今天刚写的作文，大家拍转

djconanUID: 2257634

2005.2.19(Leisure vs. technology)
Leisure is a growing industry. People no longer entertain themselves as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Recreation plays an increasingly important role in recent years owing to the fierce competition in modern society. Thus, how to spend their leisure time more entertainingly has been brought to popular attention. In my opinion, utilizing advanced technology in entertainment is, in general, a good idea, though has some drawbacks.

It is admitted that when we entered the 21st century, we have been enjoying the convenience(方便快捷) that modern technology brings in all aspects of life, including leisure time. For instance, we can enjoy a cup of flavored coffee made by a coffee machine in just few seconds instead of the complicated process of grinding the coffee beans by ourselves. Moreover, a considerable ways of relaxing would be presented to us due to the high-technology. Some hi-tech gadgets such as “PlayStation Portable” are warmly welcomed by children, which is surely beyond our imagination when technology was not widely used. All in all, it is the fact that the majority of people prefer today’s leisure time to the past ones.

However, some negative effects that modern technology brings can not be overlooked. Some hi-tech devices being an assistant of our life, “creative thinking” may gradually be a word of past. People do not have to think how to make the coffee beans into a cup of coffee. Instead, they just sit there waiting a couple of time. It may not have so much negative effects on adults，however, for children being the key role of the development of next generation, it would potentially make them less creative.

As a concerned member of our developing society, I would like ask all of you this: “Isn’t it too much for us to ask for convenience at the expense of our creativity of our next generation?” I do agree that we could and have already reaped many benefits of the technology brings to our leisure industry, but shouldn’t we consider things for our next generations? Therefore, I think, at the same time as we enjoy hi-technological spare time, we should tell our children how these technologically sophisticated devices work and intrigue their creativity.

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Recreation plays an increasingly important role in recent years owing to the fierce competition in modern society. Thus, how to spend their leisure time more entertainingly has been brought to popular attention. In my opinion, utilizing advanced technology in entertainment is, in general, a good idea, though has some drawbacks.

It is admitted that when we entered the 21st century, we have been enjoying the convenience that modern technology brings in all aspects of life, including leisure time. For instance, we can enjoy a cup of flavored coffee made by a coffee machine in just few seconds instead of the complicated process of grinding the coffee beans by ourselves. Moreover, a considerable ways of relaxing would be presented to us due to the high-technology. Some hi-tech gadgets such as “PlayStation Portable” are warmly welcomed by children, which is surely beyond our imagination when technology was not widely used. All in all, it is the fact that the majority of people prefer today’s leisure time to the past ones.
                                                                          你这次所选的例子都很到位！

However, some negative effects that modern technology brings can not be overlooked. Some hi-tech devices being an assistant of our life, “creative thinking” may gradually be a word of past. People do not have to think how to make the coffee beans into a cup of coffee. Instead, they just sit there and wait a couple of time. It may not have so much negative effects on adults，however, for children being the key role of the development of next generation（这句好像却主语？）, it would potentially make them less creative.

As a concerned member of our developing society, I would like ask all of you（我以前记得在哪本书上看过，在雅思中尽量不要用这种表达。） this: “Isn’t it too much for us to ask for convenience at the expense of our creativity of our next generation?” I do agree that we could and have already reaped many benefits of the technology brings to our leisure industry, but shouldn’t we consider things for our next generations? Therefore, I think, at the same time as we enjoy hi-technological spare time, we should tell our children how these technologically sophisticated devices work and intrigue their creativity.（不错！）

这次写的不错，暂时只能帮你修改这么多！
你在语法上和细节上都做的很好！举例也比较到位！

                           加油！:)

djconanUID: 2257634

however, for children being the key role of the development of next generation（这句好像却主语？）, it would potentially make them less creative.
这句话的主语是it 前面的是for引导的原因从句，不知道对不对？

thanks

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

原帖由 djconan 于 2007-8-21 12:30 发表
however, for children being the key role of the development of next generation（这句好像却主语？）, it would potentially make them less creative.
这句话的主语是it 前面的是for引导的原因从句，不知 ...

“for children being the key role“ -- 对于儿童来说是非常关键的作用，这个作用应该是creativity吧？ 如果原因是这句话的主语，没有办法理解了。

可能你想表达的意思是：It may not have so much negative effects on adults，however, for children being the key role of the development。

这个It是后边那句话的主语的话，倒是可以理解。

呵呵，这里我也不知道这个It到底能不能做后边那句话的主语，或者说这样表达是否合适？希望高手出来指点一下了！:)

djconanUID: 2257634

原因不是主语，后面的it为主语，我是这样理解的，不知道对不对？

forbeckUID: 2297645

占楼:loveliness:

to 楼下，ft:funk:

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-8-21 15:49 编辑 ]

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

严厉打击以各种名义占楼的板油！:cool:

djconanUID: 2257634

帮我看看？谢谢啦

forbeckUID: 2297645

Recreation plays an increasingly important role in recent years owing to the fierce competition in modern society. Thus, how to spend their(这个指代不明)leisure time more entertainingly has been brought to popular attention. In my opinion, utilizing advanced technology in entertainment is, in general, a good idea, though has some drawbacks.

It is admitted that when we entered the 21st century, we have been enjoying the convenience(方便快捷) that modern technology brings in all aspects of life, including leisure time. For instance, we can enjoy a cup of flavored coffee made by a coffee machine in just few seconds instead of the complicated process of grinding the coffee beans by ourselves. Moreover, a considerable ways of relaxing would be presented to us due to the high-technology. Some hi-tech gadgets such as “PlayStation Portable” are warmly welcomed by children, which is surely beyond our imagination when technology was not widely used. All in all, it is the fact that the majority of people prefer today’s leisure time to the past ones.

However, some negative effects that modern technology brings can not be overlooked. Some hi-tech devices being an assistant of our life, “creative thinking” may gradually be a word of past. People do not have to think how to make the coffee beans into a cup of coffee. Instead, they just sit there waiting a couple of time. It may not have so much negative effects on adults，however, for children being the key role of the development of the next generation（这句没读懂，能不能解释一下）, it would potentially make them less creative.

As a concerned member of our developing society, I would like ask all of you this: “Isn’t it too much for us to ask for convenience at the expense of our creativity of our next generation?” I do agree that we could and have already reaped many benefits of the technology brings to our leisure industry, but shouldn’t we consider things for our next generations? Therefore, I think, at the same time as we enjoy hi-technological spare time, we should tell our children how these technologically sophisticated devices work and intrigue their creativity.

结构逻辑都挺不错的，尤其是最后提出的建议~~

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-8-22 18:36 编辑 ]

djconanUID: 2257634

It may not have so much negative effects on adults，however, for children being the key role of the development of the next generation（这句没读懂，能不能解释一下）, it would potentially make them less creative.
也许，对成年人来说没有那么多的负面影响，但是，对于作为下一代发展的核心人物的儿童来说，它可能会使得他们没有了创造性
大概就是这样，不知道英语有没有错误？

forbeckUID: 2297645

for children being the key role of the development of the next generation
这里可以用从句来修饰children吧？

djconanUID: 2257634

就是being the ....这个来修饰children,这样理解对么？

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

我觉得单从语法上说~这样写是对的吧~