ARGUMENT65\0806-AW\小组

liuchun1987UID: 2398171

In this memo,the president of a chain of cheese stores concludes that it is the best way to improve profits in all their stores to discontinue stocking many imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses.To support this conclusion,the president shows that the best-selling cheeses at the newest store are domestic cheddar cheeses from wisconsin last year.At the same time the president also cites a survey by cheese of the world magazine,which indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers.however, I found the support of the president is flawed in some aspects.
Firstly,the fact that the best-selling  cheeses at the newest store last year  were domestic cheddar cheeses do not necessarily indicate that domestic cheeses sell  well in any stores all the time.The situation of the cheese selling is limited in a newest store.Considering diverse taste of different areas,the popularity of domestic cheese in the newest store could not equal that imported cheeses is not popularity other parts of the nation.Parhaps,generaly speaking,the imported cheeses sell better than domestic ones but it is opposite in the store which the president cites.
Even if the domestic cheeses is favored by many customers throughout the nation ,it is only the last year that the president conclude that the domestic cheeses sell well.Mybe it is the first time that the domestic cheeses sell better than imported ones,while the imported cheeses was more popular in the passed years.If the best-selling cheeses are always the domestic ones,I want to ask why all the stores in their chain still stocked a wide variety of imported cheeses?
Secondly,the survey by cheeses of the world magazine is little indication that   more preference for domestic cheeses .Although the magazine's subscribers
pay more attention to the domestic cheeses,the subscribers is perhaps only a small part of all customers who purchase cheeses.Lacking the details of cheeses of the world magazine ,such as the coverage of the magazine or the popularity of it,it is difficult to conclude that the increasing preference for domestic cheeses occur among most customers,espaciely for such the large cheeses stores located throughout the United States.As a result,the survey could not serve as a evidence to support that the domestic cheeses is more favored than imported and the suggestion to discontinue stocking varieties of imported cheeses seems useless.
Thirdly,even if the domestic cheeses sell better all the time throughout the country,the suggestion of limiting the inventory of imported cheeses accomplishes nothing toward improving profits.Since the expenses on stocking imported cheeses spend on stocking domestic cheeses after the suggestion bring into effect, the profits of the company may remain,or increase a little.So rather than stopping stocking imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses,obviously,the best way to improve profits is to low the cost of transportation or provide popular advertisement to customers purchasing cheeses and so on.
To sum up,the recommendation relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands.To bolster the recommendation better,the president must provide sufficient evidence and convictive survey to  justify that the domestic cheeses sell better than imported cheeses all the time throughout the country.At the same time,a more appropriate manner to imrpove profits is required.

Northeast-WindUID: 2408896

In this memo, the president of a chain of cheese stores concludes that it is the best way to improve profits in all their stores to discontinue stocking many imported cheese(+s) and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. To support this conclusion, the president shows that the best-selling cheeses at the newest store are domestic cheddar cheeses from wsconsin(Wiscon-) last year last year. At the same time the president also cites a survey by cheese of the world magazine, which indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. however(How-), I found the support(s) of the president is(are) flawed in some aspects.

Firstly, the fact that the best-selling  cheeses at the newest store last year  were domestic cheddar cheeses do(does) not necessarily indicate that domestic cheeses sell  well in any stores all the time. The situation of the cheese selling is limited in a newest store. Considering diverse taste of different areas, the popularity of domestic cheese in the newest store could not equal that imported cheeses is(are) not popularity other parts of the nation(好像有语法错误). Parhaps（Per-）, generaly（-lly） speaking, the imported cheeses sell better than domestic ones but it is opposite in the store which the president cites(这句话是想要表达什么？好像有马虎).Even if the domestic cheeses is（are） favored by many customers throughout the nation, it is only(要不要加介词) the last year that the president conclude(s) that the domestic cheeses sell well. Mybe(Maybe) it is the first time that the domestic cheeses sell better than imported ones, while the imported cheeses was more popular in the passed years. If the best-selling cheeses are always the domestic ones, I want to ask why all the stores in their chain still stocked a wide variety of imported cheeses?(应该是句号)

Secondly, the survey by cheeses of the world magazine is little indication that more preference for domestic cheeses .Although the magazine's subscribers pay more attention to the domestic cheeses, the subscribers is perhaps only a small part of all customers who purchase （最好加个国内的，不过这样也说得过去）cheeses. Lacking the details of cheeses of the world magazine ,such as the coverage of the magazine or the popularity of it(这半句话在全句中是什么成分，如果这样写，后面应该有which is 如何如何，可是后半句又是成分完整的句子), it is difficult to conclude that the increasing preference for domestic cheeses occur among most customers, espaciely(especailly) for such the large cheeses stores located throughout the United States. As a result, the survey could not serve as a(an) evidence to support that the domestic cheeses is(are) more favored than (the) imported and the suggestion to discontinue stocking varieties of imported cheeses seems useless.

Thirdly, even if the domestic cheeses sell better all the time throughout the country, the suggestion of limiting the inventory of imported cheeses accomplishes nothing toward improving profits. Since the expenses on stocking imported cheeses（would be spended）spend on stocking domestic cheeses after the suggestion bring into effect(fact更好点), the profits of the company may remain, or(even更好点) increase a little. So rather than stopping stocking imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses, obviously, the best way to improve profits is to low the cost of transportation or provide popular advertisement to customers purchasing cheeses and so on.

To sum up, the recommendation relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation better, the president must provide sufficient evidence and convictive survey to justify that the domestic cheeses sell better than imported cheeses all the time throughout the country. At the same time, a more appropriate manner to imrprove(improve) profits is required.

这篇文章的逻辑肯定没有问题，而且提出的问题都很且重要害，句字的使用也比较好（假设没有那些语法失误的话）.

我所能指出不足的就是一些语法上的问题，不过，从你用句子的功底来看是不应该有这些小失误的。可能写得比较急，或者没有检查。总之，这千万不能成为习惯，ETS觉得文章再好，也不能容忍这么多笔误。

[ 本帖最后由 Northeast-Wind 于 2008-1-14 00:33 编辑 ]