Argument2 Thrive小组第1次作业

sbsUID: 2453499

Argument 2
The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.

"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and whatcolors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting."


       The prospective that Deerhaven Acres should adopts their own set of retrictions on landscaping and housepainting, as the arguer cited, be it seemingly an obvious conclusion at the first glance, lacks of strong foundation of evidence and may mask the real reason why nearby Brookville community’s average property values had trippled seven years ago and misleads the homeowner in Deerhaven Acres taking the wrong mesures.

       First of all, as mentioned in the letter, since some homeowerners in Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions, for instance, how the community’s yards should be landscaped and what color the exteriors of homes should be painted, the average property values had trippled. Only considering the time sequence do the arguer draw the conculsion that the increasement of the average property values is because of the restrictions they took. However, there might be some other reasons that result in the same consequence. Taking management for example, besides the restriction the Brookville community established, they might use an effective management to run their bussiness. Well-desiged advertisement and markting strategy can benift a lot to the property values because more and more people start to know these places and are willing to buy their houses. Additionally, more job opportunities might be provided near Brookville, so the sales of the houses is really hard to fail the homeowners in Brookville.

       Secondly, the arguer commits a fallacy of false analogy that the same restriction might not be suit for the Deerhaven Acres homeowners. There are different cultures, habits and environment between the two places. So the same method might not play the same role in Deerhaven Acres. It might be some interior reasons that affects the property values, which considered to be the politics point of view, religions and the view of values.

       Tirldly, as people’s preferences and habits are not exactly the same, they might not concern the apperence of the house too much. Instead of that, they might think about the scenery, education environment , community facilities much more.

       Finally, the arguer get down to the conlusion from an example seven years ago, which might seem too long for the real estate bussiness. During such a long time, a lot of things can happen. Especially people’s view changes from time to time. So I cannot be convinced that the same method will take effects seven years later in Deerhaven Acres.

       To sum up, even though the argument seem to be eloquent, yet it’s neither sound or persuasive. To make it more convincing , the arguer should take more conditions into consideration, such as people’s preferences, environment, job opportunities and so on. If the argument includes the given factors discussed above, it would be more thorought and adequate.

word:451

Outline
1.       there maybe other reasons that BC’s property tripled;
2.       false anology on DA;
3.       defferent culture or habit in theDA
4.       seven year may be too long

第一次写，手好生，写的过程真的好难受。要吐了。



[ 本帖最后由 sbs 于 2008-2-4 10:02 编辑 ]

z12y12l12UID: 2452277

你真是把上课的所有句型都抄了一遍阿.........

vic_rainUID: 2304309

Argument 2
The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.

"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and whatcolors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting."


       The prospective(perspective?) that Deerhaven Acres should adopts their own set of retrictions on landscaping and housepainting, as the arguer cited(感觉这个cited有问题，应该是concludes 吧？), be it seemingly an obvious conclusion at the first glance, lacks of strong foundation of evidence and may mask the real reason why nearby Brookville community’s average property values had trippled seven years ago and misleads the homeowner in Deerhaven Acres taking the wrong mesures.
      这一段我真的看晕了,逻辑上大概能理解，但是语法上好像问题蛮多，我不知道怎么改了。一般来讲，第一段的目的是，先陈述文中论点，再列举文中自己将要驳斥的论据，最后简单表明自己认为this argument is unpersuasive. 纵观你的本段，这几点都做到了。但是，很有可能我层次太低不能理解，这样复杂的长句开头，即费时又容易留下语法或是过多消耗时间的隐患。
       First of all, as mentioned in the letter, since some homeowerners in Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions, for instance, how the community’s yards should be landscaped and what color the exteriors of homes should be painted, the average property values had trippled. Only considering the time sequence do the arguer draw the conculsion that the increasement of the average property values is because of the restrictions they took. However, there might be some other reasons that result in the same consequence. Taking management for example, besides the restriction the Brookville community established, they might use an effective management to run their bussiness. Well-desiged advertisement and markting strategy can benift a lot to (improve)the property values because more and more people start to know these places and are willing to buy their houses. Additionally, more job opportunities might be provided near Brookville, so the sales of the houses is really hard to fail the homeowners in Brookville.
      你这一段的本意是：Brookville 地区的房价上涨，不一定是因为adopts their own set of retrictions on landscaping and housepainting，并列举了几个其它的可能性。但是整个段落，读起来很别扭，各种句式变化加上长句林立，我不知道怎么改了。大哥，我在此刻感到无比的自卑和迷惘，自卑于相比于我，你的用语洋洋洒洒，随心所欲，迷惘于自己竟然还不清楚是你的语言表述有问题还是我的阅读有问题，强烈建议你再找几个版上的高手帮忙改改，看看有否我同样的感觉。
      
