Task2 习作一篇， 请拍！

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Topic：What should a government do for a country to become successful?
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提纲：
第一段：什么是成功的国家？ 首段阐述成功国家的定义：强大的国防，科技实力，外交地位等，并表明自己的观点。
第二段：信息时代国家之间的竞争实际上是科技实力的竞争，教育是科技发展的直接推动力，所以政府应该发展教育。
第三段：政府的责任的保障人民的物质精神需求，人民才是国家的主人，否则表面上再强大也没有用，这里以前苏联为例。
总而言之，一个国家治理好绝对不是一项简单的事情，但是教育和保障人民基本权利确是最根本的两条途径。
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What attributes does a successful country should have? It seems to me that possessing a superior position in the world, having powerful national defense as well as ensuring of people's basic rights are the main characters of a brilliance nation. This essay will look at some measures a government can carry out to achieve success.

It is often claim that 21st century is an Information and Biotechnology Age. As a country in this epoch, the essential access to become a powerful and competitive nation is through the way that strengthen science and technology level, and the underlying driving force come from education directly. For this reason, it is without question that government put the education as one of its primary missions.

However, it is far to perfect that merely have an apparently power. Take former Soviet Union for example, it meet the standard of a successful country in nearly all aspects except people's life. What is the final result? In fact this ending is a foregone conclusion. The people is the master of a nation actually, as a classical Chinese saying goes ”As water can float a boat, so can it capsize it.”, here water represent masses while boat is government, only these countries who have satisfied the people's requirements both in respect to material and spirit, can remain stability of society, furthermore, have chances to become a powerful nation.

In conclusion, although it is not simple to make a country successful, there are concrete steps that can be taken to strength a nation's power. However, if there are few person who have received higher education, and if people lack food and clothes, in all senses, does this country can be called success?
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[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-28 12:56 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

刚起床就写好了啊？太快了点:handshake

占位修改去了~~~~~~今天让conanMM也来帮忙;d:

forbeckUID: 2297645

What attributes does a successful country should have? It seems to me 这个主观的词要少用点that possessing a superior position in the world, having powerful national defense as well as ensuring of people's basic rights are the main characters of a brilliance/n. 改为brilliant？ nation. This essay will look at some measures a government can carry out to achieve success. 说实话，这个题目太不完整了，不过，这个开头到时给自己选择了一个很好的角度

It is often claimed that 21st century is an Information and Biotechnology Age. As a country in this epoch, the essential access to become a powerful and competitive nation is through the way that strengthen science and technology level, and the underlying driving force这个词要记下 comes from education directly. For this reason, it is without question that这样写，太繁琐了点 government put the education as one of its primary missions把without question放在后边吧

However, it is far to perfect that merely have an apparently power. Take former Soviet Union for example, it meet/met the standard of a successful country in nearly all aspects except people's life. What is the final result? In fact this ending is/was a foregone conclusion. The people is the master of a nation actually放在句首, as a classical Chinese saying goes ”As water can float a boat, so can it capsize it.”, here water represents masses while boat is government, only these countries应该还要继续使用government吧？  who have satisfied the people's requirements both in respect to material and spirit, can remain stability of/in society, furthermore, have chances to become a powerful nation.
我认为这两段话和首段扣得不紧，在首段中，你提到a superior position，powerful national defense 和ensuring of people's basic rights是一个国家成功的三个最重要因素，但接下来的两段，你虽然提出了如何实现的方法，感觉脱离了你的中心段的意思。我的建议是，既然已经提出那三点，就顺着这来讨论解决方法，文章读着也许会更公正些　

In conclusion, although it is not simple to make a country successful, there are concrete steps that can be taken to strength a nation's power. However, if there are few persons who have received higher education, and if people lack food and clothes/clothing, in all senses, does this country can be called success如果我是GZ，我说不怎么办?嘻嘻！这句话太没自信咯~~

你和CONAN MM有一个区别就是，她擅长写SOLUTION 之类的题目，而你擅长的是ARGUMENT，可能是因为准备G吧？

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

谢谢蒙牛MM！
你的修改意见总是对我非常有帮助！:handshake