Argument147【0806G-Sunbird小组】第3次作业

hope~~UID: 2416007

Argument 147
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
words 430


This editorial in a business magazine concludes that despite the sales of whirlwind video games have declined in the past two years. To support this assertion the editorial cites the survey that players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics; along with the face that whirlwind has just produced several such games that direct at people 10 to 25 years old. Careful examination of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the applicant’s claim.


To begin with, the argument provided unclear evidence that the survey, asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game, was investigated by anybody in anyplace in any time that was mentioned. So the survey didn’t show that players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics. Lacking such evidence it is entirely possible that people don’t like lifelike graphics games at 10 to 25 years old.


Secondly, though video-game players realized that the sales trend of whirlwind will be reversed if video-game provide lifelike graphics, it don’t reveal that they will buy the games. Because there are some other characteristic in the video-game, such as types, stimulate, theme and so on. If the game only has technology and lacks of thinking, it doesn’t make sure that the video-game will be well-sale. And it don’t make mention of the technology, whether it liked by players is known.


Thirdly, if the games that provide lifelike graphics, they required the most up-to-date computers. But the survey only show about characteristic of good video games. It doesn’t give conclusion that lifelike graphics games must require the most up-to-date computers. Whether these new games’ players should have the most up-to-date computers. Unless they have the most up-to-date computers, whether the players may do computer up-to-date to play these new games.


Finally, even whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, it don’t display in the inquiry that 10 to 25 years old people prefer this video-game. It is entirely possible that even these video-game attract some people, now the economic depress or bazaar of video-game are not good.


In sum, the reach that relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation the author must provide better evidence that the most players prefer types of video-game, and would like to buy types of video-game. Such evidence might include the following: a clearly survey showing that significant number of video-game players like lifelike graphics games; and assurances from playersthat they would like to purchase.

[ 本帖最后由 hope~~ 于 2007-11-17 14:56 编辑 ]

Bellona0428UID: 2418798

先占着  我这篇没写呢

zxxx2972UID: 2367399

占座先，下午再贴修改

zxxx2972UID: 2367399

This editorial in a business magazine concludes that despite the sales of whirlwind video games have declined in the past two years. To support this assertion the editorial cites the survey that players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics; along with the face that whirlwind has just produced several such games that direct at people 10 to 25 years old. Careful examination of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the applicant’s claim.


To begin with, the argument provided unclear evidence that the survey, asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game, was investigated by anybody in anyplace in any time that was mentioned. （这里的句子写的很有问题，重新改下）So the survey didn’t show that players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics. Lacking such evidence it is entirely possible that people don’t like lifelike graphics games at 10 to 25 years old.


Secondly, though video-game players realized that the sales trend of whirlwind will be reversed if video-game provide lifelike graphics,（这里的意思很奇怪啊。游戏玩家关心这个游戏公司的销售趋势干嘛？既然你第一点驳斥调查无效，不支持人们喜欢生动画面的游戏。那么这里就该递进，说即使人们很喜欢这种游戏，也不能怎么怎么样啊） it don’t（does not） reveal that they will buy the games. Because there are some other characteristic in the video-game, such as types, stimulate, theme and so on. If the game only has technology and lacks of thinking, it doesn’t make sure that the video-game will be well-sale. And it （don’t make mention of）(没有见过这种用法)the technology, whether it（is） liked by players is known.（unknown）


Thirdly, (even)if the games that(不要that) provide lifelike graphics, they required the most up-to-date computers. But the survey only show about characteristic of good video games.（不是很明白意思） It doesn’t give conclusion that lifelike graphics games must require the most up-to-date computers. Whether these new games’ players should have the most up-to-date computers. Unless they have the most up-to-date computers, whether the players may do computer up-to-date to play these new games. （这里的很多句子要重写下，语法错误已经影响构句了，让别人很难看明白你想说什么）

Finally, even （though）whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, it don’t display in the inquiry that 10 to 25 years old people prefer this video-game. It is entirely possible that even these video-game attract some people, now the economic depress or bazaar of video-game are not good.


In sum, the reach that relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation the author must provide better evidence that the most players prefer types of video-game, and would like to buy types of video-game. Such evidence might include the following: a clearly survey showing that significant number of video-game players like lifelike graphics games; and assurances from playersthat they would like to purchase.

文章的主要逻辑错误找出了，做了退让假设，让文章形成一个整体。但是文章的语法错误太多了，影响到了意思的表达。是不是写的太匆忙了？建议最好再写一遍。
拍的狠了些，见谅。