argument145 [spring] 第二次作业

cinda2020UID: 2371432

Argument145
A new study collected data that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. The speaker make a conclude based on what mentioned above that sleep apnea — the interruption of breathing during the night —can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. And the speaker assumed that anyone who snores should try to eat less than average person and to exercise.

I believe the recommendation is not well supported. First of all, assume that the sleep apnea will cause people who snore too tired during the day. It is not followed that they will gain weight than other people. Are those who stop breathing briefly frequently during the night will more tired than those sleep more less? There are other reasons that people do not have enough sleep during the night. Like Some one be busy with their work, sit too late during the night or be insomniac. Obviously, those people less sleep will more tired than those only sleep apnea during the night. Is insomniac all fat than other people? Maybe not, some of them even slim than common people. So we can’t make the conclusion that people who snore will gain weight than people who do not snore.

Even the people who snore will gain weight it is attribute that all the people who snore should try to eat less and to exercise more. Is eat less and exercise more fits to every people who snore? Sleep apnea is all ready a disease that coursed those people in a not very health state, to eat less mean they may not have enough energy to support their body. And if continue to do more exercise , The body will under a condition that it’s energy always not enough. It will course more disease to the body.

People who snore really need recover their healthy; Perhaps it is no use to lose fat or to do exercise. There are many methods for them. Maybe they only need to nap during noon. The interruption of breathing wakes the person so that their brain don’t have enough relax, it is good to give the brain a added chance to relax. It is no use to added the muscles exercise to make up for the brain’s tire. Gain weight is a appearance of the disease, what we should is to find out what really count and do something useful to solve the problem.

In conclusion, the recommendation is attribute. Sleep apnea is not directly due to gain fat and even sleep could course to gain fat, not all the people who snore are fit to eat less and do more exercise. And possibly, people who snore maybe only need a nod in the noon. To better evaluate the recommendation, I would need more information about more investigates.  

atshineUID: 2411331

A new study collected data that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. The speaker make a conclude based on what mentioned above that sleep apnea — the interruption of breathing during the night —can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. And the speaker assumed that anyone who snores should try to eat less than average person and to exercise.

I believe the recommendation is not well supported. First of all, assume (assuming)that the sleep apnea will cause people who snore too tired during the day. It is not followed that they will gain weight than other people. （比较级呢？）Are those who stop breathing briefly （是不是要加and？） frequently during the night will more tired than those sleep more less? There are other reasons that people do not have enough sleep during the night. Like感觉用的不对 Some one be busy with their work, siting too late during the night or be insomniac. Obviously, those people sleep less will more tired than those only sleep apnea during the night. Is insomniac all fat than other people? Maybe not, some of them even slim than common people. So we can’t make the conclusion that people who snore will gain weight than people who do not snore.
第一段应该表达出自己的观点，第2段首句应该放在第一段，是不是排版出错了？

Even the people who snore will gain weight ，it　is（which  is）attributed  to   (  去掉 the  all the people who)   snore should try to eat less and to exercise more. Is eat less and exercise more fits to every people who snore? Sleep apnea is all ready(already)    a disease that coursed those people in a not very healthy state, to eat less mean they may not have enough energy to support their body. And if (是不是缺主语)   continue to do more exercise , The body will under a condition that it’s energy always not enough. It will course more disease to the body.

People who snore really need recover their healthy; Perhaps it is no use to lose fat or to do exercise. There are many methods for them. Maybe they only need to nap during  the noon. The interruption of breathing wakes the person so that their brain don’t have enough relax, it is good to give the brain a added chance to relax. It is no use to added the muscles exercise to make up for the brain’s tire. Gain weight is a appearance of the disease, what we should do  is to find out what really count and do something useful to solve the problem.感觉有点牵强.

in conclusion, the recommendation is attribute.(要表达什么意思? Sleep apnea is not directly due to gain fat睡眠中断不直接归因于长胖?因果关系错了吧.   and even sleep could course to gain fat, not all the people who snore are fit to eat less and do more exercise. And possibly, people who snore maybe only need a nod in the noon. To better evaluate the recommendation, I would need more information about more investigates.

我的语法不是很好,不知道我的更正是否正确,所以用了很多不确定的语句.感觉LZ要多积累写词汇,词汇运用有点单调哦.基本的问题都找到,但是表达上不怎么清晰.多看下范文,加油~!

cinda2020UID: 2371432

非常感谢  辛苦了:)

zythamUID: 2365248

A new study collected data that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. The speaker make a conclude (draws a conclusion) based on what mentioned above (the evidence) that sleep apnea — the interruption of breathing during the night —can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. And the speaker assumed that anyone who snores should try to eat less than average person and to exercise. (这是conclusion, 怎么当作论据了？)

I believe the recommendation is not well supported. First of all, assume (assuming) 一开始就假设他正确，这个逻辑有错误，应该先攻击某点错误，在让步认为即使这点正确又会怎样 that the sleep apnea will cause people who snore too tired during the day. It is not followed that they will gain weight than other people. （比较级呢？）Are those who stop breathing briefly （是不是要加and？） frequently during the night will more tired than those sleep more less? There are other reasons that people do not have enough sleep during the night. Like感觉用的不对 Some one be busy with their work, siting too late during the night or be insomniac. Obviously, those people sleep less will more tired than those only sleep apnea during the night. Is insomniac all fat than other people? Maybe not, some of them even slim than common people. So we can’t make the conclusion that people who snore will gain weight than people who do not snore.
第一段应该表达出自己的观点，第2段首句应该放在第一段，是不是排版出错了？

Even the people who snore will gain weight ，it　is（which  is）attributed  to   (  去掉 the  all the people who)   snore should try to eat less and to exercise more. Is eat less and exercise more fits to every people who snore? Sleep apnea is all ready(already)    a disease that coursed those people in a not very healthy state, to eat less mean they may not have enough energy to support their body. And if (是不是缺主语)   continue to do more exercise , The body will under a condition that it’s energy always not enough. It will course more disease to the body.

People who snore really need recover their healthy; Perhaps it is no use to lose fat or to do exercise. There are many methods for them. Maybe they only need to nap during  the noon. The interruption of breathing wakes the person so that their brain don’t have enough relax, it is good to give the brain a added chance to relax. It is no use to added the muscles exercise to make up for the brain’s tire. Gain weight is a appearance of the disease, what we should do  is to find out what really count and do something useful to solve the problem.感觉有点牵强.

in conclusion, the recommendation is attribute.(要表达什么意思? Sleep apnea is not directly due to gain fat 这个地方你自己把原文逻辑搞错了。。。 睡眠中断不直接归因于长胖?因果关系错了吧.    and even sleep could course to gain fat, not all the people who snore are fit to eat less and do more exercise. And possibly, people who snore maybe only need a nod in the noon. To better evaluate the recommendation, I would need more information about more investigates.

感觉逻辑有些乱。。。