argument153 [aero小组]第一次作业 by liuyingbnu

liuyingbnuUID: 2321970

The editorial presents a recommendation that television programs relevant to violence should be reduced during prime time. To support this proposal he cites the following evidence. Firstly the increase of teenage crimes parallel that of violence shown on television since 1950's. Secondly he provides a national survey that claims it is due to the violent scenes that children who watch them tend to display more violent behaviors. Furthermore, a survey among parents is lent credence to this recommendation according to the author. Temping as such proposal might be, close scrutiny of these facts, however, reveals that it suffers from logic frustration and contains a series of unsubstantiated evidence, and therefore is somewhat unconvincing.

First, the author ascribes the enhancement of television involving violence sceneries to the boost of teenage crime, for he fails to rule out other factors that are responsible for such phenomenon. And since a long time has passed away, various factors can influent the rate of teenager crimes. Supposing that the rate of divorce in Alta increased sharply in the very period, in this case numerous teenagers would suffer from lacking care from parents and they may witness violence scenes in their real life but not in the TV program. They incline to committing a crime when they are involved in such a family. Again, assuming the moral education in this area is undermined in this period, and teenagers who fail to acquire the accurate conception of right and wrong tend to commit a crime.

Secondly, the national studies fail to convince me about the author's reasoning, for he falsely equals the violent behavior to the crime. As is known to all, teenagers who have violent behaviors don't feel obliged to commit a crime. We may draw a picture that a child often beat, or even bite his doll when he was furious, which can be viewed as violent behaviors, however, he should not be doomed to commit crimes.

Thirdly, the survey among parents lacks of specific details and therefore seems to be ill-informative. If it presents the number of the participants chosen randomly, I will be more confident about the result of the survey.

Furthermore, the survey indicates the assumption that during 7 p.m. and 9 p.m., there should a great opportunity that children are occupied with programs showing violence. However, the students are probably busy with their homework or playing games on internet instead.

In sum, to justify his recommendation the author should give me clearer evidence that no other factors, except the increase of violent program, give rise to the increase of crime rate among teenagers. In addition, he should point out the violent behaviors lead to crime of necessity and the surveys should be informative. Otherwise, I may keep doubts on this proposal.
第一次写，虚心求教，欢迎大家多拍

[ 本帖最后由 liuyingbnu 于 2007-12-13 12:08 编辑 ]

GoldenStrikeUID: 2437012

Theeditorial presents a recommendation

that television programs relevantto

violence should be reduced during

prime time. To support thisproposal

he cites the following evidence. Firstly

the increase ofteenage crimes

parallel that of violence shown

on television since1950's. Secondly

he provides a national survey that

claims it is due tothe violent                 I'm not sure about this sentence.

scenes that children who watch

them tend to display moreviolent

behaviors. Furthermore, a survey

among parents is lent credenceto

this recommendation according to

the author. Temping(?) as suchproposal

might be, close scrutiny of these facts,

however, reveals thatit suffers from

logic frustration and contains a series

ofunsubstantiated evidence, and therefore

is somewhat unconvincing.

First,the author ascribes the enhancement

of television involving violencesceneries

to the boost of teenage crime, for he

fails to rule out otherfactors that are

responsible for such <a?> phenomenon.   Add "a"

And since a long timehas passed away,    Oh my Goddess, time has passed away...

various factors can influent the rate of

teenagercrimes. Supposing that the

rate of divorce in Alta increased sharply

inthe very period, in this case numerous    "this" is enough. "In this case" Should be deleted

teenagers would suffer fromlacking

care from parents and they may witness

violence scenes in theirreal life but             Use "instead of" instead.

not in the TV program. They <would> incline  add "would"

to committing a crimewhen they

are involved in such a family.

Again, assuming the moraleducation        Oh my Goddess again...

in this area is undermined in this

period, and teenagers whofail to

acquire the accurate conception of             You mean to acquire the proper ideology?

right and wrong tend tocommit a crime.

