[SpringCity飞跃小组]第一次作业Issue51+Issue144

liny0901UID: 2399672

Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of
each student.【51】
教育只有被专门设计来满足每一个学生个人需求和兴趣的时候才是真正有效率的。


第一次习作，严重超时，字数还不够，求拍

John H.carclind Newman, a famous British educationist , ever says (I paraphase) in his great works The ideal of University that the eccense of University is genernal universal.He give a great weight to genernal education in universities.Though he his words concern about higher education,I think it's true through all the education systems.I disagree with the statements above,which claims a specialized eduction at all.

Some people may take it for grant that the specialzied education is truly effective,especially for the students who receive education for a better job,while the job markets are competetive and speciality-oriented.But in the long run ,this thoughts are totally wrong.Special skills and know-hows may prepare them goog jobs for the time being,but they will find difficult in further studies or swifting to other areas ,because the word is so increasingly changing and the so-callled skills are easy out of date,that is to say, what they have learnt in the schools or universities aren’t necessarily competent for their job.So if education is so specailized ,the students' ken and horizons will become very narrow.They may prove to be successful as bread-winners,but ultimately it will pan out that they are loosers and  victims of the specailized eduction.

On the other hind, the genenal eduction can't make every individuals satisfied whith what they are learning,even provoking their resentness in some courses and subjects.Take one of my fimiliars for example,his mathmatics is a nightmare for him,he intend to drop it at the first since it is not intresting for him.But he make a feat at last,so to speak,just becuase the mathmatic is compulsry in our university.Actually the mathmatic help him a lot ,especially for his progam designing career .

Though the genenal education is so important ,while other skills and knowledge are in goood need,the chool education can provide some professional skills training projects as a compensation,which will prepare the students for job hunting.

In sum ,the primary responsibility of the education is giving the student a genenal eduction.On no sucumstances could the specailzed education come the first place.

第二篇
'It is the artist, not the critic, who gives society something of lasting
value.（critic: A person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films
music, paintings, etc.）【144】
艺术家而不是评论家带给了社会一些具有持久价值的东西。（评论家指的是评价艺术作品的人，例如小说、电影
、绘画等）

I strongly agree with the statement that the artist gives socienty something of lasting value other than critic.Genenaly speaking, the artists' works reflect the true situations in their times,inspiring the contemporary people meanwhile.

Some ones may support the critics on the contry by unfolding some points.One is that the critics ,especialy those experts from the very area,give profound perspections and ideals about the artists' works,which will help us to understand the artists' works easily and choose the proper works to enjoy as well as.What's more, the critics' critiques can spur the artists to produce better works.These pionts soud sense,but actually they are not true at all.

Firstly,the essence of the arts is their inspiration on you like a shock,which may last only for a second.This inspiration,or consonace,may differs from person to person including the critics,because of their different experiences and life. If the critics' personal critique influence s you ,sometimes just in a indirect way, you may fail to enjoy the art by your own,bereaved of that shock or impact.Take my own experience for example,their was a new commercal movie weeks ago,which I hadn't wath yet.Occasionally,one national famous movie critic degraded the movie as a junk,so I did’nt pay any attention to it.Recently I see it by chance.It's a ever best movie for me,and I really have a good kick out of it.I regreted receiving that critic's partial ideals.This experirence may perjures the former point.

Secondly,I don’t think the critique can help the artists better works anyway.The artists' works are usually the results of the subjects' instaneonus spirit sparks or deeply thoughts obout lifeand the  word, which are origin and truthful as well as teem with valuable ideals.If the critic interfer whith this ,then the artists' work seem to be accordance with so-call norms,especailly when out of certain political purposes,but it’s only a viable craft,other than an art works.

In sum,the artist' works is just like a mirror by which we can see the history and the word as well as we humanbeeings clearly,while the critcs purposely or accitently blur it so that we are vailed by a distorted vision.It's the artists who make valuable contribution to the socienty other than the critics.

[ 本帖最后由 liny0901 于 2008-1-16 21:19 编辑 ]

Scofield_thuUID: 2447386

今天砖头不够，明天来拍，准备好药膏:loveliness:

hischildUID: 2143480

John H.carclind Newman, a famous British educationist, ever says (I paraphrase) in his great works the ideal of University that the essence of University is general universal. He gives a great weight to general education in universities（英文中可以这么表达么课颐挥屑??/font>.....）. Though he his words concern about higher education, I think it's true through all the education systems. I disagree with the statements above, which claims a specialized education at all.（没有中心句！中心句是表达你整篇文章的中心观点的，如果没有就麻烦了）

