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[i习作temp] Issue144 by zephyrqq [复制链接]

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发表于 2008-2-10 02:16:13 |显示全部楼层
题目:ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

提纲:
1.艺术的价值存在于其带给观众的审美感受中,脱离了观众,其价值就不存在了。
2.艺术家通过作品给以社会带来持久的价值
3.评论家的贡献在于让帮助观众欣赏艺术大家的作品

It is obvious that the artist brings a lasting value to society with their wonderful works, like novels, movies, paintings, and so forth. However, in our society, the role played by the critic, who evaluate the works of art, in giving something of perpetual value might be controversial. As far as I am concerned, it is unfair to deny the importance of the critic’s job.

To begin with, we must first try to find an answer to a basic question: what is the value of art? Since most works of art can give its audiences an aesthetic experience, the social value of art may lie in this pleasant experience, which build a haven for people to escape temporarily from stress and anxiety, or arouse an unutterable longing and agreeable melancholy within them. In the light of this statement, if a work of art, no matter how great it might be, can not reach its audiences any more, its value, at the same time, can not last any longer. That is the reason why the enduring value produced by art works can own to not only artists, who create them, but also critics, who bring them to their audience.

None of us would deny the fact that the artist, who create great works of art, gives something of lasting value to society. If Mozart had not spend any of his time on composing, we would never have the opportunity to enjoy the pleasant of listening to his melodic music. some many. And if Shakespeare had not written the classic tragedy - Romeo and Juliet, audiences all over the world would never moved deeply by the true love between the two of the main dramatis personae time after time. Either of these case illustrate the point that the artists, who give birth to marvelous works, indeed endow lasting value to society.   

Nevertheless, we cannot neglect the great contributions of critics who also gives a lasting value by evaluating works of artists. It is the critic who makes comment on art, who tell people whether a work of art is good or not, who separate good art works from bad ones. Most people would agree that the works of great master sometimes are quite beyond ordinary persons, and therefore without the help of the critic, hardly can they develop a proper understanding about the productions by master artists. In spite of the fact that the critics’ personal preference may influence their judgement, on most occasions, they can commentate objectively and their insightful comments will bring great art within the reach of more people, helping to render the enduring value of art.

Without the artist, we would live in a world with no works of art at all. Without the critic, hardly can we get great art within our reach. For all these reason, it would be safe for us to draw the conclusion that the responsibility of giving something of lasting value lies in both the artist and the critics.


[ 本帖最后由 zephyrqq 于 2008-3-6 18:53 编辑 ]
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发表于 2008-2-10 13:57:34 |显示全部楼层
同义词
lasting, endless, everlasting,eternal
value, merit, worth
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发表于 2008-2-10 14:40:19 |显示全部楼层
原帖由 zephyrqq 于 2008-2-10 02:16 发表
题目:ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc. ...

我们互相看看对方的吧
我写了一个提纲,在http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-799404-1-1.html
只是一个提纲,帮我看看吧

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发表于 2008-2-11 00:56:38 |显示全部楼层
原帖由 zephyrqq 于 2008-2-10 13:57 发表
同义词
lasting, endless, everlasting,eternal
value, merit, worth



不抛弃,不放弃

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发表于 2008-2-11 02:04:22 |显示全部楼层


题目:ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value." *a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.提纲:1.艺术的价值存在于其带给观众的审美感受中,脱离了观众,其价值就不存在了。2.艺术家通过作品给以社会带来持久的价值3.评论家的贡献在于让帮助观众欣赏艺术大家的作品It is obvious that the artist brings a lasting value to society with their wonderful works, like novels, movies, paintings, and so forthbrings a lasting value--like novels, movies, paintings, and so forth -- to society. However, in our society, the role played by the critic, who evaluate the works of art, in(???解释一下,这个语法点不太明白。。。) giving something of perpetual value might be controversial. As far as I am concerned, it is unfair to deny the importance of the critic’s job. + and the critic contribute as much as the artist do to our society 再点一下:艺术家和评论家都重要)To begin with, we must first try to find an answer to a basic question: what is the value of art? Since most works of art can give its audiences an aesthetic experience, the social value of art may lie in this pleasant experience, which build a haven for people to escape temporarily from stress and anxiety, or arouse an unutterable longing and agreeable melancholy within them. In the light of this statement, if a work of art, no matter how great it might be, can not reach its audiences any more, its value, at the same time, can not last any longer. That is the reason why the enduring value produced by art works can own to not only artists, who create them, but also critics, who bring them to their audience. 这段写的真好啊None of us would deny the fact that the artist, who create great works of art, gives something of lasting value to society. If Mozart had not(如果是虚拟语气的话,好像要加那四个词之一吧àcould/would/should/might??? spend any of his time on composing, we would never have the opportunity to enjoy the pleasant of listening to his melodic music. some many. And if Shakespeare had not written the classic tragedy - Romeo and Juliet, audiences all over the world would never moved deeply by the true love between the two of the main dramatis personae time after time.{+对例子的阐述,一两句话说明艺术家对永久价值的贡献:正是他们的天赋创造了这些艺术作品等等} Either of these case illustrate the point that the artists, who give birth to marvelous works, indeed endow lasting value to society.    Nevertheless, we cannot neglect the great contributions of critics who also gives a lasting value by evaluating works of artists. It is the critic who makes comment on art, who tell people whether a work of art is good or not, who separate good art works from bad ones. Most people would agree that the works of great master sometimes are quite beyond ordinary persons, and therefore without the help of the critic, hardly can they develop a proper understanding about the productions by master artists. In spite of the fact that the critics’ personal preference may influence their judgement, on most occasions, they can commentate objectively and their insightful comments will bring great art within the reach of more people, helping to render the enduring value of art. 写的很好啊Without the artist, we would live in a world with no works of art at all. Without the critic, hardly can we get great art within our reach. For all these reason, it would be safe for us to draw the conclusion that the responsibility of giving something of lasting value lies in both the artist and the critics.



