argument67 Spring-第七次作业

林周孟UID: 2341714

    Argument67   The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a newspaper serving the villages of Castorville and Polluxton.

    "Both the villages of Castorville and Polluxton have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. To save money and improve service, the two villages recently merged their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in Castorville, and the new department has reported few complaints about its service. Last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. It follows that we should now further economize and improve service, as we did with garbage collection, by closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in Castorville to serve both villages."


    Word: 598    Time:80min    Date: 2007-12-8

    In this letter, the author recommend close the library in Polluxton and use the library in Castorville to serve both villages,by which they can further economize and improve service of library, as they did with garbage collection.To support this recommendation,the author points out that last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year.Besides,the author cites that the two villages have succeeded in saving money and improving service by merging their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in castoorville, and the new department has reported few complaints about its service.Through careful scrutiny, the argument flaws in several critical respects.

    In the first place,the author unfairly assumes that they can further economize and improve service of library by following the coalition of garbage collection departments.However,the author provides no evidence to support this assumption.Firstly,whether the the coalition of garbage collection departments can save money and improve service is still a problem.The evidence that the new department has reported few complaints about its service can not sufficiently substantiate that there indeed exists few complaints.Perhaps all the residents of the two villages totally unsatisfy with the service of the garbage collection department due to the coalition,however,the new department do not report the fact for the sake that they are afraid of being scolded , even being punished.Secondly,given that the coalition of garbage collection departments do save money and improve service.Nevertheless,there are many differences between garbage collection department and the library,such as the nature of work,the consumers both served,and so forth.It is entirely possible that the garbage collection department can benefit a lot from the coalition while the coalition may do harm for the library due to the difference between each other.

    In the second place,the author assumes that they can save money and improve service by merging the two libraries without justification.As a matter of fact ,if the new library locate in Castorville in the end ,then the residents in Polluxton may have to walk a long way to the new library ,which might waste a lot of time,and even it is possible that they have to take a bus to the new library due to the rather long way .All the possibilities ,if true, would serve to determine the author’s assumption.

    In the third place,the author suggest the new library should locate in Castorville,not in Polluxton,without sufficient evidence.Although the author points out that last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year,it is quite possible that the number of residents who usually go to library in Polluxton is much more than that of in Castorville,and the 80% of the former is still rather more than the latter.Moreover,the author fair to analyze the conditions of transportion and location of the two libraries.Perhaps the condition of transportation of the library in Polluxton in more convenient than that in Castorville, and the library in Castorville locate in the middle of the two village,while the library in Castorville is on the opposite way to the village Polluxton.All of the scenario ,if true ,functions to determine the  author’s assumption.

    To sum up ,the author’s recommendation is unconvincing as it stands.To support it ,the author need provide a detailed survey about the number of residents who usually go to library of respective villages and the conditions of transportation and location of both libraries.To better assess the recommendation,the author still need to offer a justification to substantiate that the majority of conditions of the libraries and the garbage collection departments,thus the library can follow the coalition of the garbage collection departments.

fullyawareUID: 2352923

In this letter, the author recommend（应为recommends） close the library in Polluxton and use the library in Castorville to serve both villages, by which they can further economize and improve service of library, as they (这个they和前面的they表示的主语不是一个吧)did with garbage collection. To support this recommendation, the author points out that last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. Besides, the author cites that the two villages have succeeded in saving money and improving service by merging their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in castoorville(应为Castorville), and the new department has reported few complaints about its service(and后面的部分放在这个句子里面有点累赘). Through careful scrutiny, the argument flaws in several critical respects.
    In the first place, the author unfairly assumes that they can further economize and improve service of library by following the coalition（coalition用的真好） of garbage collection departments. However, the author provides no evidence to support this assumption. Firstly, whether the the（这个the重复了） coalition of garbage collection departments can save money and improve service is still a problem. The evidence that the new department has reported few complaints about its service cannot sufficiently substantiate that there indeed exists few complaints. Perhaps all the residents of the two villages totally unsatisfy（应为are unsatisfied） with the service of the garbage collection department due to the coalition（用多了coalition也该换换merge了吧）, however, the new department do not report the fact for the sake that they are afraid of being scolded , even being punished（punished用在这里怪怪的,另外,我觉得这个句子改写成it is entirely possible that可能会好一点,现在这样子句子太长了）.Secondly(既然只有两点,不如用on one hand, on the other hand), given that(我觉得这里应该用supposed that ) the coalition of garbage collection departments do save money and improve service. Nevertheless(nevertheless不是这样用的,而且在这里把上一句分开也有一点奇怪),there are many differences(我倾向于用unlike) between garbage collection department and the library, such as the nature of work, the consumers both served, and so forth. It is entirely possible that the garbage collection department can benefit a lot from the coalition while the coalition(个人倾向于使用the same action避免重复) may do harm for the library due to the difference between each other.( due to后面的可以去掉)

    In the second place, the author assumes that they(主语不当) can(加个both吧) save money and improve service by merging the two libraries without justification. As a matter of fact ,if the new library locate in Castorville in the end, then the residents in Polluxton may have to walk a long way to the new library, which might waste a lot of time, and even it is possible(语序:it is even possible ) that they have to take a bus to the new library due to the rather long way(用了这么多due to 了,换下because of吧 ) .All the possibilities, if true, would serve to determine the author’s assumption.(这段有点单薄了)

    In the third place, the author suggest the new library should locate in Castorville, not in Polluxton, without sufficient evidence. Although the author points out that last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year, it is quite possible that the number of residents who usually go to library in Polluxton is much more than that of in Castorville ,and the 80% of the former is still rather (建议去掉rather) more than the latter .Moreover, the author fair(应该是fail吧) to analyze the conditions of transportion(应为transportation) and location of the two libraries. Perhaps the condition of transportation of the library in Polluxton in more convenient than that in Castorville, and the library in Castorville locate in the middle of the two village, while the library in Castorville is on the opposite way to the village(去掉the village) Polluxton. All of the scenario, if true ,functions to determine the  author’s assumption.

    To sum up, the author’s recommendation is unconvincing as it stands. To support it, the author need provide a detailed survey about the number of residents who usually go to library of respective villages and the conditions of transportation and location of both libraries. To better assess the recommendation, the author still need to offer a justification to substantiate that the majority of conditions of the libraries and the garbage collection departments, thus the library can follow the coalition(前面既然已经用了follow,这里就不妨用下example) of the garbage collection departments.
1 标点的问题:一般来说,是先逗号再空格的(这个我也是刚知道)
2 思路的话,主体的2,3点有重叠的地方
3有的词用的真好,我很喜欢~

[ 本帖最后由 fullyaware 于 2007-12-11 20:22 编辑 ]