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Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them.



Do we have to determine to choose between tradition and modernization as they the incompatible? In most cases, they are developing independently, and modernization appears to displace the tradition, in large scale. However, in my observation, they are mutually influential and can twist into whole to contribute to the society.

To begin with, the entire social system always developed from tradition to modernization. Throughout the history of the society, tradition, more often than not, are replaced by the modernization. Slavery society displaced primitive society, and then the feudal society emerged. Subsequently, the capitalism substituted the feudalism, and become the most influential social system until current life. The series of social revolution are the typical examples of the process of the social change from tradition to modernization, and serve as the history mirror for individuals to guide them better face the choose between tradition and modernization. Consequently, tradition is likely substituted by modernization since they are, to large extents, incompatible in nature.

In addition, the progress of the city, in various respects, is coincident with incompatible feature. Consider those exceeding advancement in the city for example. A growing number of the skyscrapers emerged in the center of the city, whereas those traditional flat disappeared, in order to solve the problem the increasing seriousness of houses and earth, and also be used to become the symbol of the civilization. Further more, new-emerged places for amusement have flooded in the city, such as the KTV, club, pub and the like, which extraordinarily enrich individuals' life. Traditionally, residents may spend their time with the whole family at home, eating dumplings. Nevertheless, the significance of the tradition tends to impaired by those entertainment, for people may just reserve a table in the restaurant and have a meal outside their own house. Accordingly, tradition seems to suffer from modernization in the city because of the incompatibility.   

Aside from the foregoing aspects, people's traditional perspective and their outlook toward the world and life constantly changed with the process of the world's development as well. Many years ago, most residents, if not all, tend to save their money and treasures in their houses or even their relatives' in case they are emergently in needed. However, with the modernization of the society, a growing number of people regard the bank as their safest place for preserve their money. Then, with the development of the society, the tradition of saving money in bank cannot adjust to the modernization. People are likely to invest their money, instead of waiting for the inflation which may demolish the significance of their money. So changeable the society is that tradition will be displaced by the modernization in most cases.

However, in some certain respects, they can be holistic integration to benefit the society. For supporting examples, one needs look no further than the teaching method in schools. Traditionally, standing in front of the students, teachers directly instill the knowledge to the students, at best with their own gesture and body language, while currently, multiple media is utilized that students can understand the information and knowledge by those visual “PowerPoint” (slide). Hence, combination of tradition and modernization in several facets will exerts splendid impact on the society.

In conclusion, tradition tends to be substituted by the modernization in history of human beings. Notwithstanding, in some given cases they are supposed to be bonded as a whole to better service society and individuals.

riverwUID: 2199459

Do we have to determine to (多余)choose between tradition and modernization as they the incompatible? In most cases, they are developing independently, and modernization appears to displace the tradition, in large scale(多余，前边有了In most cases). However, in my observation, they are mutually influential (这个表达值得商榷) and can twist into a whole to (and) contribute to the society.
开头段过于简洁，不够丰满。是限时写的？

To begin with, the entire social system always developed from tradition to modernization. Throughout the history of the society, tradition, more often than not, are replaced by the modernization. Slavery society displaced primitive society, and then the feudal society emerged. Subsequently, the capitalism substituted the feudalism, and become the most influential social system until current life. The series of social revolution (evolution) are the typical examples of the process of the social change development changing from tradition to modernization, and serve as the history mirror a mirror of the history for individuals to guide them better face the choose between tradition and modernization(句子结构混乱了，意思也没读懂). Consequently, tradition is likely substituted by modernization since they are, to large extents, incompatible in nature.
题目的所说的传统和现代，似乎是指能同时存在的事物。比如现在已经是现代社会，但还有各种传统文化。这段论述的是旧的东西过时了，被取代了消失了；旧的被取代的东西叫传统，新的东西叫现代。这样写是否有些偏呢？

In addition, the progress of the city, in various respects, is coincident with incompatible feature (没读懂). Consider those exceeding (remarkable) advancement in the city for as an example. A growing number of the skyscrapers emerged in the center of the city, whereas those traditional flat disappeared, in order to solve the problem the increasing seriousness of houses and earth brings to us, and also be used to become as the symbol of the civilization. Further more, new-emerged places for amusement have flooded into the city, such as the KTV, club, pub and the like, which extraordinarily enrich individuals' life. Traditionally, residents may spend their time with the whole family at home, eating dumplings. Nevertheless, the significance of the tradition tends to be impaired by those entertainment (吃饭跟娱乐没必然联系吧，可用：by new life options), for people may just reserve a table in the restaurant and have a meal outside their own house. Accordingly, tradition seems to suffer from impact of modernization in the city because of the incompatibility.   
举例论证“不相容”有些牵强。其实按常理讲，娱乐、吃饭的新形式并不是overwhelming的，它们跟传统的形式倒是可以相互补充，能共存的。

Aside from the foregoing aspects, people's traditional perspective and their outlook toward the world and life constantly changed with the process of the world's development as well.(“除上面说的几个方面外”，接着本应该说“还有xx方面可以证明我的观点”。但后面的句子跟前边的意思没有承接。) Many years ago, most residents, if not all, tend to save their money and treasures in their houses or even their relatives' in case they are emergently in needed(结构混乱，代词使用不当). However, with the modernization of the society, a growing number of people regard the bank as their safest place for preserve their money. Then, with the development of the society, the tradition of saving money in bank cannot adjust to the modernization(keep up with the steps of modernization). People are likely begin to invest their money for profits, instead of waiting for the inflation which may demolish the significance (decrease the value) of their money. So changeable the society is that tradition will be displaced by the modernization in most cases. (The society is so easy to have progress that in most cases traditional way of life would have to be replaced by new ones.)


However, in some certain respects, they can be holistic integration to benefit the society. For supporting examples, one needs look no further than the teaching method in schools. Traditionally, standing in front of the students, teachers directly instill the knowledge to the students, at best with their own gesture and body language, while currently, multiple media multimedia is utilized that students can understand the information and knowledge by those visual “PowerPoint” (slide). Hence, a combination of tradition and modernization in several facets will exerts splendid impact on the society.

In conclusion, tradition tends to be substituted by the modernization in history of human beings. Notwithstanding, in some given cases they are supposed to be bonded as a whole to better service ? society and individuals.
结尾段太少了，该多写点。

看你第一段的意思，你的论点是“传统和现代是相互影响的，并且可以交织成一个整体为社会做贡献”。
读完整篇才知道你的意思是“大部分时候它们不相容，某些时候可以成为一个整体”。
因此你第一段的表述有点问题。

你的语言要很注意，感觉很乱！

拍得不好，请别见怪。
第一次觉得拍砖很累很累！