argument48 第一次发作文 恳请大家猛拍 谢谢谢谢（有拍必回哦）

sophielixinUID: 2386425

48The following appeared in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora.

"Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does."



In this argument, the author concludes that, rather than the preoccupied computer using, it is the decline of economy that contributes to the decreasing physical fitness level of the citizens in Corpora. It may sound reasonable at the first glance， however, when taken into deliberate thought, it still has several flaws.

The major problem of the argument is that the author has not shown any correlation, let alone a cause-and-effect relationship, between the recent decline in the economy and the low expenditures on fitness-related products and services. And it is not convincing to me that expenses of fitness relevant product will increase with the development of economy. For example, if the citizens in Corpora don't express much concern with health or the effects or quality of the products and services there is so poor that they find it a waste of money to buy them, as a result, they are not supposed to use these products to promote their health conditions in spite of they have surplus money in hand.

What's more, even assuming that the growth of economy will lead to a large increase in the money that people spend on fitness-related products, it is nevertheless unreasonable to infer the author's broader notion that the citizens will be much healthier as long as they spend more money on the fitness relevant products. As we all known, using fitness-related products is not the only way to keep fit. The view is widely held that having normal sports as well as nutrition-balanced diet every day is also conducive to an excellent physical quality.

In addition, the argument depends on the assumption that the highest levels of computer ownership are representative of the preoccupied using of computers, which is doubtful. For one thing, it is hard to evaluate whether the fitness levels are positive relevant to the computer ownership rate due to the absence of sufficient statistics about the fitness level in Corpora at present when one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit, maybe even the highest fitness level in Corpora is still lower than the average level of the country so that who have the national average level can be the highest in Corpara. For anther thing, it is illegitimate to equate owning a computer and spending long time on it. And the arguer still ignores to refer the exercises of local people, their diet and so on, perhaps residents in that region of Corpora adopt a much healthier life style than the majority of people, therefore, they are always keeping a nice health state with more time spending on computers. Since there are so many factors which will influence the people's health, without excluding other factors, it can not be justified to me that spending much time on computers has nothing to do with the decline of fitness level.

In summary, this argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To make it well-reasoned, the arguer should evaluate more other elements which are related to the physical fitness, additionally, he should also make a further investigation concerning the relationship between the physical fitness and using computer as well.

[ 本帖最后由 sophielixin 于 2007-12-22 03:08 编辑 ]

sophielixinUID: 2386425

kenjxmUID: 2419716

写的有模有样了，个人觉得还是不要过于拘泥于格式和套路，感觉不像是自己在说话。尤其是开头，大家都被别人的模式套住了，比较乏味，所以尽量从套路里走出来，形成自己的风格吧。
语言功底不错了，如果不是边写边查参考书的话，可见你花了不少功夫了。

sophielixinUID: 2386425

谢谢啊~难得有人来看看，别人总是说我写的长句子过于多了，会不会啊？
是参考了一些模板，因为是第一篇实在模板的帮助下在两个小时完成的。。汗~
还有就是有一个问题：
一般argu每段的结尾有没有必要总结一下呢？