【8月25号】大大小小各一篇，辛苦了！

forbeckUID: 2297645

先改x1983n同学的~~~~~:handshake

67169619UID: 2320695

hehh
又误会人:(

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

呵呵，没关系啦
蒙牛mm回来了就好 ， 坛子里又热闹了 ~:)

forbeckUID: 2297645

This(These) two charts depict that Japanese tourists go abroad for travelling and Australia's share of Japanese tourist market in a period from 1985 to 1995. In 1985, there are(were) about 5 millions Japanese tourists went abroad. From 1985 to 1990, the number of travellers increased dramatically from 5 millions to almost 11 millions. Then(这个连接词用在这很突兀，尤其还独立成句) followed a slightly(slight) drop in 1990(好像是91年吧？). Between 1992 to 1993, the number remained stable and then raised to more than 15 millions in 1995.

The percentage of Japanese tourists who（这个指代的是percentage or tourists,要不就去掉） coming to Australia increased all the way in this period. From nearly 2 per cent in 1985 to about 5 per cent in 1995（又是一个突然的独立成句）. However there two little fluctuations, one occurred in 1988-89, dropped from nearly 5 per cent to a slight more than 4 per cent, another（改为the other，有一个指代问题） occurred in last two years, dropped（这个词用了好几次了） from the peak in this decade, approximately 6.2 per cent to 6 per cent.

forbeckUID: 2297645

又来了:funk:

why:confused:

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

:handshake 太感动了。。。。。为forbeck同学的工作精神。。。。

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

别理他！
我严重怀疑067080117 是某人的MJ。。。。;d:

67169619UID: 2320695

是我的MJ ？

67169619UID: 2320695

:rolleyes: 老兄  你不去灌水专用版灌水 ，:rolleyes:

等会 凯文会删的你的帖子和你的分数的 :o

forbeckUID: 2297645

Nowadays（借用《IELTS作文中要避免的句子》里说到的：使用这个词，没有一个具体的时间，用在文章里显得太普通了，作者老师的原话是:it does not mean very much）, building safety is gradually becoming a significant problem in our modern society. It seems to me that government should undoubtedly shoulder the responsibility to make safety standards to ensure the quality of building.

Completion of buildings occurred everywhere and everyday, but, are there existing enough careful considerations in quality and safety of their new homes before people move in（这部分的顺序可以调整一下，很别扭）? According to a new survey, the buildings（这个主语和后边的60%有悖） with quality and safety problems taking（动词哪去啦呀？） nearly 60 percent of all. Housing safety has increasingly given rise to social concerns.

It is government's duty to consider building safety since this problems（抓到小错误咯） have affinitive relationships with people's lives and property. A feasible and practical solution is making correlation codes to establish reliable safety standards by government and followed strictly by constructors under rigid supervision from official organization. Owe to involving of reality interests, enforcing safety code by contractors is infeasible and may induce more potential problems such as doing disqualification works and using inferior materials.（doing & using有点累赘了）

In brief, when having respect to people's direct benefits, the proper measure is making effective measures and taking actions by government（这句话如果改成强调政府作用，可能呼应段首段观点的效果会更好些，即把gobernment放在句首，然后顺理成章的有他们提出解决方案） rather than passing responsibility on others. Over this matter of building safety problem, government should adopt series steps such as establish（establishing） strict safety standards to ensure the quality of new building. As contractor, in addition to abiding this codes closely, it is necessary to have a sense of social responsibility.(这句话有点多余，破坏了结尾段咯，而且有点昨天你的那篇偷换概念的感觉)

1、    人人都看得出来的字数不够，考试时，千万要注意，这可是大忌
2、  你的逻辑和词汇我没什么好说得了，只有佩服
3、  一些细节的语法错误
还有一点，这两次作文的概念被延伸了，考试时刻得就事论事哦

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-8-25 18:49 编辑 ]

H-KevinUID: 2182070

不管是谁的MJ, 禁止访问， 封ID :rolleyes:

67169619UID: 2320695

就是;d: