argument145 Spring-第二次作业

yshxaUID: 2303585

TOPIC: ARGUMENT145 - A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
WORDS: 424          TIME: 0:30:00         

    In this argument the author recommends that people who snore should try to eat less than average person and to exercise more, because the one who snores is more likely to gain weight than those who doesn't. To support his claim, the author brings us some evidences about how snoring will make people gain weight. However, this argument suffers from several fatal flaws that weaken the its convincing.
    In the first place, the speaker's assertion that people who snore stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds is not well supported. Without any credible evidence to demonstrate this claim, we cannot know how the break of breathing happened and, more importantly, what effect will be brought by these breaks of breathing. Maybe these breaks are too short to influence the sleeping quality of people who snore, or can not cause obvious effect on their daytime energies. Therefore, we cannot reach the conclusion that snoring will do harm to people's sleeping.
    Even to concede that these interruptions of breathing will wake the sleeping quality of a person, we cannot conclude that these interruptions will make the person too tired during the daytime to exercise. Common sense tells us that many people who have the symptom of snoring, although someone’s are not so frequently, act quite normal in the daytime as people who do not snore. The lack of evidence to show that the interruptions of breathing will cause the exhaustion during the daytime will make the argument unconvincing.
    Moreover, even these interruptions will truly have effects on the people's daily exercise, the author's suggestion that people who snore should eat less and exercise more is also open to doubt. According to the speaker's assertion, the interruption of breathing will wake people up, and weaken the quality of there sleeping, leave the exhaustions on people. Then we can predict that this declination of people's sleeping quality will also make them to lose weight, because these frequent waking of person will consume much more energy and are likely to be more tired than people who sleep well and deep. Therefore, those people who snore have no need to eat less and exercise more in order to keep weight. In contrary, they may even need to eat more to compensate this energy in order to keep healthy.
    In sum, the author's suggestion for the people who snore is quite unfounded. To strengthen his claim, he should provide more evidences to convince us on the points that how the snoring will actually cause people to gain weight.

[ 本帖最后由 yshxa 于 2007-10-29 11:33 编辑 ]

dairuxin512UID: 2178329

In this argument the author recommends that people who snore should try to eat less than average person and to exercise more, because the one who snores is more likely to gain weight than those who doesn't. To support his claim, the author brings us some evidences about how snoring will make people gain weight. However, this argument suffers from several fatal flaws that weaken the多打了 its convincing.
    In the first place, the speaker's assertion that people who snore stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds is not well supported. Without any credible evidence to demonstrate this claim, we cannot know how the break of breathing happened and, more importantly, what effect will be brought by these breaks of breathing. Maybe these breaks are too short to influence the sleeping quality of people who snore, or can not cause obvious effect on their daytime energies. Therefore, we cannot reach the conclusion that snoring will do harm to people's sleeping.
    Even to concede that these interruptions of breathing will wake(weaken) the sleeping quality of a person, we cannot conclude that these interruptions will make the person too tired during the daytime to exercise. Common sense tells us that many people who have the symptom of snoring, although someone’s are not so frequently,什么意思？ act quite normal in the daytime as people who do not snore. The lack of evidence to show that the interruptions of breathing will cause the exhaustion during the daytime will make the argument unconvincing.
    Moreover, even these interruptions will truly have effects on the people's daily exercise, the author's suggestion that people who snore should eat less and exercise more is also open to doubt. According to the speaker's assertion, the interruption of breathing will wake people up, and weaken the quality of there sleeping, leave the exhaustions on people. Then we can predict that this declination of people's sleeping quality will also make them to lose weight, because these frequent wakings of person will consume much more energy and are likely to be more tired than people who sleep well and deep. Therefore, those people who snore have no need to eat less and exercise more in order to keep weight. In contrary, they may even need to eat more to compensate this（去掉this) energy in order to keep healthy.
    In sum, the author's suggestion for the people who snore is quite unfounded. To strengthen his claim, he should provide more evidences to convince us on the points that how the snoring will actually cause people to gain weight.

文章结构清晰，而且很流畅，几乎没有语言上的问题。我觉得你在攻击第一、二点时有些类似，都是说打呼噜的人在睡觉过程中短暂的呼吸停止应该不会对第二天的精力有很大影响。建议你再找一些更明显的逻辑错误攻击，如肥胖的原因，研究所基于的调查可靠性之类的，有空看看我的吧！我觉得我列的逻辑错误和你的很多不同，不过我写的就没有你好了，语言不行啊！继续加油！！！

lazypiggyUID: 2411706

In this argument the author recommends that people who snore should try to eat less than average person and to exercise more, because the one who snores is more likely to gain weight than those who doesn't. To support his claim, the author brings us some evidences about how snoring will make people gain weight. However, this argument suffers from several fatal flaws that weaken the its [its] convincing.
    In the first place, the speaker's assertion that people who snore stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds is not well supported. Without any credible evidence to demonstrate this claim, we cannot know how the break of breathing happened and, more importantly, what effect will be brought by these breaks of breathing. Maybe these breaks are too short to influence the sleeping quality of people who snore, or can not cause obvious effect on their daytime energies. Therefore, we cannot reach the conclusion that snoring will do harm to people's sleeping.
    Even to concede that these interruptions of breathing will wake the sleeping quality of a person, we cannot conclude that these interruptions will make the person too tired during the daytime to exercise. Common sense tells us that many people who have the symptom of snoring, although someone’s are not so frequently, act quite normal in the daytime as people who do not snore. The lack of evidence to show that the interruptions of breathing will cause the exhaustion during the daytime will make the argument unconvincing.这点和上面一点观点有些重合，可以合起来会比较好
Moreover, even these interruptions will truly have effects on the people's daily exercise, the author's suggestion that people who snore should eat less and exercise more is also open to doubt. According to the speaker's assertion, the interruption of breathing will wake people up, and weaken the quality of there [their] sleeping, leave the exhaustions on people. Then we can predict that this declination of people's sleeping quality will also make them to lose weight, because these frequent waking of person will consume much more energy and are likely to be more tired than people who sleep well and deep. Therefore, those people who snore have no need to eat less and exercise more in order to keep weight. In contrary, they may even need to eat more to compensate this energy in order to keep healthy. 喜欢正文这部分的论证，感觉递进很到位，层层深入，赞一个~
    In sum, the author's suggestion for the people who snore is quite unfounded. To strengthen his claim, he should provide more evidences to convince us on the points that how the snoring will actually cause people to gain weight.

层次很清晰的，但是好像有些地方没有攻击到。大部分都是集中在”snore”方面，像刚开始的”a new study”可以从其完备性，还有就是肥胖原因的多样化也是个很好的点。
总的来说写得好棒的~受教了~希望一点拙见能够对你有帮助~~

yshxaUID: 2303585

谢谢各位帮我改作文啊！这篇argu写的是不咋的，匆忙了些，我会改的。
我最近忙着期中考试，还有一些别的事情，可能这两个星期没什么时间来，作业可能也不能按时完成了，大家见谅啊！你们的作业我以后会帮你们改的！