ISSUE83 求拍留链互拍~

钢琴宝宝UID: 2303982

Dawn of the new century witnesses the rapid development of the society, coincident with the increasing seriousness of the environmental problems. The protection of the wild is focused on by more individuals. Does it indispensable that government make efforts to preserve publicly owned wilderness areas which are exceedingly remote and not readily available? In my own perspective, these areas should unquestionably be protected since they play a vital role in many respects for the society. However, the government should endeavor to cope with the problem in some certain scale.

It is undeniable that those remote and hard-reached areas are of profound significance in maintaining the natural balance. To protect these areas, not only for preserving the wilds itself, but also for the holistic ecosystem, casts great influence on the state. For instance, quite a few area, such as some primitive forests, in China has been overused and thus cannot recover to what they were, following a series of environmental problems, especially the desertification. A large portion of residents suffer from such environmental deterioration, and what worsen the situation is that the government still has not obtain effective method and channel to figure it out. If the government had taken some measures and made rules and regulations concerned prior to the exploration of the problem, condition may totally different now. Consequently, it is crucial and essential for government care for the environment of wilderness.

In addition, those outgoing region may abound in miscellaneous resources which can be well-used and researched when necessitate. First, sundry mineral resources may be rich in the region, says, gasoline, coal, which provides major energy for society, or gold, emerald, which is scare and valuable and can be made to decorations. The mineral wealth will be extremely wasted and cannot regenerate if it is exploited without expertise. Only if the country demands those precious resources that can they are used by the government. In addition, there may exit quite a few biological and geological resources in the area. Those rare animals and some fancy geological may be splendid resources for those scientists and experts. It is that carelessness of the deterioration in the desolate district that some accomplishment in many fields cannot come out. Hence, government is supposed to protect the wilderness insofar as it may useful and critical for the society.

However, as those regions seem extremely remote and hardly accessible, it is necessary for the government to evaluate the efforts they made and the results they received. To reach those outgoing and unknown region, or to survive in those wilds may really arduous for individuals. If it is too formidable for individuals to handle the task and the results currently remain unknown. It is sagacious to delay the task to except the advancement of the science and technology that some day we may ultimately hold the ability to cope with the problem.

In conclusion, protection of those public owned wilderness areas exerts brilliant impact on the county. Nevertheless, the government should assess the payment and the achievement when cope with problems concerned.     

bryanshawUID: 2239455

Dawn of the new century witnesses the rapid development of the society, coincident with the increasing seriousness of the environmental problems. The protection of the wild is focused on by more individuals. Does it indispensable that government make efforts to preserve publicly owned wilderness areas which are exceedingly remote and not readily available? In my own perspective, these areas should unquestionably be protected since they play a vital role in many respects for the society. However, the government should endeavor to cope with the problem in some certain scale.开头点题说明观念，但是最后一句话是不是有点多余了。而且觉得你中间的设问句有点没有意思，不如直接陈述，语气强硬些。

It is undeniable that those remote and hard-reached areas are of profound significance in maintaining the natural balance. To protect these areas, not only for preserving the wilds itself, but also for the holistic ecosystem, casts great influence on the state.可不可以改成protection of these areas,…,will cast…. For instance, quite a few areas, such as some primitive forests(, )in China, has been overused and thus cannot recover to what they were, following a series of environmental problems, especially the desertification. 干嘛用中国。。。我随便说说-­_-b…A large portion of residents suffer from such environmental deterioration, and what worsen the situation is that the government still has not obtained effective method and channel to figure it out. If the government had taken some measures and made rules and regulations concerned prior to the exploration是不是exposure of the problem, condition may be totally different now. Consequently, it is crucial and essential for government care for the environment of wilderness.这段讲了环境被破坏的后果说的还不错，我继续看后面的层次。

In addition, those outgoing region may abound in miscellaneous resources which can be well-used and researched when necessitate. First, sundry mineral resources may be rich in the region, says, gasoline, coal, which provides major energy for society, or gold, emerald, which is scare and valuable and can be made to decorations. The mineral wealth will be extremely wasted and cannot regenerate if it is exploited without expertise. Only if the country demands those precious resources （that） can they are  be used by the government. In addition表用和前面一样的短语，Furthermore, there may exit quite a few biological and geological resources in the area. Those rare animals and some fancy geological may be splendid resources for those scientists and experts. It is that carelessness of the deterioration in the desolate district that 前半句话是强调句结构吗，that carelessness是不是该改成so careless some accomplishment in many fields cannot come out. Hence, government is supposed to protect the wilderness insofar as it may useful and critical for the society.又提到生产和自然价值，仍然在并列说明wildness的作用。

However看完这段我知道你这个however是什么意思，但是首句和上文并没有直接大转折。你不如重新编排这段话的几个句子，否则这个however太莫名其妙。比如，“但是，政府也不能贸然对荒野进行开发——当他们还没有这种能力的时候，他们会破坏荒野——而应该留到时机成熟之时。”, as those regions seem extremely remote and hardly accessible, it is necessary for the government to evaluate the efforts they made and the results they received. To reach those outgoing and unknown region, or to survive in those wilds may really arduous for individuals. If it is too formidable for individuals to handle the task and the results currently remain unknown. It is sagacious to delay the task to except the advancement of the science and technology that some day we may ultimately hold the ability to cope with the problem. 转而讲要谨慎处理荒野，纵观你全文，也算是面面俱到了。

In conclusion, protection of those public owned wilderness areas exerts brilliant impact on the county. Nevertheless, the government should assess the payment and the achievement when cope with problems concerned.  结尾突然提到payment。。。怎么会在结尾提出一个新的概念呢，不如在上一段笼统地说一下就好了啊。结尾对你观点做一个简短总结比较稳妥些吧。你这个结尾不太好呀。

我最近忙别的事情，你文章昨天的就没改，今天一起了，不好意思啊   

文章的思路算清晰的，不过这也是个简单的题目，感觉你还是到后来没话说了，其实能说的很多的，比如荒野具体怎么破坏的，你没怎么说，你只是提到沙尘暴之类，你完全可以说房地产的开发，城市的扩建等等，然后引出一些关于长远利益和眼前利益的关系。再比如，可以谈谈政府是否该出台政策，法律等来强制保护荒野。你的body第三段有点单薄，这个保护荒野我觉得加在一系列的政府政策里面来正反两面都论述一下蛮好的。

还是那句话，我也菜菜，你挑有用的听哈

[ 本帖最后由 bryanshaw 于 2008-1-27 13:40 编辑 ]