ARGUMENT45[飞跃dreams小组]第一次作业

纳兰馨儿UID: 2437109

TOPIC: ARGUMENT45 - The following appeared as an editorial in a wildlife journal.
"Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic region. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of a year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed, and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea."
WORDS: 448   

According to the editorial above ,we get acquaintance with the age-old habit of arctic deer, who live on separated islands and is able to travel through the sea on the ice when it is cold enough in case to search for food. And the speaker also connect the current decline of the deer's population with recent global warming trends ,then conclude that it is this trend that caused the unfortunate results. But from the background information and the analysis of the conclusion , we find several problematic points .


A threshold problem with the argument involves the statistical reliability of the reports about the change of the population. The speaker indicates  that  the reports comes from the local hunters. How many local hunters are there in the survey? Where are they from? It is entirely possible that the report was based on an insufficiently small sample, or a sample that was made in one island that it would not to be representative of the overall arctic region.

Secondly, even assuming that the number of  the deer in each island has declined, the speaker's assumption that it is the result of being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns without any evidence to prove the relationship between them, is confusing. Because based on the habit of the deer ,we know that there are at least two seasons in that area ,the warm one and the cold one, if it is warm enough that the sea cannot frozen , it would be possible that the plants on which they feed are sustained. And without migrating ,they can survive. Even there is some time when the food is not enough and the sea is not frozen at the same time , take the minor influence of the global warming trends in one season into consideration , we know that that time will not be too long compared with the origin climate. And the deer still have enough time for their journey.

Another problem with the argument involves the reason of the decline of the population. Despite the limits of food ,there are masses alternatives can lead to the same result, such as the increasing number of hunting , the birth rate , or some disease that will kill the plants or the deer. Thus ,without considering these possible scenario, the speaker cannot justifiably make a conclusion.

In sum, this editorial is not well supported . To strengthen it ,the speaker must provide clear evidence that the population of the deer is declining in every island and the climate has changed significant enough to influence normal habits of the deer, and that all the other possible reasons are not exist at all.

[ 本帖最后由 纳兰馨儿 于 2008-1-27 23:20 编辑 ]

sunman163UID: 2404820

According to the editorial above ,we get acquaintance with the age-old habit of arctic deer, who live on separated islands and is able to travel through the sea on the ice when it is cold enough in case to search for food. And the speaker also connect the current decline of the deer's population with recent global warming trends ,then conclude that it is this trend that caused the unfortunate results. But from the background information and the analysis of the conclusion , we find several problematic points .(第一段的开头前面几句显得有点啰嗦)A threshold problem with the argument involves the statistical reliability of the reports about the change of the population. The speaker indicates  that  the reports comes from the local hunters. How many local hunters are there in the survey? Where are they from? It is entirely possible that the report was based on an insufficiently small sample, or a sample that was made in one island that it would not to be representative of the overall arctic region.Secondly, even assuming that the number of the deer in each island has declined the speaker's assumption that it is the result of being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns without any evidence to prove the relationship between them, is confusing. Because based on the habit of the deer ,we know that there are at least two seasons in that area ,the warm one and the cold one, if it is warm enough that the sea cannot frozen , it would be possible that the plants on which they feed are sustained. And without migrating, they can survive. Even there is some time when the food is not enough and the sea is not frozen at the same time , take the minor influence of the global warming trends in one season into consideration , we know that that time will not be too long compared with the origin climate. And the deer still have enough time for their journey.Another problem with the argument involves the reason of the decline of the population. Despite the limits of food, there are masses alternatives can lead to the same result, such as the increasing number of hunting, the birth rate, or some disease that will kill the plants or the deer. Thus, without considering this possible scenario, the speaker cannot justifiably make a conclusion.In sum, this editorial is not well supported. To strengthen it, the speaker must provide clear evidence that the population of the deer is declining in every island and the climate has changed significant enough to influence normal habits of the deer, and that all the other possible reasons are not exist at all.

错误找的挺好的，逻辑组织的也不错，不过具体语言的细节部分还有提高的空间：）
小提示：标点符号是紧跟着你的单词的，不要空一格，呵呵

lyokaUID: 2451632

TOPIC: ARGUMENT45 - The following appeared as an editorial in a wildlife journal.

"Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic region. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of a year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed, and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea."
WORDS: 448   

According to the editorial above ,we get acquaintance with the age-old habit of arctic deer, who live on separated islands and is able to travel through the sea on the ice when it is cold enough in
              主谓前后不一致
case to search for food. And the speaker also connects the current decline of the deer's population with recent global warming trends ,then concludes that it is this trend that caused the unfortunate results. But from the background information and the analysis of the conclusion , we find several problematic points .


A threshold problem with the argument involves the statistical reliability of the reports about the change of the population. The speaker indicates  that  the reports comes from the local hunters. How many local hunters are there in the survey? Where are they from? It is entirely possible that the report was based on an insufficiently small sample, or a sample that was made in one island that it would not to be representative of the overall arctic region.
              质疑调查

Secondly, even assuming that the number of  the deer in each island has declined, the speaker's assumption that it is the result of being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns without any evidence to prove the relationship between them, is confusing. Because based on the habit of the deer ,we know that there are at least two seasons in that area ,the warm one and the cold one, and if it is warm enough that the sea cannot frozen , it would be possible that the plants on which they feed are sustained. And without migrating ,they can survive. Even there is some time when the food is not enough and the sea is not frozen at the same time , take the minor influence of the global warming trends in one season into consideration , we know that that time will not be too long compared with the origin climate. And the deer still have enough time for their journey.
              主题是质疑migration 影响 population。但最后一部分似乎是质疑warming trends影响migration，放在这里不太适合

Another problem with the argument involves the reason of the decline of the population. Despite the limits of food ,there are masses alternatives can lead to the same result, such as the increasing number of hunting , the birth rate , or some disease that will kill the plants or the deer. Thus ,without considering these possible scenario, the speaker cannot justifiably make a conclusion.
              列举其他可能因素

In sum, this editorial is not well supported . To strengthen it ,the speaker must provide clear evidence that the population of the deer is declining in every island and the climate has changed significantly enough to influence normal habits of the deer, and that all the other possible reasons are not exist at all.

              文章整体抓住了漏洞，只是中间有一段没有能够很好的围绕主题句进行论述，应该注意。最后一段的改进方案提得很好。

纳兰馨儿UID: 2437109

多谢两位`受益匪浅:)~~