【8月21号】Task1和Task2各一篇，拍吧！

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Task1
Description: The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.

The column graph shows how many hours of leisure time that were enjoyed by males and females among different employment status in a typical week of 1998-1999 period.

Interestingly, according to the graph, the most obvious evidence is that men enjoy more spare time than women in most groups, like full-time, unemployed and retired. Of these three groups , in average, men have nearly 10 hours of leisure time more than women. In the full-time group, which males enjoy approximate 50 hours a week where as less than 40 hours for females. In the groups who were unemployed and retired, it can be seen that parallels between the two , which males have almost 90 hours to entertain and relax, 10 hours more than females.

There were no statistics of males in group of employed as part-time, where females have nearly 40 hours leisure time in a week. And for housewives, they enjoyed almost 50 hours per week.
(Word: 160)

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-21 13:16 编辑 ]

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Task2
Topic: “Prevention is better than cure.”
Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
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提纲：
第一段：随着社会的发展，政府应该为公民提供更好的医疗服务。人吃五谷得百病，预防只是一种辅助措施，应该将更多的钱花在治疗上而不是预防。在本文中，我将阐述这样做的理由。
第二段：疾病是一种自然现象，每天都在发生，不管是大病还是小病，得病是不可避免的。
当前的医疗基础设施还不完善（举例，农村很多人得了病不能得到及时的救治；上次去医院看病，竟然等了2个小时）。
第三段：诚然，作为一种辅助性的措施，预防和教育也是非常重要的。（举例，合适的预防措施可以有效减少传染病的发病率；健康教育可以使人们拥有更好的life style，有效降低的病的机会）
结尾，重申论点。
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In today's society due to the development of economy more demand on health are coming into occurrence. Appropriate and immediate medical therapy must be provided whenever one fall sick. For this reason, the country's health budget should spend on treatment rather than education and prevention firstly.

The ill, no matter serious diseases or minor ailments, are all natural things that everybody will be troubled by them in one's life. A inconvenient truth is that medical infrastructures are far to perfect, especially in developing countries. In rural area, peoples are very difficult to get medical cure in time when they are ill. While in city, the conditions are no better than in country. Take me for instance, last time when I get a little ailment , I went to a fairly big hospital in my city to see a doctor, it is very disappointing that I waited for full two hours. From this, it can be seen that the importance to strengthen the medical infrastructure.

As a supporting measure of medical treatment, health education and prevention are indispensable and play a significant role in country's health system. The incidence of infectious diseases can be reduced largely by the means of prevention such as disinfection and secretion measures. Likewise, health education can make people aware of the interest of correct life style therefore decrease the chance people getting sick.

In conclusion, although health education and preventative measure can bring us a lot of benefits, however, I still insist that government should pay more budget on curing because of its urgent need.
(Word: 258)

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-21 13:14 编辑 ]

kimomoUID: 2377530

感觉进步很大:handshake

forbeckUID: 2297645

占楼:loveliness:

liugq81UID: 2330502

写的这么好 按哪来的勇气拍呀

forbeckUID: 2297645

The column graph shows how many hours of leisure time that were enjoyed by males and females among different employment status in a typical week of 1998-1999 period.

Interestingly, according to the graph, the most obvious evidence is that men enjoy more spare time than women in most groups, like full-time, unemployed and retired. Of these three groups , in average, men have nearly 10 hours of leisure time more than women. In the full-time group, which males enjoy approximately 50 hours a week where as less than 40 hours for females. In the groups who were unemployed and retired, it can be seen that parallels between the two , which males have almost 90 hours to entertain and relax, 10 hours more than females.

There were no statistics of males in group of employed as part-time, where females have nearly 40 hours leisure time in a week. And for housewives, they enjoyed almost 50 hours per week.
(Word: 160)

佩服，我实在提不出什么意见了:loveliness:

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-8-21 19:43 编辑 ]

djconanUID: 2257634

Description: The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.

The column graph shows how many hours of leisure time that were enjoyed by males and females among different employment status in a typical week of 1998-1999 period.

