issue141[Jet]小组第二次作业

bluebell_ciciUID: 2313809

题目：ISSUE141 - "Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity."
字数：461          用时：0:45:00          日期：2008-1-31

Recently, more and more people concern about the benefits between individuals and the groups. Some people claim that the benefits of individuality are above all other things, but I would rather insist that I fundamentally agree that personal success requires conformity.

In the first place, there might be a large number of difficulties ahead while a person wants to achieve economic success. For example, individual might not have enough money to operate the business investment.  While some more such investors who have the same theories in investing join together, they might gain abandon money to meet their economic goals. Or individual might has very little business information, and he/she might not know how to invest is the best choose. But if they were in a group, everybody can make a contribution to the profits of the group. Just like a Chinese idiot says: Everybody make a warm fire.

In the second place, while conformity to a group, the hazard before individual would release to a acceptable level, and gain the benefit in a more secure way. My friend Mike is one of stockholders in a small company. Through this way, he realizes his money increase. And while the company get a loss in the markets, owing to other stockholders would be charge to the adventure together. Mike would make his loss to a bearable level.

In the last analysis, according to a survey leaded by Social Science Institution of China shows that over more than 80% respondents reflect that while they are in some kind of economic group, their feelings of security are stronger than individual feeling. The experts of normal behaviors explain the group gives them a place to discuss problems they met and find the resolving way together. Conformity in a group might turn the feelings such as pressing, anxiety, isonomic, and so forth, into a more peaceful emotion. So people in some economic group might both feel more self-confident and can be reasonable to make decisions to achieve their goals.

Admittedly, some genius investors seem not to need conformity others. They make other obey the rules they make. These people always have a great deal of money. Besides they might be proficiency in the markets. Through operating the money market, they make their processes increasing in an unimaginable way, and they do not care about other people’s benefits, for they do not need to. This extreme example also shows us that to most people, personal economic success requires conformity.

To sum up, I fundamentally agree the speaker's broad claims that personal economic success requires conformity, because individual could realize their economic goals and decrease the hazard within a group. But the magnate do not obey the rules, for their huge capital and financial power, they just make the rule.

yimengshanUID: 2392100

Recently, more andmore people concern about the benefits between individuals and the groups.(concern about which way can benefit more between…) Somepeople claim that the benefits of individuality areabove all other things, but(yet) I wouldrather insist that I fundamentally agree that(删掉) personal success requires conformity.

In the first place, there might be a large number of difficulties ahead while aperson wants to achieve economic success. For example, individual might nothave enough money to operate the business investment.  While somemore such investors who have the same theories in investing join together, theymight gain abandon money to meet their economic goals. Or individual might hasvery little business information, and he/she might not know how to invest isthe best choose（choice）. But if they were in a group, everybody can make acontribution to the profits of the group. Just like a Chinese idiot says:Everybody make a warm fire(many hands make light work--众人拾柴火焰高).

In the second place, while conformity to a group, the hazard before individualwould release to an acceptable level, and gain the benefit in a more secureway. My friend Mike is one of stockholders in a small company. Through thisway, he realizes his money increase. And while the company get a loss in themarkets, owing to other stockholders would be charge to the adventure together.Mike would make his loss to a bearable level.

In the last(final) analysis, according to a survey leaded(conducted) by Social Science Institution of China shows that over morethan 80% respondents reflect that(好套式) while they are insome kind of economic (+cooperation) group,their feelings of security are stronger than individual feelings. The experts of normal behaviors explain the groupgives them a place(flat) to discuss problemsthey met and find the resolving way together. Conformity in a group might turn the feelings such as pressing, anxiety, isonomic, andso forth, into a more peaceful emotion. So people in some economic groupmight both feel more self-confident and can be reasonable to make decisions toachieve their goals.

Admittedly, some genius investors seem not to need conformity(名词 改为conform) others. They make othersobey（yield） the rules（disciplines） they make(institute). These people always have a great deal ofmoney. Besides they might be proficiency in the markets. Through operating themoney（finance） market, they make their processes increasing in an unimaginableway, and they do not care about other people’s benefits, for they do not needto. This extreme example also shows us that to most people, personal economicsuccess requires conformity.

To sum up, I fundamentally agree the speaker's broad claims that personaleconomic success requires conformity, because individual could realize theireconomic goals and decrease the hazard within a group. But the magnate do notobey the rules, for their huge capital and financial power, they just make therule.

论证的结构挺好，两段正面论证+统计数字+让步。Make用的次数太多，应该适当转化一些。句子再精炼些就好了，加油:)。