ARGUMENT240 [飞跃dreams小组]第一次作业

纳兰馨儿UID: 2437109

TOPIC: ARGUMENT240 - The following appeared in a memo written by a dean at Buckingham College.

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a new dormitory. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, should double over the next fifty years, thus making existing dormitories inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
WORDS: 457        TIME: 00:45:00        


In this memo , the dean of Buckingham College suggest to build a new dormitory for the increasing housing needs of students. The support evidences include the expanding enrollment of the college , the raising of the average off-campus rent,  and the improvement of the college’s attraction. These arguments seem to be concerned and logical, but there are several problematic aspects as follows .

（１）学生数量增加不等于住宿的人数量增加．可能是本地的可以回家住（２）５０年两倍时间太长，速度不够快，可以考虑别的投资
Firstly , lacking any information regarding the rise of enrollment in the college, we cannot assess whether this trend will guarantee a growth in the needs of accommodation. Because not all the extra students are surely need a dormitory each person. Possibly most students will be local because of some governmental policy, and they can choose to live in their parents’ houses. In this way, probably the need of the dormitory will shrink when the enrollment expand. In addition ,even this trend will continue, 50 years seems to be too long to make a practical planning ,since we cannot assume that the improvement of accommodation environment will be the most urgent issue in the long time. Thus, we should be sure that a new dormitory is needed or we have to save the money for more useful program.


房价涨不等于在校外住更难：１对房价的推断不能只靠以往的情况２应该考虑收入的增加３住宿费是否会增加不知道
Despite the premature conclusion on the upcoming condition, the dean also exaggerate the influence of the change in rental rates. It is known to all that the rates are determined by supply and demand ,so the fluctuation is perceptive. Such factors as the inflation, the development of the economy ,etc. In that case, the current trend should not be extended easily.  Further , Let us suppose that the raising will last for a long time ,however, if the income of each family raises faster than the raising rates , we should be happy about the real decline of the payment and living outside will be easier economically. Again, the arguer all the while fails to mention the current dormitory supply and situation for usage. Are there many rooms still remain vacant? Are the accommodation fees  also increasing? In conclusion, without a clear answer to these questions and more evidences to support the increasing needs in the future, the dean cannot justifiably conclude that an additional dormitory is necessary.

新校舍对学生的吸引程度不大，可以把钱花在别的地方
Besides the reasons above, another problem worth mentioning is that the arguer fails to take into account other factors which may be more attractive when the students choose universities. Such as the quantity of its teaching, the academic environment it providing, the school’s reputation and the major it offers. The new campus dormitory will surely be absorbing in some degree, but compared with other factors above ,there are other more efficient ways than invest in a quiet new construction.

To sum up, we are very glad that the problem of the housing need of students can be thrown to the spot. However a further survey and consideration should be taken before decision.

lyokaUID: 2451632

TOPIC: ARGUMENT240 - The following appeared in a memo written by a dean at Buckingham College.

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a new dormitory. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, should double over the next fifty years, thus making existing dormitories inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
WORDS: 457        TIME: 00:45:00        


In this memo , the dean of Buckingham College suggest to build a new dormitory for the increasing housing needs of students. The support evidences include the expanding enrollment of the college , the raising of the average off-campus rent,  and the improvement of the college’s attraction. These arguments seem to be concerned and logical, but there are several problematic aspects as follows .

（１）学生数量增加不等于住宿的人数量增加．可能是本地的可以回家住（２）５０年两倍时间太长，速度不够快，可以考虑别的投资
Firstly , lacking any information regarding the rise of enrollment in the college, we cannot assess whether this trend will guarantee a growth in the needs of accommodation. Because not all the extra students are surely need a dormitory each person. Possibly most students will be local because of some governmental policy, and they can choose to live in their parents’ houses. In this way, probably the need of the dormitory will shrink when the enrollment expands. In addition ,even if this trend will continue, 50 years seems to be too long to make a practical planning ,since we cannot assume that the improvement of accommodation environment will be the most urgent issue in the long time. Thus, we should be sure that a new dormitory is needed or we have to save the money for more useful program.
              此段中让步写得很不错

房价涨不等于在校外住更难：１对房价的推断不能只靠以往的情况２应该考虑收入的增加３住宿费是否会增加不知道
Despite the premature conclusion on the upcoming condition, the dean also exaggerates the influence of the change in rental rates. It is known to all that the rates are determined by supply and demand ,so the fluctuation is perceptive. Such factors as the inflation, the development of the economy ,etc. In that case, the current trend
              这个句子似乎有毛病
should not be extended easily.  Further , Let us suppose that the raising will last for a long time ,however, if the income of each family raises faster than the raising rates , we should be happy about the real decline of the payment and living outside will be easier economically. Again, the arguer all the while fails to mention the current dormitory supply and situation for usage. Are there many rooms still remain vacant? Are the accommodation fees  also increasing? In conclusion, without a clear answer to these questions and more evidences to support the increasing needs in the future, the dean cannot justifiably conclude that an additional dormitory is necessary.
              句子衔接时转折词运用不错，考虑角度也很周全。不过如果在段首加个衔接词会更加完美

新校舍对学生的吸引程度不大，可以把钱花在别的地方
Besides the reasons above, another problem worth mentioning is that the arguer fails to take into account other factors which may be more attractive when the students choose universities. Such as the quantity of its teaching,
              后面没有单独成句，应该改为   ，such…       quantity 似乎应为quality
the academic environment it providing, the school’s reputation and the major it offers. The new campus dormitory will surely be absorbing in some degree, but compared with other factors above ,there are other more efficient ways than investing in a quiet new construction.

To sum up, we are very glad that the problem of the housing need of students can be thrown to the spot. However a further survey and consideration should be taken before decision.

              文章抓住了题目的主要漏洞进行批驳，议论过程较为充分，按照漏洞出现的顺序进行讨论更使文章条理清晰，段段衔接也很自然。句式，词汇变化也很丰富。不过个人想提醒一点（与本作文无关）：在word中，标点的使用应该是紧跟着单词，然后在后面空一格写下一个单词。注意这点在以后写作文时应该可以更充分的利用其纠错功能。

纳兰馨儿UID: 2437109

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