threat to undermine our prosperous这个词用来形容生活？不太合适 and contented life. And wilderness areas in world fail to escape by sheer luck，你觉得在句子前面用and unlucky ,会不会看着顺一点. To achieve sustainable development and avoid economic and academic loss, government should take some measures to protect these areas. （完全的赞同态度，看到这里我的感觉）

Firstly, preservation for remote areas will contribute to the protection of whole ecologic system （ecosystem？） in the world, since the overall ecologicsystem is composed by many partial ecologic systems which interact closely. （看TS的感觉是，下面要写 具体保护这些比较远的地方是怎么保护全球失态系统的）As nowadays environmental problems have never been worse before, wilderness areas, perhaps the last beauty for human beings, are facing more and more threats. （这句话有点和TS无关的感觉）Many people may think the areas of wild forest are so remote that only a few people live there, environment there must be quite well.(这句话还是无关) 看了你下面的句子才发现你这样里要转折，建议加一个however ,Disappointingly but truly, contaminated water from the upper course of the river, over hunting, even poaching, etc. are destroying environment in these areas.(这里才稍微衔接这段的TS，并且在主要说那里被毁坏了，那你的重点是放在这里被破坏了，而不是 他们对全球失态系统是重要的，和TS感觉链接不紧密)（ We can see no further than the Dun huang district, a remote place in northwest of China for example. Dunhuang is used to be a beautiful and long-history place next to Ta KaLa Ma GanDesert, however, due to over exploit of its resources for developing travel cause, its environment is being destroyed-- rivers become draught-up there , lakesgradually disappear, desert invades more and more land, and many species dieout. Actually, there are so many remote areas all over the world areexperiencing such deteriorating. (例子和TS没有关系，例子在说敦煌被破坏了，并没有说敦煌对失态系统有什么作用)Hence, it is necessary for government toprotect these areas; otherwise, deterioration of environmental condition of wildernessareas will affect other partial systems and finally the whole ecologic system

Further, to preserve wilderness areas has value both from economic and academic aspects.(TS,其他方面的好处) As for the economic value, it is no surprise focus that most remote areas are abundant with energy sources and mineral resources, such as coal, oil, iron and aluminum. As nowadays most countries are facing potential resource crisis, such areas may greatly alleviate the pressingsituation（呵呵 看到这里感觉你想要开放这些地方赶快抢资源的感觉） Moreover, many valuable wild plants that are used to make medicineusually live in these remote areas. And in fact some of these plants can onlybe found in remote areas, since they have weak adaptation to other environment.So, if remote areas are polluted, these plants may die out. While, concerningthe academic value, the remote areas may offer us evidence about the change ofspecies and the evolution of earth, since they are not destroyed by human activities. From these precious evidence and materials, scientists could studythe truth of the Earth as well as life. Hence, we will benefit a lot from preservingremote areas.（我觉得要注意一点，你说里面的矿产资源很丰富，应该得不出来我们要保存它 ，只能得出，值得开采）

From the discussion above, we know that preservation for remote areas are fairly necessary, and then come the question, what’s the proper role of government in such activities? The answer is that government should lead public in protecting remote areas. The reason is that: for one thing, public’s awareness can only be fully aroused by means of propaganda. Without the very process of stimulation, the public will continuously take for granted the deforestation, desertification, unscrupulous floods and so on. And only government owes 亏欠？这句话不明白such a sweeping influence on the whole society. For the other thing, by making laws, such as the Wildness Act of 1964, only government possesses the power to force public to stop artificial devastation of the natural state of these areas. Obviously, individuals, groups or many other communities have no such authority. （太罗嗦了…….）So, government should call for the whole society pay attention to the Earth we live on, and engage in protection of the Earth we live on.
政府应该
感觉组长想在这里写发展段，但是 我觉得这个发展段是无法起到升华主题的作用的，因为他是在讲一个更细的问题，实施层面的问题。
In sum, as damage of the remote areas will not only affectthe whole ecologic systems, but also make us suffer an economic and academicloss. Hence, it is quite necessary to preserve such areas. And governmentshould lead the public join in the activity in environment protecting. Althoughsuch protection may not bring significant profit soon, this will benefit theenvironment and life there, and in turn, human beings as well.
一 从结构上来说
   逻辑不严密， 主题，应该保护，因为 有第一个优点，有第二个优点  然后就没有了 组长常有的让步不见了
   发展段没有为主题服务，各端对TS的契合链接不好，每点的升华不够
二 从语言上来说的话，
   组长的词汇没有问题，都很复杂，但是句法很单一，并且时不时的会有类似preserve wilderness areas has value both from economic and academic aspects. 这样的句子，我觉得主题句一定要重视下表达， economic and academic aspects could benefit from wildnerness preserving 就地道多了，或者 wilderness areas preserving serve society benefits in economic and academic aspects 我觉得也不错，但是这has value 就有点………

forestlevyUID：2320694

Along with the ever-increasingly pace of industrialization,environmental problems are being a threat to undermine our prosperous andcontented life. And wilderness areas in world fail to escape by sheer luck. Toachieve sustainable development and avoid economic and academic loss,government should take some measures to protect these areas.(全赞同?)

