arguement145 spring0806-第二次作业

atshineUID: 2411331

我完全是个新手，请大家多多指教
arg145
     In this argument, the arguer makes a proposal that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. In order to prove his claims, a new study collected data has been quoted that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. In addition, the arguer also shows a common sense to support the conclusion, which says that sleep apnea, a condition caused by snore, can wakes the sleeping person often and leave him too tired to exercise during the day.
     First, the arguer provides no assurances that recently collected data suggesting a correlation between snoring and weight gain are statistically reliable. Common sense tells us that the arguer fails to posit an unequivocal causal relationship between snoring and gaining weight.
    Secondly, assuming the correctness of the evidence the arguer provide, the arguer ascribe the reason for the assumment that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore to the dietetic habits and lacking of exercise. The arguer indicates that people will lose weight by eating less and doing more exercise. Even if weight-gaining to the average people authentically caused by these unhealthy habits, the arguer has not adequately shown that the methods he recommends will hit the goal. For the person who snores, in view of the influence of snore, their weight-gaining caused not only by the arguer has mentioned but also other further factors the arguer hasn’t considered. Consequently, unless the arguer can demonstrate that the exact relation between weight-gaining and snore, the arguer’s recommend about this is unfounded.
     Moreover, even if all the assumments and evidences have adequate theoretic proofs, the recommendation can’t be extended from one single person to any person who snores, basing on the differences between every person.
     In sum, the recommendation is not persuable as it stands. In order to make it reasonable, the author should provide more evidence on the veracity of the study and the relation of snore and weight-gaining. More detailed provided, more convincing it is.


[ 本帖最后由 atshine 于 2007-11-3 17:39 编辑 ]

demerzelUID: 2415264

In this argument, the arguer makes a proposal that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. In order to prove his claims, a new study collected data has been quoted that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. In addition, the arguer also shows a common sense to support the conclusion, which says that sleep apnea, a condition caused by snore, can wakes the sleeping person often and leave him too tired to exercise during the day.
     First, the arguer provides no assurances that recently collected data suggesting a correlation between snoring and weight gain are statistically reliable. Common sense tells us that the arguer fails to posit an unequivocal 好词！！causal relationship between snoring and gaining weight.

这一段缺的东西实在有点多啊，据说有这样一个原则，中间第一段的字数不要少于开头段

    Secondly, assuming the correctness of the evidence the arguer provide, the arguer ascribe the reason for the assumment that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore to the dietetic habits and lacking of exercise. The arguer indicates that people will lose weight by eating less and doing more exercise. Even if weight-gaining to the average people authentically caused by these unhealthy habits, the arguer has not adequately shown that the methods he recommends will hit the goal.（举个反例会更好） For the person who snores, in view of the influence of snore, their weight-gaining caused not only by the arguer has mentioned but also other further factors the arguer hasn’t considered. Consequently, unless the arguer can demonstrate that the exact relation between weight-gaining and snore, the arguer’s recommend about this is unfounded.
     Moreover, even if all the assumments and evidences have adequate theoretic proofs, the recommendation can’t be extended from one single person to any person who snores, basing on the differences between every person.这段若作为强攻击的话字数就太少，论证也不充分，放在上一段后会比较好。
     In sum, the recommendation is not persuable as it stands. In order to make it reasonable, the author should provide more evidence on the veracity of the study and the relation of snore and weight-gaining. More detailed provided, more convincing it is.（学到了，这个不错）


总的来说，字数太少了，argu450比较理想，不过你的词汇是在是很赞！