Argument216【0806G-Sunbird小组】第5次作业

edith_sleepingUID: 2368536

第五次作业Argument216.The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.
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"Because of its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor prom5ises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."

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In the article about planning for retirement, the writer recommends that Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. To support this recommendation the writer cites the following facts about Clearview: (1) Clearview has natural beauty and consistent climate. (2) The housing costs and real estate taxes are low. (3) Clearview’s mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. (4) Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average. Close scrutiny of each these facts, however, reveals that none of them lend credible support to the recommendation.

First, the fact that Clearview has natural beauty and consistent climate accomplishes nothing toward bolstering the recommendation. I concede the fact indeed attracts many retirees, but only beauty and consistent climate are not enough for them. Perhaps the social service in Clearview has not been well developed. The road is too tough for cars to drive on and too hard for people to walk on; or perhaps the social safety is not well. The retirees cannot protect their life well from crimes. The writer falls to detail the information about Clearview on some important aspect, so it is hard to convince us of the recommendation.

Secondly, the low housing costs and real estate taxes indicates the possibility that the housing condition and real taxes are not well enough there. Sound things deserve sound price. And the writer falls to provide the reasons why the costs and taxes are low.  Without knowing the details about the house in Clearview, it is hard for us to believe the recommendation.

Thirdly, the mayor’s promises are little indication that it will be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to stay in Clearview. And it also reveals that there could be some shortcomings in schools, streets and public services. Perhaps, the number of schools there is too limited that the children of retirees cannot receive well education; or perhaps, the streets there are so narrow that there are often traffic jams; or perhaps public services there are just on the way and it will be rather inconvenient for retirees-mostly the old- to live. Without further details, it is hard for writers to support the recommendation.

Finally, even if the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average, the writer cannot assume that the health care there is good enough. Quantity indicates little quality. Maybe the authorities in Clearview employ lot physicians just for the purpose of showing the quantity, but ignoring the quality of them. Perhaps some of them are green handed without experiences. If so, the quantity of the physicians is helpless to the recommendation.  

In sum, the recommendation relies on certain doubtful assumptions that rend it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation the writer must provide clear evidence- perhaps the details about the public services, education, housing conditions and social stability.

[ 本帖最后由 edith_sleeping 于 2007-11-23 10:58 编辑 ]

zxxx2972UID: 2367399

In the article about planning for retirement, the writer recommends that Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. To support this recommendation the writer cites the following facts about Clearview: (1) Clearview has natural beauty and consistent climate. (2) The housing costs and real estate taxes are low. (3) Clearview’s mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. (4) Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average. Close scrutiny of each these facts, however, reveals that none of them lend credible support to the recommendation. (好长阿，感觉北美的第一篇是这样的写法！但还是尽量压缩一下，开头在Argu中不是很重要的，重要的是BODY的逻辑，而且写得太长会影响后面BODY的展开,毕竟时间是有限的。当然如果时间多，打字速度又贼快，这么写也是不错的)

First, the fact that Clearview has natural beauty and consistent climate accomplishes nothing toward bolstering the recommendation. I concede the fact indeed attracts many retirees, but only beauty and consistent climate are not enough for them. Perhaps the social service in Clearview has not been well developed. The road is too tough for cars to drive on and too hard for people to walk on; or perhaps the social safety is not well. The retirees cannot protect their life well from crimes. The writer falls to detail the information about Clearview on some important aspect, so it is hard to convince us of the recommendation.（呵呵，这一点批得不错）

Secondly, the low housing costs and real estate taxes indicates the possibility that the housing condition and real taxes are not well enough there. Sound things deserve sound price. And the writer falls to provide the reasons why the costs and taxes are low.  Without knowing the details about the house in Clearview, it is hard for us to believe the recommendation.（这里批得感觉不是很有说服力，太过于抽象了。而且房价的确是有地区差异的，有的地方房子就是又便宜又好，比如小城市，不像北京那么贵）

Thirdly, the mayor’s promises are little indication that it will be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to stay in Clearview. And it also reveals that there could be some shortcomings in schools, streets and public services. Perhaps, the number of schools there is too limited that the children of retirees cannot receive well education; or perhaps, the streets there are so narrow that there are often traffic jams; or perhaps public services there are just on the way and it will be rather inconvenient for retirees-mostly the old- to live. Without further details, it is hard for writers to support the recommendation.（这里对该镇的现状进行了假设批驳，几个假设的情况表达的不错。但其实还可以对市长的承诺本身进行批驳，比如承诺对退休群体根本没有好处或使承诺的兑现遥遥无期等等。这样会显得分析比较深入和切题）

Finally, even if the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average, the writer cannot assume that the health care there is good enough. Quantity indicates little quality. Maybe the authorities in Clearview employ lot physicians just for the purpose of showing the quantity, but ignoring the quality of them. Perhaps some of them are green handed without experiences. If so, the quantity of the physicians is helpless to the recommendation.  

In sum, the recommendation relies on certain doubtful assumptions that rend it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation the writer must provide clear evidence- perhaps the details about the public services, education, housing conditions and social stability.

主要的四个逻辑点都找到了，已经很仔细和认真了。语法和句子没有太大的问题。总体来说还是很不错的。