大作文,欢迎提意见!

ray-dayUID: 2366509

Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace then with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

It is truth universally acknowledged that the moment one part of out modern life starts going smoothly, another area of it falls spectacularly to pieces. Obviously, as the rapidly developing modernization procedure, we are confronting with a predicament, which is whether the old, historic buildings should be destroyed or preserved?

in my opinion, It seems that we ought to protect old buildings which are worth to and establish new buildings which are fit to our life.

Historic architectures definitely are worth to be careful preserved in that those masterpieces, which had been established since ancient time are a core component of our legacy. Those historic buildings, from Song age to Qing dynasty, all of them stand for out glorious traditional culture. If we destroyed them, not only we lost the historic spots but lose the national culture identity. Top that, a city without its own spiritual soul, no matter how modern it is, it will fail to go astray in the complex fashion world.

Compared with the first statement, a series of advantages supported that we should destroy old buildings and replace with modern one. Those remarkable functions the new buildings have, such as save-energy, more security, less noise cater for almost citizens who living in the modern communities than the old buildings'.

From what has been analyzed, I suggested that we should select much valuable from those old historic buildings and to preserve them. At the mean time, the modern buildings should be established by the local authorities. Using this accessible approach, I think, we could keep our culture sign whilst keeping pace with the tide of modern life

forbeckUID: 2297645

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=724783&highlight=
请先将你的作文贴地址链接到这里，会有热心板油帮忙修改:handshake

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-8-27 18:40 编辑 ]

ray-dayUID: 2366509

哦,这样滴...
谢谢牛牛:loveliness:

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

It is truth universally acknowledged that
这个怎么说？:loveliness:

forbeckUID: 2297645

地球人都知道;d:

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

我不知道自己翻得准不~我没用过这个~~孤陋寡闻了~:loveliness:

futuremanUID: 2327059

sigh...看来我要主动出来拉生意拉~~~
恩 以后看见来发贴改作文却不看修改铺的...只能这么干了

H-KevinUID: 2182070

大家可能没有见过这种修改方式，

我刚到aw版的时候也不懂，帖子被iq锁了好几次。。。

会慢慢好起来的 ~~~~~ ;d:

futuremanUID: 2327059

Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace then with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

It is truth universally acknowledged that the moment one part of out [our] modern life starts going smoothly, another area of it falls spectacularly to pieces. Obviously, as the rapidly developing modernization procedure, we are confronting with a predicament, which is whether the old, historic buildings should be destroyed or preserved? [由普遍背景引入主题，这样立意非常好，但是不应该用一个一个问句结尾，你应该直接点出立场，是毁掉老建筑还是保留]

in [In] my opinion, It seems that we ought to protect old buildings which are worth to and [^also] establish new buildings which are fit to our life.[平衡观点很好，把这句TS合并到上面形成开头段吧]

Historic architectures definitely are [are definitely副词在be动词后面] worth to be careful [carefully] preserved in that those masterpieces, which had been established since ancient time are a core component of our legacy. Those historic buildings, from Song age to Qing dynasty, all of them stand for out [our] glorious traditional [glorious和traditional都是形容词最好不连用，改为glorious traditions好些] culture. If we destroyed [destroy保持时态一致] them, not only we lost the historic spots but lose the national culture identity. Top that, a city without its own spiritual soul, no matter how modern it is, it will fail to [去掉fail to，你的意思正好说反了] go astray in the complex fashion world.

Compared with the first statement, a series of advantages supported that we should destroy old buildings and replace with modern one. Those remarkable functions the new buildings have, such as save-energy, more security, less noise cater for almost citizens who living in the modern communities than the old buildings'. [这段论证太单薄了，可以再举一个原因，比如现代建筑也能体现国家文化价值，而且符合全球化的时代浪潮]

From what has been analyzed, I suggested that we should select much valuable from those old historic buildings and to preserve them. [第一句话其实可以作为支持保留历史建筑那段的TS，这样脉络更清晰] At the mean time, the modern buildings should be established by the local authorities. Using this accessible approach, I think, we could keep our culture sign whilst keeping pace with the tide of modern life。


文章的语言很不错，已经有了优秀习作的底子~~
结构上还有可以改进的地方：
1 你的首段要在最后清晰有力的提出自己的立场，TS的重要程度决定了你的分数
2 你论证了保留和不保留的理由，说明你思维很完备，但是你应该进一步说明什么样的历史建筑应该保留及原因，什么样的要拆除来建新的，这样有所区分的论述，不至于中间两段看起来像是自己打了自己嘴巴一样，结构上有些矛盾（就好比说应该生孩子因为有好处，但是生孩子不好BLBLBL，逻辑上很别扭，那你到底是支持还是不支持），平衡观点一定注意正反两方面要侧重不同的角度，论证才能有力。

欢迎你也给别人改作文，从而学习别人的长处，不要顾虑自己的水平不够，你的修改可以提供一个不同的方面给作者参考，而且更快的提高自己:)

[ 本帖最后由 futureman 于 2007-8-28 12:56 编辑 ]

GriSSom.ZZXUID: 2234108

It is truth universally acknowledged that the moment one part of out modern life starts going smoothly, (another area->other?) of it falls spectacularly to pieces. Obviously, as the rapidly developing modernization procedure, we are confronting with a predicament, which is whether the old, historic buildings should be destroyed or preserved? In my opinion, It seems that we ought to protect old buildings which are worth to and establish new buildings which are fit to our life.