Interestingly, according to the graph, the most obvious evidence is that men enjoy more spare time than women in most groups, like full-time, unemployed and retired. Of these three groups , in average, men have nearly 10 hours of leisure time more than women. In the full-time group, which males enjoy approximate 50 hours a week where as less than 40 hours for females.这句话中主语是什么？没懂。可能是我水平太差了。。。 In the groups who were unemployed and retired, it can be seen that parallels between the two , which males have almost 90 hours to entertain and relax, 10 hours more than females.

There were no statistics of males in group of employed as part-time, where females have nearly 40 hours leisure time in a week. And for housewives, they enjoyed almost 50 hours per week.
总体来说，很好！ 我很欣赏，我要是能写出来就好了

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

:L  
H-kevin奖励寄托币的政策不灵了？？

forbeckUID: 2297645

In today's society due to the development of economy more demand on health are coming into occurrence（这句没看懂）. Appropriate and immediate medical therapy must be provided whenever one falls sick. For this reason, the country's health budget should spend on treatment rather than education and prevention firstly.

The ill, no matter serious diseases or minor ailments, are all natural things that everybody （过于绝对了吧？并不是每个人都会感染严重疾病的呀！而且，看这句话时，我就着急，为什么还不切入正题呢？有点废话凑字数的嫌疑）will be troubled by them in one's life. A inconvenient truth is that medical infrastructures are far to perfect, especially in developing countries. In rural area, peoples are very difficult to get medical cure（我查了下，觉得用it is very difficult for …..好像更地道些） in time when they are ill. While in city, the conditions are no better than in country. Take me for instance, last time when I get a little ailment , I went to a fairly big hospital in my city to see a doctor, it is very disappointing that I waited for full two hours. From this, it can be seen that the importance to strengthen the medical infrastructure.（例子最好不要选择自己或朋友，也许一些报道的说服力会更强）

As a supporting measure of medical treatment, health education and prevention are indispensable and play a significant role in country's health system. The incidence of infectious diseases can be reduced largely by the means of prevention such as disinfection and secretion（惭愧，专业词汇忘了好多，除了分泌，还有什么意思吗？才不出来） measures. Likewise, health education can make people aware of the interest of correct life style therefore decrease the chance people getting sick.

因为你的观点是支持治疗为主，如果能在这一段叙述一下只是单纯健康教育可能产生的问题

In conclusion, although health education and preventative measure can bring us a lot of benefits, however, I still insist that government should pay more budget on curing because of its urgent need.
(Word: 258)

废话一句，这题目要是让我写，我支持健康教育更重要的观点，嘻嘻~~

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-8-21 22:17 编辑 ]

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

感谢蒙牛兄中肯、到位并且非常及时的修改！:loveliness:

嗯。。。好好研究一下！

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

In the full-time group, which males enjoy approximate 50 hours a week where as less than 40 hours for females.

谢谢djconan！:)

这句确实有点问题，我想表达的意思是：在全职工作这一组，每周男性可以拥有50小时的休闲时间，而女性只有不到40个小时。

或许改为：In the full-time group, males enjoy approximate 50 hours of leisuer time per week, whereas females just enjoy less than 40 hours.  更好一些？

djconanUID: 2257634

good job

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

peoples are very difficult to get medical cure（我查了下，觉得用it is very difficult for …..好像更地道些）

嗯，那应该改成这样？ ： It is very difficult for people to get medical cure?

（例子最好不要选择自己或朋友，也许一些报道的说服力会更强）

谢谢提醒！
:handshake

secretion

汗一个。。。我想说隔离来着。。。不知道咋拼呢，就胡写了一个。。。应该是：segregation

due to the development of economy more demand on health are coming into occurrence（这句没看懂）

这句想表达的意思是：随着经济的发展，越来越多对于健康的要求开始出现。不知道这样表达对不对，刚学的。。。

djconanUID: 2257634

你的词汇量好大;d: 羡慕啊

forbeckUID: 2297645

原帖由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-21 23:24 发表


due to the development of economy more demand on health are coming into occurrence（这句没看懂）
这句想表达的意思是：随着经济的发展，越来越多对于健康的要求开始出现。不知道这样表达对不对，刚学的。。。

那economy more 时不是要加个，啊？economy， more ？