Task1 + Task2 第三话 求拍

kut1230UID: 2369693

剑3 test4 task 1 and task 2
The graph shows the percentage of jobless people in the US and Japan during six years period.

The figures between the US and Japan were symmetric with the line of 5.0 per cent of workforce. While unemployment rate in US decreased steadily, the other one Japan increased gradually. However, both figures accompanied with slight fluctuation during the changes between March 1993 and March 1999. Jobless rate was nearly 7 per cent in the US in March 1993 which was threefold compared to that of Japan. Nevertheless, such difference has become smaller after two years, and then reached near zero in March 1999. Around March 1999, both two countries had the same average of unemployment rate about 5 per cent. Furthermore, a most surprising thing was, during the variation in Japan, the rate fell and rose evenly with a low peak of 4 per cent between March 1996 and March 1997.

In conclusion, the opportunities of employment seem to be better and better in the US. However, the scene is not shown in Japan.

kut1230UID: 2369693

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
What are your opinions on this?

The issue about whether teenagers should take some works is still contradictory.
Some people think it is benefit for children development, while others believe that is meaningless, and absolutely wrong.

Children will meet the weakness in some kinds of employment as, to be a company owner, he or she may prefer to use less cost to gain the maximum profit. As teens sometimes do not possess much technical knowledge, they can just simply join in the works, such as package posting and type-writing, which are normally less paid than adults. Moreover, through some arduous and repetitive tasks in a factory, they are probably hard to learn any novel skills, which means they get nothing but money.

However, children wants to pick up a part of responsibility to their family, even thought the work is boring. Younger generations, especially born in poor families, realize early that only money can improve their living conditions much better. Those people tend to work themselves in order to release the economic burden of their parents. In addition, they can earn the disposable income without asking the pocket money for their fathers. After having working experience, children can take both ‘working’ and ‘learning’ into account that which one is more suitable in reality, and the potential in the future.

For the children who can make their own decisions, parents should give their hands. Today, an increasing number of teenagers take part in social working, even though there is no financial crisis in their families. In my view, children can take a part-time job during some long-term holidays. On one side, they gain experience through working. On the other side, they pay themselves without parents’ concern.


task1: 19min
task2: 40min

[ 本帖最后由 kut1230 于 2007-9-3 14:58 编辑 ]

lcj_ieltsUID: 2359178

The issue about whether teenagers should take some works is still contradictory.Some people think it is benefit for children development, while others believe that is meaningless, and absolutely wrong.[第一段要提出自己的观点，或者说明文章的写作目的，你只描述了现象]
Children will meet the weakness in some kinds of employment as, to be a company owner, he or she may prefer to use less cost to gain the maximum profit. As teens sometimes do not possess much technical knowledge, they can just simply join in the works, such as package posting and type-writing, which are normally less paid than adults. Moreover, through some arduous and repetitive tasks in a factory, they are probably hard to learn any novel skills, which means they get nothing but money.[这段是不是应该加一个TS？]
However, children wants to pick up a part of responsibility to their family, even thought the work is boring. Younger generations, especially born in poor families, realize early that only money can improve their living conditions much better. Those people tend to work by themselves in order to release the economic burden of their parents. In addition, they can earn the disposable income without asking the pocket money for their fathers[ask...for...倒过来]. After having working experience, children can take both ‘working’ and ‘learning’ into account that which one is more suitable in reality, and [the] potential in the future.
For the children who can make their own decisions, parents should give their hands. Today, an increasing number of teenagers take part in social working, even though there is no financial crisis in their families. In my view, children can take a part-time job during some long-term holidays. On one side, they gain experience through working. On the other side, they pay themselves without parents’ concern.

lz单词量很强大，我都得借助金山词霸:funk: （鄙视下自己）
我是挫人，实在提不出什么别的意见，只是觉得Opinion的文章结构怪怪的

[ 本帖最后由 lcj_ielts 于 2007-9-4 14:57 编辑 ]

kut1230UID: 2369693

:funk: 第一段的确少写了TS.第二段的TS就是开头那个Children will meet the weakness in some kinds of employment,一直沒写opinion不清楚佈局.anyway, thx

futuremanUID: 2327059

revising...

futuremanUID: 2327059

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
What are your opinions on this?

The issue about whether teenagers should take some works is still contradictory.
Some people think it is benefit for children development, while others believe that is meaningless, and absolutely wrong.[首段一定说明your opinion,别人怎么说的只是你的观点的铺垫]

Children will meet the weakness in some kinds of employment as, to be a company owner, he or she may prefer to use less cost to gain the maximum profit.[TS有些长，到第一个逗号就可以结束了，后面的内容作为论证部分] As teens sometimes do not possess much technical knowledge, they can just simply join in the works, such as package posting and type-writing, which are normally less paid than adults. Moreover, through some arduous and repetitive tasks in a factory, they are probably hard to learn [it is hard for them to learn]any novel skills, which means they get nothing but money.

However, children wants to pick up a part of responsibility to their family, even thought the work is boring. [你的TS包含了让步内容，可是整体上你是完全支持孩子们应当工作的，应该在论证中稍微用让步做一下铺垫]Younger generations, especially born in poor families, realize early that only money can improve their living conditions much better. Those people tend to work themselves in order to release the economic burden of their parents. In addition, they can earn the disposable income without asking the pocket money for their fathers. After having working experience, children can take both ‘working’ and ‘learning’ into account that[这个that是套用了什么句型？] which one is more suitable in reality, and the potential in the future.

For the children who can make their own decisions, parents should give their hands. Today, an increasing number of teenagers take part in social working, even though there is no financial crisis in their families. In my view, children can take a part-time job during some long-term holidays. On one side, they gain experience through working. On the other side, they pay themselves without parents’ concern.[结尾看你是完全支持的观点，但是为什么要用一段说参加工作的不利呢，从文章结构看，也应该是平衡观点啊]

基本上正反两方面说的比较全面了，但是观点有些模糊，让人摸不着你是平衡观点还是完全支持一方。另外必须注意句子的正确使用

kut1230UID: 2369693

谢谢菠萝
我是想写中立的,结尾那里加句话怎样
However, we must also consider that children sometimes meet unfavorable situation during their works.