ARGUMENT8【Aero小组】第5次作业

lovemxfUID: 2335206

Argument 8
The following appeared in a memorandum issued by the strategic planning department at Omni Inc.
'Mesa Foods, a manufacturer of snack foods that currently markets its products within a relatively small region of the country, has strong growth potential. Mesa enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year, and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales over each of the past three years. Since Omni Inc. is interested in reaching 14-to-25 year olds, the age group that consumes the most snack food, we should buy Mesa Foods, and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country.'
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The arguer concludes that Omni Inc. should buy Mesa Foods (MF) and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa (DS) throughout the country. To support it, the arguer provides evidence that within a small region of the country MF’s profit increased by 20 percent last year because its famous product, DS, has had increased sales over the past three years. Besides, the arguer's company concentrates on 14-25 years olds consumers who are most like snack food. However, the argument is unwarranted for insufficient evidence and problematic assumption.

Firstly, the arguer fails to convince us that MF's products such as DS will surely be popular throughout the whole country. The food may specially supply for the small region, so it is possible that customers in other regions do not like its tastes. And it also possible that other companies' snack food are already popular in other regions. For this matter, the product of MF could not popular in the whole country. Without providing such evidence, the arguer could not draw the conclusion that MF's products will surely accepted by the whole country and buy MF will bring profit to them.

Secondly, there is insufficient evidence to prove that MF will gain profit next year. The arguer only provides the evidence that it gained profit last year with 3 years best-selling of DS. It is possible that the food's cost is so high that MF earned profit last year after 3 years best-selling. It is also possible that they will loss next year. Without providing the cost and revenue, the arguer fails to convince us that it will surely gain profit after buying.

Finally, the arguer provides no evidence that 14 to 25 years old customers would surely buy MF's products and the number of 14-25 years old customers are representative for the general customers who buy snack fast food. It is because that we do not know MF's product whether is preferred by 14-25 years old customers. It is possible that MF provides the food for other groups rather than 14-25 years old people. Without giving evidence to prove it, which it could hardly support recommendation.

To sum up, the recommendation is unpersuasive for ill-logic assumption and little evidence. To strengthen it, the arguer should provide more evidence to prove that MF's product will popular throughout the whole country, 14-25 years old people will like to buy its food, and it will certainly profit after buying.

m2zhyUID: 2440721

The arguer concludes that Omni Inc. should buy Mesa Foods (MF) and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa (DS) throughout the country. To support it, the arguer provides evidence that within a small region of the country MF’s profit increased by 20 percent last year because its famous product, DS, has had increased sales over the past three years. Besides, the arguer's company concentrates on 14-25 years olds consumers who are most like snack food. However, the argument is unwarranted for insufficient evidence and problematic assumption.

Firstly, the arguer fails to convince us that MF's products such as(换成including，感觉更恰当些) DS will surely be popular throughout the whole country. The food may specially supply(换成be supplied，此处用主动语态合适吗？是不是应该用被动语态呢？) for the small region, so it is possible that customers in other regions do not like its tastes. And it also possible that other companies' snack food are already popular in other regions. For this matter, the product of MF could not popular in the whole country. Without providing such evidence, the arguer could not draw the conclusion that MF's products will surely accepted by the whole country and buy(buying) MF will bring profit to them. (这段的论证很不错，赞个！)

Secondly, there is insufficient evidence to prove that MF will gain profit next year. The arguer only provides the evidence that it gained profit last year with 3 years best-selling of DS. It is possible that the food's cost is so high that MF earned profit last year after 3 years best-selling. It is also possible that they will loss next year. Without providing the cost and revenue, the arguer fails to convince us that it will surely gain profit after buying. (想比之下，这段的论证力度感觉弱了些。)

Finally, the arguer provides no evidence that 14 to 25 years old customers would surely buy MF's products and the number of 14-25 years old customers are representative for the general customers who buy snack fast food. It is because that we do not know MF's product whether is preferred by 14-25 years old customers. It is possible that MF provides the food for other groups rather than 14-25 years old people. Without giving evidence to prove it, which(这里用先行词？引导什么呢？直接去掉吧) it could hardly support (the) recommendation.(这段的首句提出两个质疑点，但在段落中只论述了第一个疑点，没有论述第二个疑点。)

To sum up, the recommendation is unpersuasive for ill-logic assumption and little evidence. To strengthen it, the arguer should provide more evidence to prove that MF's product will popular throughout the whole country, (and) 14-25 years old people will like to buy its food, and it will certainly profit after buying. (结尾的这句prove that后面的宾语部分，貌似用了排比句式，但好像英文里面是不讲究排比句式的。)

    总评：文章找到的三个攻击点很好，攻击的也比较有力度。我觉得文章最大的优点在于每个驳论段的段首句都很明确的提出了论者的观点，可谓是直入主题，一针见血。
    语言方面：通篇行文比较流畅，感觉读起来很顺畅。只是最后一个排比句用的欠妥当。我仔细想了想，没想出来建议方案。自愧一下！
    精彩句子：文章里对于模板式的语句写的很好，其他方面的语句虽然很流畅，但在用词上感觉还是欠缺丰富，建议楼主在这方面多注意下。所以，没有挑出闪光句。
    不过，整体很不错啊，继续加油哈~






[ 本帖最后由 m2zhy 于 2008-1-12 16:02 编辑 ]