       Secondly, the arguer commits a fallacy of false analogy that the same restriction(method to improve property values) might not be suit for the Deerhaven Acres homeowners. There are different cultures, habits and environment between the two places. So the same method might not play the same role in Deerhaven Acres.(这句话重复了，衔接于上一句话，如果是范文，这个时候因该具体的描述different cultures, habits and environment具体有哪些，并且是如何起作用的) It might be some interior reasons that affects the property values, which considered to be the politics point of view, religions and the view of values.(这句话又是重复表达地方不同有些其他的因素影响property value, 本段结尾，应该是说，如果上面的可能性属实，文中的结论或者类比就是错的等等的意思。)
      哇，我倒吸好长的一口终于吐了出来！这一段你的表述就明显正常多了，但论证深度不够,反反复复在重复着说要考虑不同地区的不同影响。

       Tirldly, as people’s preferences and habits are not exactly the same, they might not concern the apperence of the house too much. Instead of that, they might think about the scenery, education environment , community facilities much more.
       这一段应该放在其它几个错误里面附带论证，比如，放第一段， value上涨，并不一定是外观装饰，还有可能people’s preferences and habits ,放第二段，Deerhaven Acres可能用以迎合people’s preferences and habits， 如果也采用重视外观装束的方法，反而让买家或者评价者认为没有品位等等适得其反的效果，总之，是说明，装饰外观并不一定也适合Deerhaven Acres.

       Finally, the arguer get down to(get down to 好像是开始认真考虑的意思吧？放这里？) the conlusion from an example seven years ago, which might seem too long for the real estate bussiness. During such a long time, a lot of things can happen. Especially people’s view changes from time to time. So I cannot be convinced that the same method will take effects seven years later in Deerhaven Acres.
      如果按照逻辑链来说的话，建议你不要放在这个位置。value上涨并不一定因为装饰－>即便承认value上涨是因为装饰，过了7年之后，不一定还能有这样的效果->即便装饰还能在Brookville起效果，不一定适合Deerhaven Acres .
       To sum up, even though the argument seem to be eloquent, yet it’s neither sound or persuasive. To make it more convincing , the arguer should take more conditions into consideration, such as people’s preferences, environment, job opportunities and so on. If the argument includes the given factors discussed above, it would be more thorought and adequate.
       结尾一般应该结合上面的驳斥给出建议，比如证明是因为***而value上涨，并且多年之后还能起到同样效果，有证据表明同样适合Deerhaven Acres,等等。



       总之，作为你的第一篇文章，已经有很多亮点了，比如行文结构已经掌握，错误点都已经找出，长度也够了。这是我改的第一篇文章，用语肯定有很多不当，修改层次太也过肤浅，有得罪之处请见谅。

       另外，因为我本人也是菜鸟，老是感觉你的文章不够流利，或许是你太追求华丽的句式。还有，你的论证过程还需要好好参考范文和版上优秀习作，因为论证深度不够。
      
       只要我们坚持的写下去，并认真的反复修改、对比、思考，肯定会尽快提高的。

      

[ 本帖最后由 vic_rain 于 2008-2-18 18:06 编辑 ]