今天刚写的作文，欢迎大家拍砖~~~~

djconanUID: 2257634

2006.4.8(space travel)
Space travel to the moon is considered as “a step of mankind”. But some people think that space travel has made little difference on people’s lives today. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Traveling to the outer space has brought to such popular attention that a large number of countries place it on the agenda as an important matter. Some people believe that space exploration could not bring many changes to people’s life. However, I disagree with it to some extent.

It is admittedly true that the changes that space travel brings may not so obvious that anyone in the world could reap many benefits. Most of results, as every outsider saw, are just some rocks and sand from the moon. Even, some opponents of the space travel point to the fact that there are an increasing number of matters confronted by people, which should be considered first. The money and efforts now being wasted on space travel could be wisely spent on other more essential matters, such as environmental protection, solving the problems of housing shortage.

However, the benefits that space exploration brings should not be overlooked. A large number of great inventions, some of which even play significant parts in saving people’s lives, are the direct or indirect results of space exploration. For instance, neither heart pacemaker nor freeze-dried foods could be invented without space program. Furthermore, the exploration of the outer space is an essential way for people on earth to find another planet for them to live, for the environment on earth has been destroyed to such a serious extent that human beings may be unable to rely on. Lastly, the supporters of the space programs point to the scientific knowledge that could be obtained from the outside world.

In conclusion, the space research could bring enormous positive changes not only on practical benefits but also on theoretical knowledge. Therefore, space travel is of great necessity to people living on the earth.

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

向forbeck学习~
占楼先！:loveliness:

djconanUID: 2257634

晕。。。。。。

coastUID: 2385334

写的不错，但有个小小的疑问，为什么很多句子这么长，用这么多、这么复杂的句式？难道越复杂分越高吗？我不这样认为，特别是这种非应用文，我觉得一两个复杂的句式就够了。
或者也可能是偶的水平还比较低，但我天天读papers，也很少见这么复杂的句式。

djconanUID: 2257634

我知道长句子我总写不好，但是写短句子，我怕分更低

67169619UID: 2320695

;d: 长短互配啊
这样最好 ;d:

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Traveling to the outer space has brought to such popular attention that a large number of countries place it on the agenda as an important matter. Some people believe that space exploration could not bring many changes to people’s life. However, I disagree with it to some extent.

It is admittedly true（意义上有些重叠，用一个就好了） that the changes that space travel brings may not so obvious that anyone in the world could reap many benefits. Most of results, as every outsider saw, are just some rocks and sand from the moon.（中式英语的味道太浓了，而且，好像没有most of results这种表达吧？可以说Most results show that there are ...） Even, some opponents of the space travel point to the fact that there are an increasing number of matters confronted by people, which should be considered first. The money and efforts now being wasted on space travel could be wisely spent on other more essential matters, such as environmental protection, solving the problems of housing shortage.

However, the benefits that space exploration brings should not be overlooked. A large number of great inventions, some of which even play significant parts in saving people’s lives, are the direct or indirect results of space exploration. For instance, neither heart pacemaker nor freeze-dried foods could be invented without space program. Furthermore, the exploration of the outer space is an essential way for people on earth to find another planet for them to live, for the environment on earth has been destroyed to such a serious extent that human beings may be unable to rely on. Lastly, the supporters of the space programs point to the scientific knowledge that could be obtained from the outside world.

In conclusion, the space research could bring enormous positive changes not only on practical benefits but also on theoretical knowledge. Therefore, space travel is of great necessity to people living on the earth.

在我看来这篇作文写的非常棒！
词汇使用丰富，句式也富于变化，文章的分段和结构组织上也比较合理，进步很大！:)
一点建议是：多看些范文，努力在写作的过程中能够用英语去思考，而不是想好汉语之后再翻译过来（当然这很难，非朝夕之功。不过毋庸置疑，这是我们用英语写作的最高要求）。

forbeckUID: 2297645

嘻嘻！继续占楼~~;d:

67169619UID: 2320695

;d:

djconanUID: 2257634

谢谢阿
还是想请教一下，我那个特中国化的句子，要怎么改呢？ 我想表达的是，太空探索的结果，在局外人看来就是一些从月球带回来的石头和沙子
麻烦帮我解答，谢谢

djconanUID: 2257634

不要光占楼啊，呵呵，帮我改改，谢谢喽:handshake

forbeckUID: 2297645

Traveling to the outer space has brought to such popular attention that a large number of countries place it on the agenda as an important matter. Some people believe that space exploration could not bring many changes to people’s life. However, I disagree with it to some extent.It is admittedly true（意思重复） that the changes that space travel brings may not be so obvious that anyone in the world could reap many benefits. Most of results, as every outsider saw, are just some rocks and sand from the moon. Even, some opponents of the space travel point outthe fact that there are an increasing number of matters confronted by(好像没有这种用法，我的建议是改成——people are confronted with an …) people, which should be considered first. The money and efforts now being wasted on space travel could be wisely spent on other more essential matters, such as environmental protection, solving the problems of housing shortage.However, the benefits that space exploration brings should not be overlooked. A large number of great inventions, some of which even play significant parts in saving people’s lives, are the direct or indirect results of space exploration. For instance, neither heart pacemaker nor freeze-dried foods could be invented without space program. Furthermore, the exploration of the outer space is an essential way for people on earth to find another planet for them to live, for the environment on earth has been destroyed to such a serious extent that human beings may be unable to rely on. Lastly, the supporters of the space programs point to the scientific knowledge that could be obtained from the outside world.In conclusion, the space research could bring enormous positive changes not only on practical benefits but also on theoretical knowledge. Therefore, space travel is of great necessity to people living on the earth.

嘻嘻！进步挺大的~~

djconanUID: 2257634

谢谢阿

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

原帖由 djconan 于 2007-8-22 16:46 发表
谢谢阿
还是想请教一下，我那个特中国化的句子，要怎么改呢？ 我想表达的是，太空探索的结果，在局外人看来就是一些从月球带回来的石头和沙子
麻烦帮我解答，谢谢

这样改不知道可不可以：
In the outliers eyes, the result of space exploration is jsut some sands and stones from the moon, what are useless to us.

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-22 17:42 编辑 ]

djconanUID: 2257634

恩，good job! 但是outliers eyes?  我没查到outlier的意思？