ISSUE121[AWER]第三次作业

scorpoioUID: 2405243

题目：ISSUE121 - "At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species."


Species are dieing out and we are being isolated! I totally can't agree with the attitude that there is no justification for society to make efforts to save endangered species.

Since the industry revolution, our human beings have created enormous wealth and lived an better life than ever before. With the prosperity of ourselves, the global environment is becoming increasingly deteriorated and a large number of species have become extinct and are dieing out silently when we are enjoying our modern life.

Admittedly, extinction happened in every period of history and many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human. But things have changed now. The extinction has incredibly sped up since our industrialization and modernization which we become so proud of .Scientists have founded that the extinction is one-hundred times faster than in any other historic period because of human's activity. The "Nature" magazine predicted that one million species will be swiped out from this planet fifty years later, which means in every single hour one species become extinct.  Do you still believe that we are not accusable for this?

Species diversity is of great importance to us. The importance can be demonstrated in two levels. The first level, which may be suitable for those who concern nothing but current profit, is that species diversity may bring us knowledge and ideas which may benefit ourselves academically and financially. Undeniable, nature is our best instructor. We have learned a lot from other species. A simple example is the airplane. Without the bird or other flying species how could we get the idea to design a plane that way, or we might not even think of flying in the air. These natural teachers are significant to us and our civilization. It is a little weird but true to say that our human's best teachers are dieing out because of our blind greediness for profit and irresponsible way of development.

The other level is that all species on the planet are our companions. So far, we haven't found any life in other planet. The earth is our only home. Fifty years later, we may lost one million kinds of these friends. What about the next fifty years and what about the next century. How many species will become extinct until we finally feel lonely and find out how boring world is without all kinds of lively species?

It is time to do something to protect the species from dieing out so fast. Unfortunately, it is not a easy job because the fundamental cause of their extinction is environmental degradation, which is now a global problem and can not be solved by any single country, rather than some commercial needs on certain species. The difficulties call for world-wide cooperation and legislation. Not only the developing countries who will sacrifice anything to become rich is responsible for this, due to the history of our wasteful development the developed countries also has duty to lead the whole world to take action. Only in this way can we solve the global environmental problem and protect the home of all the species and ourselves.

钢琴宝宝UID: 2303982

不好意思,前两天网络故障.你的文章研究中,小WAIT一下

钢琴宝宝UID: 2303982

Species are dieing out and we are being isolated! I totally can't(不要用缩写 用cannot) agree with the attitude that there is no justification for society to make efforts to save endangered species.总起全文,直陈自己观点.

Since the industry revolution, our human beings have created enormous wealth and lived an better life than ever before. With the prosperity of ourselves,(感觉有些问题,用ourselves欠妥,直接用human beings或者modern society好了) the global environment is becoming increasingly deteriorated and a large number of species have become extinct and are dieing out silently when we are enjoying our modern life. 描述背景.对于这一段,我不好评价,我基本上不会写上这么一段的,我以为,这些内容可以放在段落里去边写.尤其作为第一段,应该是非常重要的表达自己观点.也许习惯问题吧,我通常摆我自己的attitude,觉得比较重要.

Admittedly, extinction happened in every period of history and many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human. But things have changed now. (我觉得观点放在一个TS里比较好.那个让步不大妥.为何不说,though…是自然,可是情况不同了.放在个句子里.一看就知道你这段的观点.而且最好把观点放前面,再让步.)The extinction has incredibly sped up since our industrialization and modernization which we become so proud of .Scientists have founded that the extinction is one-hundred times faster than in any other historic period because of human's (human)activity(activities). The "Nature" magazine predicted that one million species will be swiped out from this planet fifty years later, which means in every single hour one species become extinct.  Do you still believe that we are not accusable for this? 写人类活动的危害.但是,论述不够深入.仅仅有一个the extinction is one-hundred times faster than in any other historic period because of human's activity.人类如何影响它的呢?这段主要在陈述灭绝的严重程度,但对人类活动论述很少.

