ARGUMENT240 [飞跃dreams小组]第一次作业

shallinZUID: 2449645

240.The following appeared in a memo written by a dean at Buckingham College.
"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a new dormitory. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, should double over the next fifty years, thus making existing dormitories inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing.Finally, an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more  likely to enroll at Buckingham."

In this memo the dean of Buckingham College recommends build a new dormitory to serve the housing needs of our students. To support this recommendation the dean relies on Buckingham’s enrollment is growing and should double over the next fifty years , along with the fact that the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years. However, the recommendation relies on series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.To begin with, the dean points out that Buckingham College need a new dormitory, yet dean provides no evidence to prove that the number of dormitory at Buckingham College is lack. Though Buckingham’s enrollment is growing, it is entirely possible that the number of dormitory is abundant. Moreover, Buckingham’s enrollment recent growing trends do not necessarily that the enrollment will double over the next fifty years. It is entirely possible that Buckingham’s enrollment might decline in the future.Furthermore, since the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased, the author provides no evidence that the student would like to live in school. Owing to the average rent increased trends, local economy is rapidly developing or inflation. So the average rent increased is show that the salary and standard of living will increase in all part of the town, included tuition and living expenses. If the average expenses at Buckingham College, students would like not to live in the school. So students are prefer to live off-campus housing, the new dormitory wouldn’t attract more students to study and live in the Buckingham College.In sum, the argument is logically flawed and there fore unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation the author must provide better evidence that local living condition, students would like to live in the school and Buckingham’s enrollment will increase. Such evidence might include the following: a clearly survey showing that local living condition ; and a significant number of Buckingham’s enrollment .and assurances from students that they would like to live in the school.


[ 本帖最后由 shallinZ 于 2008-1-28 15:44 编辑 ]

sunman163UID: 2404820

In this memo the dean of Buckingham College recommends build a new dormitory to serve the housing needs of our students. To support this recommendation the dean relies on Buckingham’s enrollment is growing and should double over the next fifty years , along with the fact that the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years. However, the recommendation relies on series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.
To begin with, the dean points out that Buckingham College need a new dormitory, yet dean provides no evidence to prove that the number of dormitory at Buckingham College is lack. Though Buckingham’s enrollment is growing, it is entirely possible that the number of dormitory is abundant. Moreover, Buckingham’s enrollment recent growing trends do not necessarily that the enrollment will double over the next fifty years. It is entirely possible that Buckingham’s enrollment might decline in the future. Furthermore, since the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased, the author provides no evidence that the student would like to live in school. Owing to the average rent increased trends, local economy is rapidly developing or inflation. (这句话的表达完全不是你的意思吧？)So the average rent increased is show that the salary and standard of living will increase in all part of the town, included tuition and living expenses. If the average expenses at Buckingham College, students would like not to live in the school. So students are prefer to live off-campus housing, the new dormitory wouldn’t attract more students to study and live in the Buckingham College.
In sum, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation the author must provide better evidence that local living condition, students would like to live in the school and Buckingham’s enrollment will increase. Such evidence might include the following: a clearly survey showing that local living condition ; and a significant number of Buckingham’s enrollment .and assurances from students that they would like to live in the school.
总体思路不错，错误找的挺好的而且本身也能表达的出来，但是语法错误感觉挺多的，很多都是is+verb的错误，尽管ets不强调这点，不过你这个都有点影响到表达了呵