（开头不错，引出了论题，也没有完全重抄题目）

Historic architectures definitely are worth to be (careful->carefully) preserved in that those masterpieces, which had been established since ancient time are a core component of our legacy. Those historic buildings, from Song age to Qing dynasty, (all of them->\) stand for (out->\) glorious traditional culture. If we destroyed them, not only (^do) we lost the historic spots but lose the national culture identity. (Top that->On top of that), a city without its own spiritual soul, no matter how modern it is (^now), it will (fail to->\?||go astray貌似是迷失的意思，所以我想你可能是多了一个fail) go astray in the complex fashion world.Compared with the first statement, a series of advantages supported that we should destroy old buildings and replace with modern one. Those remarkable functions the new buildings have, such as (save-energy->energy-saving), (more security->high security), (less noise->noise-suppressing,) cater for almost (^all the) citizens (who->\) living in the modern communities (^rather) than the old buildings.


（这一段论证有点简单了，可以就某个新型建筑的好处详细讲一下）

From what has been analyzed, I (suggested->suggeste) that we should (select much valuable from those old historic buildings->take advantage of those valuable from those old historic buildings) and (to->therefore) preserve them. (At->In) the meantime, the modern buildings should be established by the local authorities. Using this accessible approach, I think, we could keep our culture sign whilst keeping pace with the tide of modern life


（采取平衡观点，但结尾有谈到了新建筑的建立应该由相关部门批准，这在前面没有提到；还不如结合倒数第二段的论证，说因为新建筑有种种好处，所以也不应该一味排斥新建筑）

（总的来说lz语言方面没什么问题，在文章结构方面再努努力吧）

[ 本帖最后由 GriSSom.ZZX 于 2007-8-28 11:29 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

太感谢菠萝未来的同学了:loveliness: :handshake
我唯一的两分就送给你把~~~~~~

ray-dayUID: 2366509

真是没有想到,感动中...

感谢
futureman (菠萝)
GriSSom.ZZX (JG.S.WofA) 的认真和很有水准的修改!  也非常感谢其他兄弟的善解人意的评论和帮助~!

刚来论坛还有很多都不懂的问题,可是大家的热心和宽容实在是太...泪奔....

我会努力滴~~
同时也 try 去对其他筒子的文章发表自己的意见...不过对我这种改错题经常全军覆没的地人来说,动别人的文章实在是很心虚...
呵呵...

ray-dayUID: 2366509

Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace then with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.



It is truth universally acknowledged that the moment one part of our modern life starts going smoothly, another area of it falls spectacularly to pieces. Obviously, as the rapidly developing modernization procedure, we are confronting with a predicament, which is whether the old, historic buildings should be destroyed or preserved? In my opinion, it seems that we ought to protect old buildings which are worth to and also establish new buildings which are fit to our life.

I insist that we should select much valuable buildings from the old historic parts and preserve them, for instance, the mystic temple, the well-known litterateur’s former resident etc. Those historic architectures are definitely worth to be carefully preserved in that the masterpieces, which had been constructed since ancient time are a core component of our legacy. From Song age to Qing dynasty, all of them stand for our glorious civilization. If we destroy them, not only do we lost the historic spots but lose the national culture identity. On top of that, a city without its own spiritual identity, no matter how modern it is, it will go astray in the complex fashion world.

On the contrary, I don’t think that modern buildings shouldn’t be built.  Compared with the old one, a series of advantages supported that modern buildings should be substituted with old one. Those remarkable functions the new buildings have, such as energy-saving, high security and noise-suppressing cater for all the citizens living in the modern communities rather than the old buildings'. Moreover, modern architecture as a mirror also reflects the pace of our contemporary society evolution and the tendency of global development.

From what has been analyzed, I suggest that the precious historic buildings should be preserved and rest of them ought to be replaced by the modern one. Using this accessible approach, I think, we could keep our culture sign whilst keeping pace with the tide of modern life.

[ 本帖最后由 ray-day 于 2007-8-28 15:58 编辑 ]

futuremanUID: 2327059

rayday~:loveliness:
你这篇文章入选优秀习作了
来看吧 加油~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-729385-1-1.html