ISSUE11

钢琴宝宝UID: 2303982

Whether it is indispensable for all nations help build a global university designed to solving the worlds' miscellaneous endurable and ineradicable social problems? In my own perspective, such a global university will bring much benefits rather than negative effects. However, some problems may exist that demand both society and individuals to concern.

To begin with, the global university will play a vital role in seeking solutions to those formidable and international-shared problems. Consider, for example, the environmental problem, which is the most serious social problem in a myriad of countries--the clear--cutting forests, the increasingly severe desertification, the water pollution, the depletion of the atmospheric ozone, and so forth. Many of these problems need the cooperation of all the nations. Hence, the global university can provide such an opportunity for individuals from all nations to collaborate to seek the solution to these problems, and, in large scale, concentrate all power, such as knowledge and information, intelligence, sophisticated equipment. In addition, many rules and regulation can be enacted by the global university to restrict those deteriorative activities in the world. Thus, via concentrating the power of all nations and collaborating to seek the solution to those social problems, the global university will exert quite positive influence in the world.

In addition, sundry problems in one country may be difficult to solve due to the very power of the nation, and thus necessitate the international assistance. A case in point is the terrorism. These decades witnesses the seriousness of the terrorism. The events of 911 striked the world exceedingly, and a big explosion happened in London few years ago. A growing number of countries has become aware of the problem and realize the severe result of terrorism. Since terrorists tend to hide and camouflage themselves both in the nation or aboard, hardly can a nation to destroy the power of those ones. Subsequently, all countries need to collaborate to seek a solution. The global university might foster and cultivate some experts, who bring different circumstances in various countries and provide a great deal of information, to find the avenue to against the terrorism. Accordingly, it is of profound significance for all nations to construct the international university to solve those problems they can not cope with by their own.   

However, we cannot neglect quite a few problems the international university may pose. On the one hand, each country hold its own interest and stake, barely can they obtain the identical solution to some certain problems. For instance, some countries may levy high tariff in order to protect their own national industry, while others may deem the law as unfair one to foreign companies. The contradiction may hardly be solved only by listening to the opinion of the global university as it is quite arduous for the university gives them an adequately just suggestion. On the other hand, different countries are equipped with their own condition, which may diversify in culture, value system, lifestyle and the like. The global university might be unable to supply a concrete means of solving some problems, while just supplying an ordinary solution.   

In conclusion, constructing such a global university unquestionably will cast brilliant impact on society. However, there indeed exist some problems that the university cannot solve for certain reasons.

riverwUID: 2199459

An outline of your essay would be very useful for others to understand your points quickly. :-)

Whether it is indispensable for all nations  (it is indispensable for all nations 是"xx对所有的国家来说不可或缺"，这跟题目的意思是有出入吧？)help build a global university designed to solving the worlds' miscellaneous endurable and ineradicable social problems? (whether是连词，引导从句的，因此第一句整个句子只是一个whether引导的主语从句，而没有真正的谓语、宾语。FYI: Is it critical for all nations to establish a global university aiming to solve the persistent social problems?) In my own(多余) perspective, such a global university will bring much benefits to society rather than negative effects. However, some problems may exist that demand both society and individuals to concern(however一转折，你观点的重心就转移了。最后一句FYI: Moreover, we should also be aware that such a global university is not all-solving because of the complexity of some tough social problems).
长句子有问题，结构不清，用词欠准确。句子结构的问题，建议你多分析一下句子的主、谓、宾，要对"句子是否完整"敏感。

