ISSUE47 【Aero小组】第4次作业

lovemxfUID: 2335206

Issue47  第5篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！

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Society does not place enough emphasis on the intellect—that is, on reasoning and other cognitive skills.
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The speaker claims that society does not pay much attention on the intellect such as reasoning and other cognitive skills. Although intellect is very important for every person, I agree with the speaker's claim for emotion factors are more important than intellect in the society.

The first reason for my agreement with the speaker is that people living in the community need emotions to closely get along with others. After we were born in the world, we need relatives to bring us up, friends to play with us, and lovers and offspring to compare us. These people could share our feelings and burdens when we are happy, sorrow or fear. After all, all these need emotion to link us with other people. No one could live lonely for a long time because human are the animal which lives together. For example, a recent research reported that the senior people who live with their offspring or relatives have a longer longevity than that of the people living lonely. Therefore, emotion is an important factor to human being living in the world.

The second reason why essentially agree with the speaker is that good emotion factor is the main reason for success. For example, some leaders who are not very cleverer than their followers but they could finally become the leader and make a great accomplishment. Because they have very distinctive personalities which have others embrace, trust, follow him and finally achieve their personal goal. For example, the achievement of Roosevelt who is the president of the United State and lead American people conquer the economic problem- Great Depression, is attributed to his strong willpower and good characteristics. Therefore, emotion factors are necessary to every person who wants to achieve the goal.   

Although, the society needs the emotion factors, it also needs intellect as well. Intellect is very important to every person. Because of the intellect, human being could realize goals one after another and the society could continually develop. For example, using the intellect, Einstein could establish the theory of relativity, and Newton could found the classic laws of mechanics. It also makes a important effect in our daily life. For example, every one will count how he could gain the largest interest if he possess a large sum of money and how to reduce the risk when invest the money.  Take myself as example, when I worked as a purchaser in the company, everyday I thought about how to minimize the cost and how to spend little time to ship the cargo. Intellect is a very important tool of human being in the life, study and work.

To sum up, we as one of the members in the society should pay much attention on the emotion factors to well get alone with others. What is more the good emotion factors are able to cause us achieve what we want. However, intellect factors are also important in the our society which may play very important role for our life even the progress of the society. Therefore, every person should take advantage both of two factors to achievement.

大家看看有没有跑题。

liruixinsnakeUID: 2373729

Lovemxf
  The speaker claims that （the）society does not pay much attention on(to) the intellect such as reasoning and other cognitive skills. Although intellect is very important for every person, I agree with the speaker's claim for emotion factors are more important than intellect in the society.（第一段表达的不够，issue作文不是问你是不是同意作者观点，而是要你进行分析和陈述，所以感觉上有些出入。多看看其他北美范文开头的观点哈）The first reason for my agreement with the speaker is that people living in the community need emotions to closely get along with others. After we were born in the world, we need relatives to bring us up, friends to play with us(删掉), and lovers and offspring to compare us. These people could share our feelings and burdens when we are happy, sorrow or fear. After all, all these need emotion to link us with other people. No one could live lonely（alone,lonely是主观上的寂寞） for a long time because human are the animal which lives together. For example, a recent research reported that the senior people who live with their offspring or relatives have a longer longevity than that of the people living lonely. Therefore, emotion is an important factor to human being living in the world.The second reason why essentially agree with the speaker is that good emotion factor is the main reason for success. For example, some leaders who are not very cleverer than their followers but they could finally become the leader and make a great accomplishment. Because（in that） they have very distinctive personalities which have others embrace, trust, follow him and finally achieve their personal goal. For example（Another example）, the achievement of Roosevelt who is (删掉用破折号代替，可以变成复合型句式而且思维更加清晰) ——the president of the United State and（删掉用who代替）lead（应该过去时led）American people conquer the economic problem- Great Depression, is attributed to his strong willpower and good characteristics. Therefore, emotion factors are necessary to every person who wants to achieve the goal.   Although, the society needs the emotion factors, it also needs intellect as well. Intellect is very important to every person（individuals）. Because of the intellect, human being could realize goals one after another and the society could continually develop. For example, using the intellect, Einstein could establish the theory of relativity, and Newton could found the classic laws of mechanics. It also makes an important effect in our daily life. For example, every one will count how he could gain the largest interest if he possess a large sum of money and how to reduce the risk when invest the money.  Take myself as example, when I worked as a purchaser in the company, everyday I thought about how to minimize the cost and how to spend little time to ship the cargo. Intellect is a very important tool of human being in the life, study and work.（论据中尽量少出现关于自己的例子，会降低学术文章的学术性）To sum up, we as one of the members in the society should pay much attention on the emotion factors to well get alone with others. What is more the good emotion factors are able to cause us achieve what we want. However, intellect factors are also important in the our society which may play a very important role for our life even the progress of the society. Therefore, every person should take advantage both of（加such）two factors to achievement.