Firstly, preservation for remote areas will contribute to the protection of whole ecologic system in the world, since the overall ecologicsystem is composed by many partial ecologic systems which interact closely. As nowadays environmental problems have never been worse before, wilderness areas,perhaps the last beauty for human beings, are facing more and more threats. Manypeople may think the areas of wild forest are so remote that only a few peoplelive there, environment there must be quite well. Disappointingly but truly, contaminatedwater from the upper course of the river, over hunting, even poaching, etc. are destroying environment in these areas. We can see no further than the Dunhuang district, a remote place in northwest of China forexample. Dunhuang is used to be a beautiful and long-history place next to Ta KaLa Ma GanDesert, however, due to over exploit of its resources for developing travelcause, its environment is being destroyed-- rivers become draught-up there , lakesgradually disappear, desert invades more and more land, and many species dieout.(恩,现在的敦煌是publicly ownedwilderness areas,但古代的敦煌不是.它的沙漠化不是因为当时政府因为它太偏远而不保护它造成的,而是因为太过繁荣,资源利用过分造成的.这个例子不恰当.)Actually, there are so many remote areas all over the world are experiencing such deteriorating. Hence, it is necessary for government toprotect these areas; otherwise, deterioration of environmental condition of wildernessareas will affect other partial systems and finally the whole ecologic system

Further, to preserve wilderness areas has value both fromeconomic and academic aspects. As for the economic value, it is no surprise forus that most remote areas are abundant with energy sources and mineralresources, such as coal, oil, iron and aluminum.(晕,保护跟开发有什么关系?保护的越好矿就越多?保护的不好矿就飞了?) As nowadays most countries arefacing potential resource crisis, such areas may greatly alleviate the pressingsituation. Moreover, many valuable wild plants that are used to make medicineusually live in these remote areas. And in fact some of these plants can onlybe found in remote areas, since they have weak adaptation to other environment.So, if remote areas are polluted, these plants may die out. (这也是幻觉.真的有经济利益,那地就不会荒凉了...就算污染了还能人工养殖么...)While, concerningthe academic value, the remote areas may offer us evidence about the change ofspecies and the evolution of earth, since they are not destroyed by humanactivities.From these precious evidence and materials, scientists could studythe truth of the Earth as well as life. (恩,这个很有道理,值得借鉴.所谓原生态,才是那些破地的真正的卖点.) Hence, we will benefit a lot from preservingremote areas.

From the discussion above, we(个人觉得不要WE的好...) know that preservation forremote areas are fairly necessary, and then come the question, what’s theproper role of government in such activities? The answer is that government should lead public in protecting remote areas. The reason is that: for onething, public’s awareness can only be fully aroused by means of propaganda. Withoutthe very process of stimulation, the public will continuously take for granted the deforestation, desertification, unscrupulous floods and so on. And only government owes such a sweeping influence on the whole society. For the other thing, by making laws, such as the Wildness Act of 1964, only government possesses the power to force public to stop artificial devastation of the natural state ofthese areas. Obviously, individuals, groups or many other communities have nosuch authority. So, government should call for the whole society pay attentionto the Earth we live on, and engage in protection of the Earth we live on.(恩,说明为什么government, rather than sth else, should do this,还是很好的展开)

In sum, as damage of the remote areas will not only affectthe whole ecologic systems, but also make us suffer an economic and academicloss. Hence, it is quite necessary to preserve such areas. And governmentshould lead the public join in the activity in environment protecting. Althoughsuch protection may not bring significant profit soon, this will benefit theenvironment and life there, and in turn, human beings as well.
(本文最大的问题是把wildness areas的范围缩小化了.谁说遥远的野外就一定是森林,沼泽,湖泊呢?荒漠,戈壁,苔原难道就不是么?那么这样的areas也需要保护么?为什么? 这才是这个题目有意思的地方)

woodmanUID：161906

这篇写完就觉得有点跑路了，赫赫，谢谢大家的指点，嗯，我一定好好修改。再次谢谢。

forestlevyUID：2320694

:loveliness:
记得回拍就好