第一篇大作文 22号考 求拍

eraxUID: 2285443

2003年12月13日的一道考题
Nowmany people think that we are spending too much money and time on protectingwild animals. The money should be better spent on human population. Do youagree or disagree?

The protection for the ecological environment is indispensable and irresistible.What is under controversy is whether expenditure and time on protecting wild animals should be held on or to make use of the money and time on human beings,which was considered better for us. In the following, I would like to bring up my point of view.

One of the most significant views is that we had done destroyed the balance of the ecological chain. The wild animals had been over hunted, as a result, many species died out. To go a step further, many other ecological problems will come of this unbalance. The money and time we had spent was to preserve the balance of the ecological environment, which would never be too much because to protect the ecological environment is to protect ourselves.

Another issue we should take granted for is the sustainable development. Many problems will not make their debut before we find we are involved in deep mud, we should do something to avoid great plight. Indeed, without paying enough attention onthe wilds, we still could not benefit more in virtue of the ecological loss. For a down-to-earth consideration, we should share the limited resources with our future generations. Thus, we should see this protection from a perspective of sustainable development

In spite of the fact that we have many social problems, relating compact to the human population, including education, living conditions, medical condition and so on, the long-term efforts on animal protection could never be rendered, for boththe current society and the more beautiful future. This is not only our mission,but also our responsibility.  

[ 本帖最后由 erax 于 2007-9-3 19:34 编辑 ]

futuremanUID: 2327059

revising...

futuremanUID: 2327059

Nowmany people think that we are spending too much money and time on protectingwild animals. The money should be better spent on human population. Do youagree or disagree?

The protection for the ecological environment is indispensable and irresistible.What is under controversy is whether expenditure and time on protecting wild animals should be held on or to make use of the money and time [should be held on or to be made use of,原文有点罗嗦]on human beings,which was considered better for us. In the following, I would like to bring up my point of view.[whats ur point?这里最好交待出来，不要捉迷藏]

One of the most significant views is that we had done destroyed[had disturbed] the balance of the ecological chain. The wild animals had been over hunted, as a result, many species died out. To go a step further, many other ecological problems will come [^out]of this unbalance. The money and time we had spent was to preserve the balance of the ecological environment, which would never be too much because to [去掉to]protect the ecological environment is to protect ourselves.

Another issue we should take granted for is the sustainable development. Many problems will not make their debut before we find we are involved in deep mud, we should do something to avoid great plight. Indeed, without paying enough attention onthe wilds, we still could not benefit more in virtue of the ecological loss. For a down-to-earth consideration, we should share the limited resources with our future generations. Thus, we should see this protection from a perspective of sustainable development

In spite of the fact that we have many social problems, relating compact to the human population, including education, living conditions, medical condition and so on, the long-term efforts on animal protection could never be rendered, for boththe current society and the more beautiful future. This is not only our mission,but also our responsibility.  [最后一段提了用钱解决人类的问题，但是题目很明显是分两个方面，把钱用来保护动物或者解决人类问题，因此最好前面再加一段，着重论述为什么你认为把钱用在人类身上不一定好，从而使你前两段的论证---保护动物怎么都不为过---更加合理且充分]

论证有些缺憾，第一段的TS不够清晰明朗，有些句子一直用反复用，比如we should, 适当换用不同的词汇和句型，才能拿到高分阿~~加油

eraxUID: 2285443

首先叩谢菠萝兄弟抽空指点我的拙作
因为太久没写 果然很多问题
你提的几点 我回看了感觉很受启发
无言再说感谢， just all good luck to you
:) :) :) :)