觉得除了讲艺术家那个地方你可以加点东西外,其他没说明好改了,语言、论证都很赞的说啊。。。

[ 本帖最后由 wy86917 于 2008-2-11 11:36 编辑 ]
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发表于 2008-2-11 02:52:43 |显示全部楼层
题目:ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

提纲:
1.艺术的价值存在于其带给观众的审美感受中,脱离了观众,其价值就不存在了。
2.艺术家通过作品给以社会带来持久的价值
3.评论家的贡献在于让帮助观众欣赏艺术大家的作品

It is obvious that the artist brings a lasting value to society with their wonderful works, like novels, movies, paintings, and so forth. However, in our society, the role played by the critic, who evaluate the works of art, in giving something of perpetual value might be controversial.(However,) as far as I am concerned, it is unfair to deny the importance of the critic’s job.
(觉得你前面的说的是评论家在社会中备受争议,观点是你认为评论家还是很重的,中间应该有一个转折,加个however比较好)
To begin with, we must first try to find an answer to a basic question: what is the value of art? Since most works of art can give its audiences an aesthetic experience, the social value of art may lie in this pleasant experience, which build a haven for people to escape temporarily from stress and anxiety, or arouse an unutterable longing and agreeable melancholy within them. In the light of this statement, if a work of art, no matter how great it might be, can not reach its audiences any more, its value, at the same time, can not last any longer(感觉这句的断句有点纠结). That is the reason why the enduring value produced by art works can own to not only artists, who create them, but also critics, who bring them to their audience.
(先定义的思路很不错,觉得很严谨,学习)
None of us would deny the fact that the artist, who create great works of art, gives something of lasting value to society. If Mozart had not spend any of his time on composing, we would never have the opportunity to enjoy the pleasant of listening to his melodic music. some many. And if Shakespeare had not written the classic tragedy - Romeo and Juliet, audiences all over the world would never moved deeply by the true love between the two of the main dramatis personae time after time. Either of these case illustrate the point that the artists, who give birth to marvelous works, indeed endow lasting value to society.    (可以在加点论证的话,更好)

Nevertheless, we cannot neglect the great contributions of critics who also gives a lasting value by evaluating works of artists. It is the critic who makes comment on art, who tell people whether a work of art is good or not, who separate good art works from bad ones. Most people would agree that the works of great master(你是想表达”大师“ ?)sometimes are quite beyond ordinary persons, and therefore without the help of the critic, hardly can they develop a proper understanding about the productions by master artists. In spite of the fact that the critics’ personal preference may influence their judgement, on most occasions, they can commentate objectively and their insightful comments will bring great art within the reach of more people, helping to render the enduring value of art.

Without the artist, we would live in a world with no works of art at all. Without the critic, hardly can we get great art within our reach. For all these reason, it would be safe for us to draw the conclusion that the responsibility of giving something of lasting value lies in both the artist and the critics(critic).


先感叹下了来  以前改过你一次文  觉得真的进不了不少
点评下:
思路清晰没话说  语言不错没话说 例子有效支持没话说
真要说点加强的 可以再往论证方面加强一点  

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发表于 2008-2-11 10:02:37 |显示全部楼层
楼上的们,谢谢~加油~

回复wy86917
1.However, in our society, the role played by the critic, who evaluate the works of art, in(???解释一下,这个语法点不太明白。。。) giving something of perpetual value might be controversial.

插入语省去就是
However, in our society, the role played by the critic in giving something of perpetual value might be controversial.

相当于the crtic play a role in giving...的改写

2..{+对例子的阐述,一两句话说明艺术家对永久价值的贡献:正是他们的天赋创造了这些艺术作品等等} Either of these case illustrate the point that the artists, who give birth to marvelous works, indeed endow lasting value to society.

我后面这句话:“这两个例子都阐明了,创作了无数作品的艺术家们给了社会持久的价值”就是我对例子的阐述,不过,再往下写点可能更清楚一些。


回复xiahsoul
great master 是大家吧,央视“大家”栏目的翻译就是 great master,hoho~




[ 本帖最后由 zephyrqq 于 2008-2-11 10:23 编辑 ]
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发表于 2008-2-11 15:02:13 |显示全部楼层
我觉得作者的例子很不错 确实论证需要加强

更重要的是,题目中的lasting value的lasting 最好点出来,因为你提到了value的定义,最好有点区分

我没有细分 算回避了这个问题

我有同题习作,欢迎指正
Issue144 [老兵小组] 第3次作文  艺术类 比较头疼,写了提纲和全文,请大家多拍多交流。
链接地址:https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

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RE: Issue144 by zephyrqq [修改]

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