一篇大作文,请拍~

ray-dayUID: 2366509

Some people prefer to stay in the same job for the same company, but others prefer to change jobs frequently. You should use specific reasons to compare the advantages and disadvantages of both sides.



It seems that pursuing the working challenge whilst satisfying with familiar working circumstance is such a naturally predicament of human being. As a result, some people want to change their position frequently, while others prefer to fixed their job.


Both views are all make sense. People claimed that changing makes better. Obviously, they could seek much higher position and more comfortable working condition by changing jobs. In addition, it is good for keeping the professional ambition and avoiding the notorious “office policy”. Because once you join a new group, everything is totally new to you. It’s a grand new start so that you can get rid of the stereotype of the former company and involved yourself into the new one. On the other hand, keeping stay is also a good choice. Familiar with a 100% peaceful working relationship, every task that your boss allocated to you could be carry out smoothly, that means, you have faith to deal with all kinds of working troubles. With this advantage, you could win the appreciation from your supervisor, even you will get promote.


But attention should be paid that either “stay” or “change” have some prominent bad factors. If you change your job frequently, then you may lose the working devotion. You have to fit into the working rhythm of the new company and be confused what is the exactly thing you should do. In terms of keeping the same job, the most remarkable deficiency is a dearth of challenge.


After weighing all aspects of “stay” and “change”, I suggest that the reasonable and sensible approach to solve the embarrassment that is keeping the senses of diligence and devotion. Then you’ll receive tons of surprise that the working brings to you.  (288)

[ 本帖最后由 ray-day 于 2007-8-28 20:51 编辑 ]

capricUID: 2331822

It seems that pursuing the working challenge whilst satisfying with familiar working circumstance is such a naturally natural predicament of human being. As a result, some people want to change their position frequently, while others prefer to fixed their job. (prefer to，我建议用prefer，此处改成：while others prefer their fixed job，好不好？)


Both views are all make sense . People claimed that changing makes better. Obviously, they could seek much higher position and more comfortable working condition by changing jobs. In addition, it is good for keeping the professional ambition and avoiding the notorious “office policy”. Because once you join a new group, everything is totally new to you. It’s a grand  brand new start so that you can get rid of the stereotype of the former company and involved yourself into the new one. On the other hand, keeping stay is also a good choice. Familiar with a 100% peaceful working relationship, every task that your boss allocated to you could be carry  carried out smoothly, that means, you have faith to deal with all kinds of working troubles. With this advantage, you could win the appreciation from your supervisor, even you will get promote. (一点个人建议，could，will在语境和上下文中似乎不是很搭配。另：get promote 改为get a promotion可否？ 或者get promoted)


But attention should be paid that either “stay” or “change” have  has some prominent bad factors. If you change your job frequently, then you may lose the working devotion. You have to fit into the working rhythm of the new company and be confused what is the exactly thing you should do. In terms of keeping the same job, the most remarkable deficiency is a dearth of challenge.


After weighing all aspects of “stay” and “change”, I suggest that the reasonable and sensible approach to solve the embarrassment that is is that keeping the senses (sense可好？) of diligence and devotion. Then you’ll receive tons of surprise that the working brings to you.  (288)

我的看法：
条理清晰、思路清楚。
其中，make sense和 tons of 稍带些口语化色彩，不知我说的合适否？
总之，我觉得读起来很上口。

欢迎大家继续提出修改意见。

[ 本帖最后由 capric 于 2007-8-29 06:40 编辑 ]

futuremanUID: 2327059

先感谢capric的点评呵呵 来组织互改小组吧~~;d:

futuremanUID: 2327059

Some people prefer to stay in the same job for the same company, but others prefer to change jobs frequently. You should use specific reasons to compare the advantages and disadvantages of both sides.