To begin with, the global university will play a vital role in seeking solutions to those formidable and international-shared problems (这句结构就很好嘛). Consider, for example, the environmental problem, which is one of the most serious social problems in a myriad (极端词汇，慎用。)of countries--the clear--cutting forests (excessive deforestation), the increasingly severe desertification, the water pollution, the depletion (极端词汇，准确吗?)of the atmospheric ozone, and so forth. Many of these problems need the cooperation of all the nations. (这正是需要你论证的) Hence, the global university can provide such (别乱用such，否则后边要有配对的词，如as+名次, that+从句)an opportunity for individuals from all nations to collaborate to seek the solution to these problems, and, in large scale, concentrate all power, such as knowledge and information, intelligence, sophisticated equipment(and后边加的东西太生硬了，这样组成的长句散而且乱。这部分的意思干脆另起一句说得了). In addition, many rules and regulation can be enacted by the global university to restrict those deteriorative activities in among the world (学校不是联合国这样的机构，能颁布各个国家都必须遵守的规则和条令？). Thus, via concentrating the power of all nations and collaborating to seek the solution to those social problems, the global university will exert quite positive influence in the world.
我认为关键的地方没论证。要支撑TS，就需要举出例子，说明某些问题的确是需要国际性的合作、研究、协调才能解决的，这样才有必要建global university。

In addition, sundry (好生僻的词啊) problems in one country may be difficult to solve due to the very power (insuffient abilities) of the nation, and thus necessitate the international assistance. A case in point is the terrorism. These decades witnesses (谁witness? decades?These decades本来是表示时间的副词短语啊。可以用The world has witnessed the harmness of terrorism these decades.) the seriousness of the terrorism. The events of 911 (是这样表达吗？google一下吧) striked (shocked“使震惊”是否好点？)the world exceedingly, and a big explosion happened in London few years ago(这样来凑长句可不好。可以说Event 911 shocked the world again after the widely konwn bomb assault to London metro). A growing number of countries has become aware of the problem and realize the severe result of terrorism. Since terrorists tend to hide and camouflage themselves both in the nation or aboard(many nations), hardly can a nation to destroy the power of those ones(首先，请分析你这个主句有谓语吗？其次，你有意识想用倒装，这很好。但我觉得倒装往往需要语义的承前启后，这里用有点勉强了。FYI:any nation alone can hardly destroy their whole orgination.). (这里正好扩展论证啊，基地组织就潜伏在多个国家。)Subsequently, all countries need to collaborate to seek a solution. The global university might foster and cultivate some experts, who bring different circumstances (带来不同的环境？什么意思？)in from various countries and provide a great deal of information, to find the avenue to against the terrorism. Accordingly, it is of profound great significance for all nations to construct the international university to solve those problems they can not cope with (先搞清楚cope with的用法吧)handle by their own.   

However, we cannot neglect quite a few problems the international university may pose. On the one hand, each country hold its own interest and stake, barely(极端词汇，这样一说，global univ就没什么作用了。使得你前两段的论证都白费了) can they obtain the identical solution to some certain problems (两个独立的句子想组成一个长句，中间没连词是不行的). For instance, some countries may levy high tariff in order to protect their own national industry, while others may deem the law as unfair one to foreign companies (to them). The contradiction may hardly be solved only by listening to the opinion of the global university as it is quite arduous for the university gives them an adequately just suggestion. On the other hand, different countries are equipped with their own condition(什么东西？直接用have their own conditions不行吗？非要安一个equipped with上去？), which may diversify in culture, value system, lifestyle and the like. The global university might be unable to supply a concrete means of solving some problems, while(连词需引导句子) just supplying an ordinary solution.   
这段论述完全把前两段的成果给否定了。你这个让步让得太过了。

In conclusion, constructing such a global university unquestionably will 位置需互换 cast brilliant impact on society. However, there indeed exist some problems that the university cannot solve for certain reasons.
结尾太简单，最好总结一下上面的论述，写多些。

语言已经好很多了，你是会写长句的，只是有时候你没认真追究你写出来的通不通顺。一些生僻的词、词组，意思和使用方法没把握的话没必要勉强用吧

你的逻辑要注意。首段对自己的观点表述要准确，however的使用是强调后边的主张；第一分论点的论证不力；让步段不能否定主要论点，多用might、would等带有不确定含意的词，避免对主要观点造成伤害。首段、结尾段过于简单，拍上一篇时已经说过了。论证过程中，极端词汇使用需谨慎。

riverwUID: 2199459

my god，拍此文用了一个多小时。
争取明天写一篇，请你也拍拍。