Secondly,the national studies fail to

convince me about the author's

reasoning,for he falsely equals
the violent behavior to the crime.

As is known toall, teenagers who               I'm wondering how you feel others would think teenagers

have violent behaviors don't feel                 would "obliged" to commit a crime...

obliged to commita crime. We may

draw a picture that a child often beat,

or even bitehis doll when he was furious,

which can be viewed as violent behaviors,

however, he should not be doomed             Oh my Goddess three...

to commit crimes.

Thirdly,the survey among parents

lacks of specific details and therefore

seemsto be ill-informative. If it presents

the number of the participantschosen

randomly, I will be more confident              Hey, why you'll feel confidence about other's result?

about the result of thesurvey.                    (Use "sure" "certain" or others.)

Furthermore,the survey indicates

the assumption that during 7 p.m. and 9 p.m.,

there should a great opportunity that

children are occupied withprograms           I'm not clear about your idea.

showing violence. However, the students

are probably busy withtheir

homework or

playing games on internet instead.               Hey that's only your personal interest...(Use "surf on internet"

                                                                                                   is enough. Yours too specific.)

Insum, to justify his recommendation
the author should give me clearer
evidence that no other factors,
except the increase of violent program,
give rise to the increase of crime rate
among teenagers.
In addition,he should point out
the violent behaviors lead to crime              I'm wondering what's "crime of necessity". You mean
of necessityand the surveys should                 "necessary lead to"?
be informative. Otherwise,
I may keep doubts onthis proposal.

houyanchunUID: 2432949

argument153 [aero小组]第一次作业 by liuyingbnu


The editorial presents a recommendation that television programs relevant to violence should be reduced during prime time. To support this proposal he cites the following evidence. Firstly the increase of teenage crimes parallel that of violence shown on television since 1950's. Secondly he provides a national survey that claims it is due to the violent scenes that children who watch them （from television） tend to display more violent behaviors. Furthermore, a survey among parents is lent credence to this recommendation according to the author. Temping as such proposal might be, close scrutiny of these facts, however, reveals that it suffers from logic frustration and contains a series of unsubstantiated evidence, and therefore is somewhat unconvincing.

First, the author ascribes the enhancement of television involving violence sceneries (scenes) to the boost of teenage crime, for he fails to rule out other factors that are responsible for such phenomenon. And since a long time has passed away, various factors can influent the rate of teenager crimes. Supposing that the rate of divorce in Alta increased sharply in the very period, in this case numerous teenagers would suffer from lacking care from parents and they may witness violence scenes in their real life but not in the TV program. They incline to committing a crime when they are involved in such a family. Again, assuming the moral education in this area is undermined in this period, and teenagers who fail to acquire the accurate conception of right and wrong tend to commit a crime.

Secondly, the national studies fail to convince me about the author's reasoning, for he falsely equals the violent behavior to the crime. As is known to all, teenagers who have violent behaviors don't feel obliged to commit a crime. We may draw a picture that a child often beat, or even bite his doll when he was furious, which can be viewed as violent behaviors, however, he should not be doomed to commit crimes.

Thirdly, the survey among parents lacks of specific details and therefore seems to be ill-informative. If it presents the number of the participants chosen randomly, I will be more confident about the result of the survey.

Furthermore, the survey indicates the assumption that during 7 p.m. and 9 p.m., there should a great opportunity that children are occupied with programs showing violence. However, the students are probably busy with their homework or playing games on internet instead.

In sum, to justify his recommendation the author should give me clearer evidence that no other factors, except the increase of violent program, give rise to the increase of crime rate among teenagers. In addition, he should point out the violent behaviors lead to crime of necessity and the surveys should be informative. Otherwise, I may keep doubts on this proposal.
很好的，呵呵，加油。思路清楚，攻击准确。括号里是我的意见 呵呵 供参考呀