It seems that pursuing the working challenge whilst [whilst是古语词？建议不要用了，直接while] satisfying with familiar working circumstance is such a naturally predicament of human being. As a result, some people want to change their position frequently, while others prefer to fixed their job.[你的文章要说你的立场，不要提到some people怎么说就完了，好像这个问题和前面的文章问题一致，你必须再加一句你自己的观点作为全文TS]


Both views [要把具体的views阐述出来，要不TS太让人摸不着头脑了]are all make sense. People claimed that changing makes better. Obviously, they could seek much higher position and more comfortable working condition[conditions] by changing jobs. In addition, it is good for keeping the professional ambition and avoiding the notorious “office policy”. Because once you join a new group, everything is totally new to you. It’s a grand new [brand new 是一个口语说法，书面就最好不用] start so that[前后文不是so that 结构，去掉that] you can get rid of the stereotype of the former company and involved[involve] yourself into the new one. On the other hand, keeping stay is also a good choice. Familiar with a 100% peaceful working relationship, every task that your boss allocated to you could be carry out smoothly, that[which] means, you have faith to deal with all kinds of working troubles. With this advantage, you could win the appreciation from your supervisor, even you will get promote.


But attention should be paid that either “stay” or “change” have some prominent bad factors. If you change your job frequently, then[if then这是中式表达，去掉then] you may lose the working devotion. You have to fit into the working rhythm of the new company and be confused what is the exactly thing you should do. In terms of keeping the same job, the most remarkable deficiency is a dearth of challenge.


After weighing all aspects of “stay” and “change”, I suggest that the reasonable and sensible approach to solve the embarrassment that is keeping the senses of diligence and devotion. Then you’ll receive tons of surprise that the working brings to you.  (288)

1 语言和用词没有太多可挑剔的地方，还是那么漂亮，赞~
2段落首先要以清晰有力当然有适当文采的TS开头，段落末尾有一点总结作为呼应，中间列举几个原因或例子的分析作为论证过程，这样你的文章才饱满。
3 全文结构上，我觉得是不是可以中间主体两段，一段说stay的好处坏处，一段说change的好处坏处，这样看上去详略更加得当而且文章更平衡。

capricUID: 2331822

呵呵，在文章的严谨和用词方面，你比我更细心。

其中

that[which] means, you have faith to deal with all kinds of working troubles......

But attention should be paid that either “stay” or “change” have some prominent bad factors. If you change your job frequently, then[if then这是中式表达，去掉then] you may lose the working devotion......

这两个地方我也有同感，但并未指出，向菠萝同志学习，彻底的检查。
互改小组，偶好象只能不定时的冒个头给大家修改个一篇、二篇，至于长久的目前恐怕不行
我也快考试了：）友情赞助吧

另外，我觉得在每段的开头和结尾处都写出topic sentence是非常非常不错的，也是个好习惯，一目了然。

[ 本帖最后由 capric 于 2007-8-29 11:58 编辑 ]

futuremanUID: 2327059

每段TS是一定要写的呵，谢谢你来帮忙修改作文，考完有时间的话来帮忙建小组也行;d:
赞山东老乡 哈哈

ray-dayUID: 2366509

菠萝兄的意见一如既往地有道理~~你的意见我要好好总结下.ts ts ts ts...吸取学习...呵呵

capric 老乡的修改也确实仔细认真. 往往我就忽略行文结构和逻辑,逮到什么,会写什么就往上搬...

PS.capric 兄,我是青岛滴...嘿嘿

ray-dayUID: 2366509

菠萝兄的意见一如既往地有道理~~你的意见我要好好总结下.ts ts ts ts...吸取学习...呵呵

capric 老乡的修改也确实仔细认真. 往往我就忽略行文结构和逻辑,逮到什么,会写什么就往上搬...

谢谢各位的辛苦劳动了....

PS.capric 兄,我是青岛滴...嘿嘿

capricUID: 2331822

呵呵，偶在ZB，这城市我就不说了，老污染了。。。
互相学习，互相提高
下去吃饭了，88

futuremanUID: 2327059

哈哈
偶也是青岛人~~;d:

ray-dayUID: 2366509

哈哈
我真....没想到都是山东老乡~
还有条青岛的漏网大鱼....