缺点：句式比较简单，用词有些单一。
优点：逻辑比较清晰，文章整体性把握的很好。

建议：多把简单句写成长句，这是初期目标，然后再把长句写成逻辑关系清晰的复合句。
再多看些范文，丰富自己表达陈述的词汇。  

Ps：我拍的比较狠，主要突出楼主的 缺点，其实写出这样的水平已经能看出体现了很好的水平了。 （惭愧了，我这篇文章貌似写跑题了！！！！！ 55555555555）

victkidUID: 2326283

The speaker claims that society does not pay much attention on the intellect such as reasoning and other cognitive skills. Although intellect is very important for every person, I agree with the speaker's claim for emotion factors are more important than intellect in the society.(我怎麽认为作者的观点的是intellect应该更重要啊。）

The first reason for my agreement with the speaker is that people living in the community need emotions to closely get along with others. After we were born in the world, we need relatives to bring us up, friends to play with us, and lovers and offspring to compare us. These people could share our feelings and burdens when we are happy, sorrow or fear. After all, all these (events) need emotion to link us with other people. No one could live lonely for a long time because human are the animal which lives together. For example, a recent research reported that the senior people who live with their offspring or relatives have a longer longevity than that of the people living lonely. Therefore, emotion is an important factor to human being living in the world.

The second reason why I essentially agree with the speaker is that a good emotion factor is the main reason for success. For example, some leaders who are not very cleverer than their followers but they could finally become the leader and make a great accomplishment. Because they have very distinctive personalities which have others embrace, trust, follow him and finally achieve their personal goal. For example, the achievement of Roosevelt who is the president of the United State and lead American people conquer the economic problem- Great Depression, is attributed to his strong willpower and good characteristics. Therefore, emotion factors are necessary to every person who wants to achieve the goal.   

Although, the society needs the emotion factors, it also needs intellect as well. Intellect is very important to every person. Because of the intellect, human beings could realize goals one after another and the society could continually develop. For example, using the intellect, Einstein could establish the theory of relativity, and Newton could found find the classic laws of mechanics. It also makes aan important effect in our daily life. For example, every one will count how he could gain the largest interest if he possess a large sum of money and how to reduce the risk when invest the money.  Take myself as example, when I worked as a purchaser in the company, everyday I thought about how to minimize the cost and how to spend little time to ship the cargo. Intellect is a very important tool of human being in the life, study and work.（可以把I的例子用第三人称表述）

To sum up, we as one of the members in the society should pay much attention on the emotion factors to well get alone with others. What is more the good emotion factors are able to cause us achieve what we want. However, intellect factors are also important in the our society which may play very important role for our life even the progress of the society. Therefore, every person should take advantage both of the two factors to achievement.

小的语法点错得比较多，建议最后一定留几分钟通读全文避免这些错误。
还有一个是例子有些不能很好的证明观点。有论证力度不够强的感觉。

[ 本帖最后由 victkid 于 2008-1-27 15:19 编辑 ]