我的第一篇作文，请大家拍砖，不甚感激

violin75UID: 2366967

人们为什么要上大学，people attend college or university for many different reasons,for expamle,new experience, career preparation, increased knowledge,why do you think people attend college or university?

Nowadays, there is an increasing number of people attending university for further study. The reasons for why they choose to go university are varied, such as to get new experience, (请问大家这样的用法对不对呢）increased knowledge, career preparation, and so on. As far as I am concerned, the main reasons for this are as follows.  

First and foremost, people can obtain more knowledge which is necessary for their future career. Because of the rapid development of the society, much knowledge of subjects are also changing and advancing. For example, the technology such as computer science, communications technology are always developing, if a person with not up-to-date knowledge can't catch up with it, and will not be able to do the job well. So they should attend university to study the basic skills and new knowledge to become competent for the future job.

Besides, people with the university diploma would be more competitive when finding a job. In most cases, a higher degree means a higher salary, it is also means more opportunities to get promotions and advancements. In recent years, it is becoming more and more difficult for people to finding a job, and many companies will require high standards for their candidates, like could  speaking foreign languages and could operating computer proficiently.  Due to the intense competitive situations, many people have to choose to attend the university to complement themselves according to the requirement.

Last but not least, the life in university is so great, so wonderful, maybe it is the best and the most memorable life experience for most people. The life in university can enlarge the knowledge, widen the horizon, and increase the skills of social communications. For instance, People could make many friends, attend some student associations, and choose some subjects they interested in to learn. They will have more freedom to enjoy the university life.

From what has been discussed above, we can draw a conclusion that, attending universities benefits a lot for people who want to obtain more knowledge, job promotions, and new experience.

[ 本帖最后由 violin75 于 2007-9-1 23:51 编辑 ]

icetallicaUID: 2267258

其实我也刚开始准备，不太有发言权，不过我觉得好像有些语法的错误

violin75UID: 2366967

有什么语法错误，请指出，没关系的~~

icetallicaUID: 2267258

我不知道怎么像别人那么改，可能有点乱。

further study 是不是用further education比较好
The reasons for why 应该是 the reasons why
go university -〉attend
to get -> getting
increased knowledge, career preparation,应该跟前面一样，increasing, preparing for career
the main reasons for this 改称 for it
if a person去掉if
competent应该用competitive
Besides, people with the university diploma would be more competitive when finding a job. 这个东西不是上一段已经提了吗？这两个例证太相近了，说服力不充分
could  speaking 改称the candidate should have the ability of speaking....后面的也一样
Due to the intense competitive situations, 改situation
increase the skills of social communications. 改increase the social skills
they interested 改are interested
what has been discussed above 改have been

我语法也不是特别好，你作参考吧，哈哈，还有，我觉得你的文章好像缺乏说服力，其实用‘演绎法’构思挺好的，这样就不会乱了

豆豆～UID: 2378384

knowledge 用的比较多的是acquire和attain。。。