生如夏花小组--第16次作业

bluecathyUID: 2231215

The only effective way to encourage energy conservation is by increasing prices of gasoline and electricity.

This is an era of energy! People all over the world read the articles about importance of energy in Times, watch TV program about energy exploiture on Discovery Channel and talk about the area conflict which are caused by energy. An increasing number of people are beginning to realize that energy in our planet is so scarce and unrenewable that we must lay more stress on  energy conservation. Some people have suggested that the only effective way to encourage energy conservation is by increasing prices of gasoline and electricity. Well, as for me, it may be an effective way, but it won't be the only one.

First of all, we must admit that increasing prices of gasoline and electricity is an effective way. Nowadays, although people have taken account the dangerous circumstance if the use of energy are still out of control, most of them are still not making idea of energy conservation into action. For example, one of my aunt often tells her daughter that energy of our planet is bound to die out, but she still drives to supermarket which is only 20 minutes' walking away from her home. But when the price of gasoline in China has risen from 3.5 RMB to 5 RMB this year, my aunt begins to choose walking to supermarket instead of driving. From the story of my aunt, we could see that increasing price is indeed helpful and effective for people to reduce use of energy.

However, is it really the case that increasing prices is the only effective way? I don't think so.

In the first place, only increasing prices of gasoline and electricity is not fair for all the people. If taking this method, there will be a circumstance that the rich ones who don't care the prices still use electricity without any control and the poor ones cut some normal use of electricity. As we all know, in the developing country like China, the salary may only meet the basic living needs of average people, people don't have too much money to afford a higher fees. If the prices of electricity rises higher, I think there would some parents won't let their children to use computer or watch TV in their free time, because these two appliances are all using too much electricity which is higher than before. Consequently, this method may not available and helpful all the time.

Secondly, there should be some other methods for us to control the use of energy and make better energy conservation. For example, reducing the parking space of some buildings such as shopping mall or supermarket, or reducing the prices of public transportation such as bus and subway. I know that Beijing took these two methods last year, as a result, the number of people who drive cars is decreasing rapidly and more and more people choose public transportation now. And in my opinion, there should be more methods of energy conservation exerting effective and positive effect in other places or other nations.

Consequently, I think, increasing prices of gasoline and electricity seems to have some availability sometimes, but it is not a good idea that should be widely spread.

[ 本帖最后由 bluecathy 于 2007-8-17 10:50 编辑 ]

森林116UID: 2272614

The only effective way to encourage energy conservation is by increasing prices of gasoline and electricity.

This is an era of energy! People all over the world read the articles about importance of energy in Times, watch TV program about energy exploiture on Discovery Channel and talk about the area conflict which are caused by energy. An increasing number of people are beginning to realize that energy in our planet is so scarce and unrenewable that we must lay more stress on  energy conservation. Some people have suggested that the only effective way to encourage energy conservation is by increasing prices of gasoline and electricity. Well, as for me, it may be an effective way, but it won't be the only one.(非常别致的开头,既介绍了背景,又引入话题,表达自己观点的方式也很新颖简洁)

First of all, we must admit that increasing prices of gasoline and electricity is an effective way (说one of ...比较好). Nowadays, although people have taken account the dangerous circumstance if the use of energy are still out of control(这个长句子有点吃力,要是用whether or not似乎会清晰点..), most of them are still not making idea of energy conservation into action. For example, one of my aunt often tells her daughter that energy of our planet is bound to die out, but she still drives to supermarket which is only 20 minutes' walking away from her home. But when the price of gasoline in China has risen from 3.5 RMB to 5 RMB this year, my aunt begins to choose walking to supermarket instead of driving. From the story of my aunt, we could see that increasing price is indeed helpful and effective for people to reduce use of energy.(例子贴近生活而且对比的不着痕迹..很好)

However, is it really the case that increasing prices is the only effective way? I don't think so.

In the first place, only increasing prices of gasoline and electricity is not fair for all the people. If taking this method, there will be a circumstance that the rich ones who don't care the prices still use electricity without any control and the poor ones cut some normal use of electricity. As we all know, in the developing country like China, the salary may only meet the basic living needs of average people, people don't have too much money to afford a higher fees. If the prices of electricity rises higher, I think there would some parents won't let their children to use computer or watch TV in their free time, because these two appliances are all using too much electricity which is higher than before. Consequently, this method may not available and helpful all the time.(don't要说do not....其他很好)

Secondly, there should be some other methods for us to control the use of energy and make better energy conservation. For example, reducing the parking space of some buildings such as shopping mall or supermarket, or reducing the prices of public transportation such as bus and subway. I know that Beijing took these two methods last year, as a result, the number of people who drive cars is decreasing rapidly and more and more people choose public transportation now(用meanwhile连接好些). And in my opinion, there should be more methods of energy conservation exerting effective and positive effect in other places or other nations.

Consequently, I think, increasing prices of gasoline and electricity seems to have some availability sometimes, but it is not a good idea that should be widely spread.

非常非常好的文章,显示你的扎实的写作功底!!!!要在考场一定就是满分了!!!!加油!!!!!!!

sharinganUID: 2370981

从开头段来看，LZ的破题点似乎在“only”上。it may be an effective way, but it won't be the only one。  
从结构上看，正文首段首先让步，讲前半句，然后However一转，开始讲自己的main point，最后总结。
可是从内容上看，正文首段讲title statement（TS，下略）的好处，第二段讲TS的不足，第三段才讲了other methods，来照应观点中对only的否定，最后结尾。
个人观点，正文第二段的内容有点偏，以致读起来有点失重的感觉……（正文1，2段把第三段比下去了……显得第三段很弱小的感觉：然而第三段才是表达LZ观点的关键段）如果能结构和内容一致，似乎更好些。
LZ英语底子很好的感觉，读起来特顺畅，PFPF~~  
偶是个最近才开始关心文章结构问题滴小菜鸟，开始学着看文章结构，来试试手，以上个人意见，仅供参考:loveliness:

betsy0605UID: 2320575

原帖由 bluecathy 于 2007-8-16 23:02 发表
The only effective way to encourage energy conservation is by increasing prices of gasoline and electricity.

This is an era of energy! People all over the world read the articles about importa ...

good

helenyuanliUID: 2320846

LZ的文章确实好。生动，贴切，又有说服力。除了英文功底也和中文功底有很大关系哦。zan!!