issue130【Goal to Reach Excellence小组】第3次作业

jessicakingkingUID: 2379628

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS:  478    DATE: 2008-1-26 9:30:38      留连互拍,有拍必回

The speaker's assertion actually consists of two claims: that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, and that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. While I basically disagree with the first one, I strongly agree with the second claim.

Admittedly, children who are socialized today can work with others efficiently and efficient group work is a catalyst for the development of the society. Considering the students who work actively in the Student Union, they have a wider scope of interpersonal relationship than common students. Moreover, they are capable in organizing most activities on campus, compared with those students who are always occupied in labs and only proficient in researches. School equals to a small society. Those students who are more socialized in school can better adapt to society out of school.

However, the speaker considers the socialization as the determination of the destiny of society, which might overstate the crucial role of how children are socialized today. The other factors, such as personal interest, internal conviction, and parental influence are also attributed to a better society. There are many examples of prominent people who have a great contribution to a better society in this point. Vincent Van Gogh's contribution to our society was mainly the result of his great interest and passion in art rather than socialization; Gandhi's contributions sprang mainly from the courage of his inner conviction, in spite of his proper socialization among genteel Indian society; Martin Luther King's contribution was primarily the result of his strong religious upbringing, which had more to do with parental influence than with socialization. In short, socialization is only one factor influencing the degree to which people will eventually contribution to a better society and usually it is not the most important one.

In some extent, I tend to agree with the author’s second claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who know how to create a better society. Nowadays, the current educational system overemphasize the development of intellectual ability while most of time ignoring their emotional health. Certain of amount of self-introspection into one's emotion is probably helpful to develop student as an overall person, which means educator including parents and schools should pay more attention on students' tolerance to others, the great respect of individual rights, sense of cooperation across cultural and national boundaries. In this way, we can cultivate our offspring who are all-round developed, at last to serve out goal of building a better society.

In conclusion, when considering whether children grow up to bring a better society, there are many other significant characters should be cultivated in a child besides socialization. Moreover, both parents and society need to ponder long and deeply on how to raise children who can help bring us a better society.

lkjoyceUID: 2343550

issue130【Goal to Reach Excellence小组】第3次作业
TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS:  478    DATE: 2008-1-26 9:30:38      留连互拍,有拍必回

The speaker's assertion actually consists of two claims: that 去掉that, 因为前面已有冒号，此处并非从句，个人意见 how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, and that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. While I basically disagree with the first one, I strongly agree with the second claim. 首段态度明确

Admittedly, children who are socialized today can work with others efficiently and efficient group work is a catalyst for the development of the society. Considering the students who work actively in the Student Union, they have a wider scope of interpersonal relationship than common students. Moreover, they are capable in organizing most activities on campus, compared with those students who are always occupied in labs and only proficient in researches. A School equals to a small society. Those students who are more socialized in school can better adapt to society out of school.

However, the speaker considers the socialization as the determination 用词错误，注意determination的意思，可改为decisive factor of the destiny of society, which might overstate the crucial role of how children are socialized today. The other factors, such as personal interest, internal conviction, and parental influence are also attributed to a better society. There are many examples of prominent people who have a great contribution to a better society in this point. Vincent Van Gogh's contribution to our society was mainly the result of his great interest and passion in art rather than socialization; Gandhi's contributions sprang mainly from the courage of his inner conviction, in spite of his proper socialization among genteel Indian society; Martin Luther King's contribution was primarily the result of his strong religious upbringing, which had more to do with parental influence than with socialization.论证详细充分，举例恰当。唯一建议是感觉后两个例子很可能有很多人用（在不少提纲中有见过…），如果有其他合适的例子不妨替换一下下可能更好。 In short, socialization is only one factor influencing the degree to which people will eventually contribution to a better society and usually it is not the most important one.

In To some extent, I tend to agree with the author’s second claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who know how to create a better society. Nowadays, the current educational system overemphasize the development of intellectual ability while most of time ignoring their emotional health. Certain of 去掉of amount of self-introspection into one's emotion is probably helpful to develop a student as an overall person, which means educator including parents and schools should pay more attention on 把on改为to students' tolerance to others, the great respect of individual rights, sense of cooperation across cultural and national boundaries. In this way, we can cultivate our offspring who are all-round developed, at last to serve out goal of building a better society.

In conclusion, when considering about whether children grow up to bring a better society, there are many other significant characters should be cultivated in for a child besides socialization. Moreover, both parents and society need to ponder long and deeply on how to raise children who can help bring us a better society.

全文态度明确，思路清晰，论证也很充分，用词颇丰，值得学习~ 提出一些个人建议，如有不当，还请包涵。 多多交流~

lovemxfUID: 2335206

The speaker's assertion actually consists of two claims: that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, and that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. While I basically disagree with the first one, I strongly agree with the second claim.Admittedly, children who are socialized today can work with others efficiently and efficient group work is a catalyst for the development of the society. Considering the students who work actively in the Student Union, they have a wider scope of interpersonal relationship than common students. Moreover, they are capable in organizing most activities on campus, compared with those students who are always occupied in labs and only proficient in researches. School equals to a small society. Those students who are more socialized in school can better adapt to society out of school.However, the speaker considers the socialization as the determination of the destiny of society, which might overstate the crucial role of how children are socialized today. The other factors, such as personal interest, internal conviction, and parental influence are also attributed to a better society. There are many examples of prominent people who have a great contribution to a better society in this point. Vincent Van Gogh's contribution to our society was mainly the result of his great interest and passion in art rather than socialization; Gandhi's contributions sprang mainly from the courage of his inner conviction, in spite of his proper socialization among genteel Indian society; Martin Luther King's contribution was primarily the result of his strong religious upbringing, which had more to do with parental influence than with socialization. In short, socialization is only one factor influencing the degree to which people will eventually contribution to a better society and usually it is not the most important one.这段写的不错，很好In some extent I tend to agree with the author’s second claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who know最好去掉有点多于 how to create a better society. Nowadays, the current educational system overemphasize the development of intellectual ability while most of time ignoring their emotional health. Certain of amount of self-introspection into one's emotion is probably helpful to develop student as an overall person, which means educator including parents and schools should pay more attention on students' tolerance to others, the great respect of individual rights, sense of cooperation across cultural and national boundaries. In this way, we can cultivate our offspring who are all-round developed, at last to serve out goal of building a better society.我觉的不应该有你的建议，你这段论证的是我们不知道怎么去培养孩子，你的重点在这，而不是告诉社会和家长你的建议是什么。这段最好在写一下，着重写一下现代教育的弊端。In conclusion, when considering whether children grow up to bring a better society, there are many other significant characters should be cultivated in a child besides socialization. Moreover, both parents and society need to ponder long and deeply on how to raise children who can help bring us a better society

1，你的第二个论点论证的不错。
2，你的ts太长了，最好短小精炼。用短句。
3，第三个论点就是教育那一段，我认为论证过程有问题，应该在改一下。
很多书包括小宝的都会说我们应该怎么样放在最后一段论证，但是修锐说这样不对。