Some people may take it for grant that the specialized education is truly effective, especially for the students who receive education for a better job, while the job markets are competitive and specialty-oriented. But in the long run (term),this thoughts are totally wrong. Special skills and know-hows may prepare them good jobs for the time being, but they will find difficult in further studies or swifting to other areas, because the word is so increasingly changing and the so-called skills are easy out of date, that is to say, what they have learnt in the schools or universities aren’t necessarily competent for their job. So if education is so specialized, the students' ken and horizons will become very narrow. They may prove to be successful as bread-winners, but ultimately it will pan out that they are losers and  victims of the specailized eduction.(可能因为是刚开始写，这段的逻辑有点乱，有很多词都打错了显得词不达意，而且不能用批驳的方式来写ISSUE，它是立论文，要你解释的是WHY，不是说别人错在哪儿)

On the other hind（？）, the general education can't make every individuals satisfied with what they are learning, even provoking their resentness in some courses and subjects.Take one of my fimiliars for example,his math matics is a nightmare for him,he intend to drop it at the first since it is not intresting for him.But he make a feat at last,so to speak, just becuase the mathematics is compulsory in our university. Actually the math matic help him a lot ,especially for his progam designing career .

Though the general education is so important, while other skills and knowledge are in good need, the school education can provide some professional skills training projects as a compensation, which will prepare the students for job hunting.(与第二段的观点矛盾！看第二段红色字)

In sum,the primary responsibility of the education is giving the student a general education. On no circumstances could the specialized education come the first place.(这种表达太汉语了)

1、  太多的拼写错误和明显语法错误（我在word 里改了，所以没有用颜色表出来，你把你原文贴进WORD就知道我改了哪些了）
2、  用颜色表示的都是建议和修改
3、  好像现在对ISSUE写作的概念还不是太清楚，再多看些资料吧，最起码要知道写ISSUE的结构和套路，避免文章观点的前后矛盾，或者与AGU混起来
4、  在进行3的基础上，可能要重新改写这篇
5、  注意拿不准的时候尽量写短句子，使不好长句会使逻辑更混乱哦

以后先用WORD工具菜单里的“拼写和语法”检查修改完再发帖，好吗？以便节省时间。

[ 本帖最后由 hischild 于 2008-1-16 18:39 编辑 ]

hischildUID: 2143480

I strongly agree with the statement that the artist gives society something of lasting value other than critic. Generally speaking, the artists' works reflect the true situations in their times, inspiring（inspire） the contemporary people meanwhile.

Some ones may support the critics on the contrary by unfolding some points. One is that the critics, especially those experts from the very area, give profound perspections（？） and ideals about the artists' works, which will help us to understand the artists' works easily and choose the proper works to enjoy as well as（？）. What's more, the critics' critiques can spur（这个词带有贬义…） the artists to produce better works. These points soud sense（什么意思？）, but actually they are not true at all.

Firstly, the essence of the arts is their inspiration on you like a shock, which may last only for a second. This inspiration, or consonace, may differs（原型） from person to person including the critics, because of their different experiences and life. If the critics' personal critique influence s you, sometimes just in a indirect way, you may fail to enjoy the art by your own, bereaved of that shock or impact. Take my own experience for example, their was a new commercial movie weeks ago, which I hadn't wath yet. Occasionally, one national famous movie critic degraded the movie as a junk, so I did’nt（did not GRE写作中所有NOT不能缩写）pay any attention to it. Recently I see it by chance. It's a ever best movie for me, and I really have a good kick out of it. I regreted receiving that critic's partial ideals. This experirence（经验？） may perjures（这是做伪证的意思啊！！不要用带感情色彩的词汇，尽量用中性词） the former point.（很多很多拼错的词，有的连猜都猜不出来啊…拜托….）

Secondly, I don’t think the critique can help the artists better works（你想说更好的工作还是创作出更好的作品？） anyway. The artists' works are usually the results of the subjects' instaneonus（？） spirit sparks or deeply thoughts about life and the  word（词汇？世界？）, which are origin and truthful as well as teem with valuable ideals. If the critic interfer whith（看不懂） this ,then the artists' work seem to be accordance with so-call norms, especially when out of certain political purposes, but it’s（不能缩写）only a viable craft, other than an art works.

In sum, the artist' works is just like a mirror by which we can see the history and the word as well as we human beings clearly, while the critcs purposely or accidentally blur it so that we are veiled by a distorted vision. It’s the artists who make valuable contribution to the society other than the critics.

我建议有点多，实话实说了哈，不要生气：

1、注意格式，段与段之间隔行，标点符号后面空格

2、   拜托自己先改一遍，不要写完就发上来不管了，这也是对你自己负责啊！这样你可以发现自己常打错的词（比如general)，把每段话的关键词都打对，不然因为错字我们都看不懂你每段话的意思，怎么能谈到结构、正反论证…最终写成一篇逻辑严密的文章抓住GRE考官呢…

3、   其他的还是等以上的问题解决了再说吧…汗…..

[ 本帖最后由 hischild 于 2008-1-16 19:42 编辑 ]

liny0901UID: 2399672

收益匪浅啊！！谢谢老大哦