Argument216【0806G-Sunbird小组】第五次作业

hope~~UID: 2416007

Argument216【0806G-Sunbird小组】第五次作业


TOPIC: ARGUMENT216 - The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.

"Because of its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."
WORDS: 407             DATE: 2007-11-24

In this article the magazine’s editor recommends the retired people to buy the real estate in Clearview. To support this recommendation the editor cites the following facts about Clearview: (1)its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate (2)its real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring town (3) Clearview’s mayor promises to improve schools, streets, and public service (4) it has many physicians. Close scrutiny of each of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lend credible support to the recommendation.

First, the real estate taxes remain lower do not necessarily indicate that the real estate price is low. Whether the standard of the real estate prices are low in the country. Though real estate taxes is lower in the Clearview than those in neighboring towns, perhaps the real estate prices in the Clearview higher than those in neighboring towns. Even if taxes and prices of Clearview’s real estate is low, this trend may continue in the foreseeable future; it is entirely possible that its prices and taxes will be increasing. If its prices and taxes are still in low level, it may be economic depression. If its economy is bad, it may be bring residents some inconvenient such as poor transport facilities, difficult draw retirement pay from bank. In short, without ruling out other possible reasons for low real estate taxes, the editor cannot convince me on the basis of them that retired people would like to buy the real estate in Clearview.

Secondly, the Clearview’s mayor promised many new programs, such as schools, streets, and public service, will be carried out when it will begin. Theirs recent condition may be very worst, it doesn’t have greater change after these new programs are impressed. If these new programs are impressed, it may be not bring many benefits for the older people that they are not absorbed.

Finally, though Clearview has spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, it may be harm for the older man’s health; even though Clearview has many physicians, it doesn’t represent highly medical level.
In sum, the argument is logically flawed and there fore unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation the author must provide better evidence that older man like the living condition, and would like to buy the real estate in Clearview. Such evidence might include the following: a clearly survey showing that older man like condition of living; and assurances from older man that they would like to purchase
写的有点仓促!麻烦你们改了!


[ 本帖最后由 hope~~ 于 2007-11-25 15:29 编辑 ]

Bellona0428UID: 2418798

In this article the magazine's editor recommends the retired people to buy the real estate in Clearview. To support this recommendation the editor cites the following facts about Clearview: (1)its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate; (2)its real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns; (3) Clearview's mayor promises to improve schools, streets, and public service; (4) it has many physicians. Close scrutiny of each of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lend credible support to the recommendation.[本段写得挺好]

First, the real estate taxes remain lower do not necessarily indicate that the real estate price is low. Whether the standard of the real estate
prices are low in the country. Though real estate taxes is lower in the Clearview than those in neighboring towns, perhaps the real estate prices in the Clearview [are] higher than those in neighboring towns. Even if taxes and prices of Clearview’s real estate is low, this trend may not
continue in the foreseeable future; it is entirely possible that its prices and taxes will be increasing. If its prices and taxes are still in low level,
it may be economic depression. If its economy is bad, it may be bring residents some inconvenient such as poor transport facilities, difficult
draw retirement pay from bank. In short, without ruling out other possible reasons for low real estate taxes, the editor cannot convince me on
the basis of them that retired people would like to buy the real estate in Clearview.

Secondly, the Clearview's mayor promised many new programs, such as schools, streets, and public service, will be carried out when it will
begin. (表述不明) Perhaps, their recent condition [改成their public service at present] may be very worst, it doesn’t have greater change
after these new programs are impressed[改成put into practice]. If these new programs are impressed, it may be not bring many benefits for the older[older改为elder] people that they are not absorbed.[不太明白,写得不明了，应在具体一些。]

Finally, though Clearview has spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, it may be harm for the older[elder] man’s health[这句比较牵强]; even though Clearview has many physicians, it doesn’t represent a high medical level.

In sum, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation the author must provide better evidence that older man like the living condition, and would like to buy the real estate in Clearview. Such evidence might include the following: a clearly survey showing that older man like condition of living; and assurances from older man that they would like to purchase[这段的建议，有些重复了，like condition of living 应表达的再清晰些]

总体感觉逻辑较清晰，但有的表述没有写完整呢，结尾段2，3句有重复的地方
请考虑 ：在写第一点有可能房价贵时，可以考虑一下老年人的购买能力
第二点上，考虑一下老年人需要什么样的公共服务：elderly nursing house, elderly cultural club etc.
第三点上：是不是应该指出内科医生多，并不意味着老年病专家或护理人员多.

有不同意见 或改的不正确处，咱多交流噢~