Argument3【0806G-Sunbird小组】第6次作业 by 冰棍

wode56585759UID: 2305566

In this argument the author concern that the number of law school graduates who went to work for large companies declined by 15 percent over the last three years. He makes a statement that the corporate firms of Megalopolis will need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours they must work according to the survey. Several flows were made in this argument.

First, the number of law school graduates in Megalopolis who went to work for large, corporate firms declined by 15 percent over the last three years, whereas an increasing number of graduates took jobs at small, general practice firms. Perhaps the total number of the law school graduates in Megalopolis reduces in the last three years, Maybe the number of large corporate firms of Megalopolis declined in the last three because of the combination of several large corporate firms, or the corporate firms raise the quality requirement level of the graduates as they demanding the graduates more than two years work experiment, which turn the graduates to the small corporate firms to gain enough experiment to enter the large ones.

Second, the survey of first-year students at a leading law school, most agreed with the statement that earning a high salary was less important to them than job satisfaction. The survey made of first-year students cannot representative the graduates for the freshmen have more idealistic dream more than realistic experiment. The freshmen do not know which factors should be considered when it comes to job hunting.

Furthermore the survey is take in a leading law school in this area may the top school students have a tradition to work at the small corporation which run by the elder graduates in this school, or they have the passion to build their own firms to start an enterprise.

Moreover, what is the exact definition of job satisfaction? Certainly in the small firm the law students will have low pressure due to the less mount of work cases, while that means few opportunities to be trained which has less help with the students’ professional career than that in the large corporate firms. However in the large ones graduates may meet the big tasks can bring them into a new level of work skill make bigger job satisfaction than loose agenda.             

In final, the arguer absolute judgment that the large corporate firms of Megalopolis need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours they must work. In the above sentence the author declares that the large firms usually offer much higher salaries which mean the benefit in some aspect. Considering the great work intensity in large ones, it is not reasonable to reduce the number of hours they must work.  

alicia0530UID: 2152226

In this argument, the author concerns that the number of law school graduates who went to work for large companies declined by 15 percent over the last three years. He makes a statement that the corporate firms of Megalopolis will need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours they must work according to the survey. Several flows (flaws) were made in this argument.(这里如果是想综述一下作者陈述内容的话，感觉是不是也应该稍微提一下提到有关牛校一年级学生态度的例证呢？)

First, the number of law school graduates in Megalopolis who went to work for large, corporate firms declined by 15 percent over the last three years,（感觉似乎这里用分号更好些？）whereas an increasing number of graduates took jobs at small, general practice firms. Perhaps the total number of the law school graduates in Megalopolis reduces（这里是不是用完成时或者过去时好些呢？） in the last three years,（句号哈。。。） Maybe the number of large corporate firms of Megalopolis declined in the last three because of the combination of several large corporate firms, or the corporate firms raise（过去时会不会好些呢？） the quality requirement level of the graduates as theydemanding the graduates（as demanded） more than two years work experiment, which turn the graduates to the small corporate firms to gain enough experiment to enter the large ones.(for better preparations of further self-fulfillment.)

Second(还是secondly呢？), the survey of first-year students at a leading law school, most agreed with(agree的主语应该是first-year students，不是survey吧)the statement that earning a high salary was（觉得用is更好呃） less important to them than job satisfaction. The survey made of first-year students cannot representative（represent） the (perspectives of)graduates for the freshmen have more idealistic dream more than realistic experiment. The freshmen do not know which factors should be considered when it comes to job hunting.

Furthermore the survey is taken in a leading law school in this area may the top school students have a tradition to work at the small corporation which run by the elder graduates in this school(这句话呢首先好像有点杂糅，最好能拆成两个句子吧，其次觉得时态还是改一下的比较好，比如说the survey was taken...,或许可以考虑搞成从句的样子？), or they might have the passion to build their own firms to start an enterprise.

Moreover, what is the exact definition of job satisfaction? Certainly in the small firm the law students will have low(less) pressure due to the less mount(amount) of work cases, while thatmeans few opportunities to be trained which has less help with the students’ professional career than that in the large corporate firms.(感觉这句还是能拆的段点比较的好些。。呵呵) However in the large ones graduates may meet the big tasks can bring them into a new level of work skill make bigger job satisfaction than loose agenda.  （还是老问题哦，或许可以常识换个说法呢？However, large corporations may offer the graduates with more challenging opportunities, which would be more likely to satisfy the ones than the small firms do.）

In final, the arguer absolute judgment(这里应该是谓语动词哦。。呵呵。。是不是打错了呢)that the large corporate firms of Megalopolis need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours they must work. In the above sentence the author declares that the large firms usually offer much higher salaries which mean the benefit in some aspect（呃，这句没看懂，什么意思呢？）. Considering the great work intensity in large ones, it is not reasonable to reduce the number of hours they must work.  

Summary: 总体上还不错哦，呵呵。错误基本上都挑出来了。就是可以考虑注意一下语法和语言表达，呃，这么说你，其实我也不好意思，我的aw也是这样子，还不如你呢。。呵呵。。anyway,大家一起努力哈，互相帮助呃。
Ps：看样子你应该是计时写的吧？最后结尾有点仓促的说呃。我现在还没开始计时呢。要是能有时间，把结尾再润色一下就更好啦。。。^_^

昏了，本来在word里面改的好好的，怎么copy过来就成这个样子了呢？~~~昏呃昏呃。。。。凑活着看啦。。呵呵。。实在不行就看附件啦。。我把附件一起传上来哈。。。^_^

PPS:有时间的话，也帮我看看提提意见哦。。。谢谢咯

[ 本帖最后由 alicia0530 于 2007-12-1 16:59 编辑 ]

wode56585759UID: 2305566

In this argument, the author concerns that the number of law school graduates who went to work for large companies declined by 15 percent over the last three years. He makes a statement that the corporate firms of Megalopolis will need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours they must work according to the survey. Several flaws were made in this argument.

.

First, the number of law school graduates in Megalopolis who went to work for large, corporate firms declined by 15 percent over the last three years; whereas an increasing number of graduates took jobs at small, general practice firms. Perhaps the total number of the law school graduates in Megalopolis has reducedin the last three years.Maybe the number of large corporate firms of Megalopolis declined in the last three because of the combination of several large corporate firms, or the corporate firms raisedthe quality requirement level of the graduates as demandedmore than two years work experiment, which turn the graduates to the small corporate firms to gain enough experiment for better preparations of further self-fulfillment.

.

Secondly, the survey of first-year students at a leading law school shows that most of the first-year students agreed with the statement that earning a high salary is less important to them than job satisfaction. The survey made of first-year students cannot representthe perspectives of graduates for the freshmen have more idealistic dream more than realistic experiment. The freshmen do not know which factors should be considered when it comes to job hunting.

.

Furthermore the survey was taken in a leading law school in this area. Maybe the top school students have a tradition to work at the small corporations which run by the elder graduates in their school or they might have the passion to build their own firms to start an enterprise.

.

Moreover, what is the exact definition of job satisfaction? Certainly in the small firm the law students will have less pressure due to the less amount of work cases, while that means few opportunities to be trained which has less help with the students’ professional career than that in the large corporate firms. However, large corporations may offer the graduates with more challenging opportunities, which would be more likely to satisfy the ones than the small firms do.

.

In final, the arguer absolute judged that the large corporate firms of Megalopolis need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives, and reduce the number of hours they must work. In the argument the author declares that the large firms usually offer higher salaries which make up part of the benefit, at this the arguer  Considering the great work intensity in large ones, it is not reasonable to reduce the number of hours they must work.