Species diversity is of great importance to us. The importance can be demonstrated in two levels. The first level,( On the first level?) which may be suitable for those who concern nothing but current profit, is that species diversity may bring us knowledge and ideas which may benefit ourselves academically and financially. Undeniable, (Undeniably) nature is our best instructor. We have learned a lot from other species. A simple example is the airplane. Without the bird or other flying species how could we get the idea to design a plane that way, or we might not even think of flying in the air. These natural teachers are significant to us and our civilization. It is a little weird but true to say that our human's best teachers are dieing out because of our blind greediness for profit and irresponsible way of development.（这句话怎么会突然冒出来？你开始一直说重要性，忽然说因为人类对利益的追求使物种灭绝？） 这段说物种的重要性，我们获得了知识．

The other level is that all species on the planet are our companions. So far, we haven't found any life in other planet. The earth is our only home. Fifty years later, we may lost one million kinds of these friends. What about the next fifty years and what about the next century. How many species will become extinct until we finally feel lonely and find out how boring world is without all kinds of lively species?　又谈重要性，是我们的伙伴，差不多这个意思吧．说了两段重要性，但是谈的时候边总结比较好，由于重要，我们有必要付出来保护他们．光谈重要性没到点子上．虽然后面谈了，但是在每段里面也应强调，要努力保护才是论点

It is time to do something to protect the species from dieing out so fast. Unfortunately, it is not a easy job because the fundamental cause of their extinction is environmental degradation, which is now a global problem and can not be solved by any single country, rather than some commercial needs on certain species. The difficulties call for world-wide cooperation and legislation. Not only the developing countries who will sacrifice anything to become rich is responsible for this, due to the history of our wasteful development the developed countries also has duty to lead the whole world to take action. Only in this way can we solve the global environmental problem and protect the home of all the species and ourselves.结尾．说需要努力保护．提建议．你这个总结是做结尾还是分论点呢？如果是说要保护就属于分论点的范畴．

纵观全文，觉得在文章的结构上还是要修改下．我来提个建议吧：
１．开头，说灭绝是由于人类活动造成的，人类有必要努力．
２．    说即使有的是自然造成的，但大多是人类活动造成的．
３．    物种多样对人类很重要在ＸＸ方面，因此我们要保护．
４．    物种多样的另一个好处，我们更要保护．
５．    总结，人类给物种灭绝危害了，但它重要，我们要保护它．提出建议，保护措施．

有没有觉得这样比较清晰一点？

呵呵　拍得猛了些，有问题再讨论．

[ 本帖最后由 钢琴宝宝 于 2008-2-1 14:01 编辑 ]

scorpoioUID: 2405243

感谢 宝宝 的修改。

就其中的几个问题交流一下我的看法。
Admittedly, extinction happened in every period of history and many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human. But things have changed now. (我觉得观点放在一个TS里比较好.那个让步不大妥.为何不说,though…是自然,可是情况不同了.放在个句子里.一看就知道你这段的观点.而且最好把观点放前面,再让步.)

这一段确实存在你说的这个问题，应该举出一些人类具体活动导致物种灭绝的例子，需要改进。句首提观点也是应该调整一下。
It is a little weird but true to say that our human's best teachers are dieing out because of our blind greediness for profit and irresponsible way of development.（这句话怎么会突然冒出来？你开始一直说重要性，忽然说因为人类对利益的追求使物种灭绝？） 这段说物种的重要性，我们获得了知识．
这句是该段的的总结，写得并不漂亮，但这段的意思并不是本段第一句话所表达的重要性，而是第二句以后所说的内容，第一句话只是让步。由此我谈谈我对行文结构的想法。现在论坛上流行的所谓的结构我觉得并不能生硬的套在文章上，从官方范文看，我感觉能严格套上的并不多，从中文议论文写作来看，我们也不是按照固定的逻辑顺序一成不变的写作。大家都遵守那种结构，是大家比较容易看懂或理解那种类型的文章的行文脉络。但使用那种脉络我感觉特别不舒服，先说什么后说什么完全不是根据自己的意愿，而是套结构，我目前还适应不了。所以我目前都是根据自己的思路进行写作。

你最后提出的那个提纲，我感觉如果我把第一段和第二段合起来的话，就能够符合你建议的结构了。
还有，你说的需要再着重说一下具体的保护行动，这点是非常好的建议。

再次感谢 宝宝 的修改。